AIBU to think that bathing your kids once a week is not 'neglect'.

[ThisWillBeInteresting01]

This is spurred on by another threat about someone struggling to keep their house clean. They mentioned that their kids are bathed once a week. This caused a lot of negativity amongst posters, with some comments calling bathing your kids once a week 'neglect'. This surprised me!!

My DC is 4 and has on average 2 baths a week (and yes, sometimes that means 1 a week). It has never been part of our bedtime routine - it gets them het up rather than calming them down. Their hair is washed once a week in term time after swimming class (v long hair as per DC's request, which takes an age to wash and dry). On holidays we once went 3 weeks without washing their hair. Hair was not smelly and looked lovely throughout.
My DC is not smelly, not dirty and most definitely not neglected! They have clean clothes, tidy brushed hair, are very popular at school, and have a generally nice life. (They also have a miraculous ability to somehow stay clean even when eating bowls of bolognaise and poking around in the dirt at school, which is helpful 🙏. Obviously if/when they do actually get covered in mud I wash them!).

I did some poking around and the American Academy of Dermatology say that children below pre-teens do not need more than 1-2 baths a week as long as they're not actively dirty/smelly.
https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing

So is it really that bad not to bathe your children very often?

YABU - Children are dirty and sticky, more washing please!

YANBU - As long as they're not stinking up the bus then it's fine.

Funnily enough the voting suggests otherwise.

I don't understand why you wouldn't give your child a shower or bath daily or at least every other day?

Besides having skin issues, is there really a reason not to?

There's just something that just seems so lazy about parenting these days. It makes me wonder why anybody continues to have children when they don't really want to do much with them.

It's gross. Don't your kids run around? Every kid gets sweaty. Your kids pee and poo and wear shoes so yes....all these areas need cleaned daily.....so may aswell throw them in a shower. Uou could always tell the kids who had a bath once a week to the ones who were looked after better.

I think it depends on the child.
My daughter, probably would've been OK.
Son on the other hand, absolutely no way. That child is constantly dirty and a week in would see him rotten

@BettyFlinstone No, he's fine, thanks. I share a car with him and there is no issue. If there were, I'd say so immediately.

I find as it gets hotter and we are putting on sun tan lotion etc I feel bad if they don’t have a quick bath before bed as I know I don’t like the feeling of sticky lotion etc going to bed.

They do sometimes have a flannel wash but by the time I’ve attempted to wash their face, arms, feet, hands, bits etc after a day playing in the garden tbh it’s easier just to chuck them in the bath! Plus they enjoy it.

DC(9) showers alternate days, and chooses a bath 1-2 times a week. I consider it important to establish good hygiene routines particularly for the teen years ahead when they tend to developed smelly armpits etc.

Children aren’t renowned for effective wiping after a poo so a once a week bath is sufficient? I don’t think so, even with a stand-up wash.

Water is also an enjoyable sensory experience and/or fun for most children (yes we know some kids don’t like it/go hyper).

Also, if you’ve only ever showered/bathed one a week all your childhood then suddenly a parent says you need to more often because you’ve developed smelly armpits or started your periods, then are these kids the ones we see threads on where the parents have to battle to get them to shower at all? Personal hygiene having never been emphasised before is suddenly important and kids wonder why. I suspect some households have become nose blind.

Actually Op on the other thread has posted it was due to addiction/ wine culture.
So there was a serious issue.
Bit silly this Op has posted and run with it when it is due to a serious issue and not something to be admired.

Yes, but life was different then, 50 years ago. Just as it was 100 years ago.

People have better facilities now - showers, central heating, hot water systems not run off open fires or immersion heaters.

I did have friends who had a weekly Sunday bath in the 1960s and even then I (and my parents) thought it was gross and a 'talking point'.

As a pre-teen I didn't have a bath every night, but certainly every other night. We didn't have a shower, or central heating, or much money, and hot water was precious. But basic hygiene was important.

@nothingsforgotten The poll is like many other polls, which are black and white. (The way the OP has written it - on purpose I think.)

It's not 'neglect' to bath less often (within reason of course) but neither is it optimal parenting.

I'd also mention that most people cannot smell themselves, their family, or their homes like other people can. You become 'immune' to it.

It's the same as houses with dogs . Owners aren't aware of the constant doggy smell, but anyone visiting smells it straight away.

its not neglect but I feel it’s a bit grubby. The issue may come when they hit their teens and still don’t want to wash. My DD got lazy about baths showers then hit her teens and her spots and BO went through the roof.

It’s not neglect but it’s also really not great form either. Every other night should be a minimum- girls hair doesn’t need washing every time but regularly bathing/ showering instills the need for personal hygiene. It’s lazy parenting if you can’t spend a few minutes ensuring your kids are clean.

50/100 years ago everyone had a full strip wash daily with hair washed over the sink
My DGM/ Aunts always smelled of violet soap.
Baths/ showers made it easier.
It is neglect to not manage basic daily hygiene

@ThisWillBeInteresting01 You really were shit stirring here with your post- maybe linked to the username you chose?

The post you referred to was not simply about the number of baths or showers they had.
It was someone whose house was a bit out of control on all fronts. Bedding, floors, loos, laundry, her own personal hygiene and god knows what else.

Yes, someone may have accused her of neglect but it was really because of everything else going on as well in that house.

You really started your thread to wind people up!

LOL yes and they all had their various flannels draped around the bathroom!

I washed my hair over the sink till I left home for uni (as did all of my generation) as we had no shower. We did get one of those plastic shower attachments for the bath taps, but they kept falling off.

Also! I used to bath my child every other day because that’s what the world told me to do. Their skin was covered in psoriasis and so dry. I tried all different potions in the bath to get rid of it. Then I decided it must be the bloody washing! When I switched to twice a week (unless obviously needing to wash) it totally cleared up and I only have to moisturise it on the days they bath.

I remember begging my parents to get a shower when I was a teen (1990s) but we just had a bath . I had waist length hair and it was a faff washing it over the bath every time. Almost the moment me and siblings moved out they redid the bathroom and put a shower in! 🤣

My skin is so much less dry from showering every other day.

I think often it’s less about laziness and more a weird sort of humblebrag about how environment conscious you are.

I know a couple of very well off families whose teens only bathe once a week at home (though they may choose to do it more outside home). I think it’s as a weird bit of stealth snobbery/hangup about how eco conscious they are: not wanting to waste water etc. Ironically in both cases they are comfortably off people with large houses and large families and multiple cars so it just comes across as a bit studied and daft.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with considering your environmental impact but forcing your children to be smelly to do so seems pointless and a bit cruel, particularly when totally unnecessary.

Can't say this thread surprises me. People like to outming each other on here. But there are those who still share their parental families bathwater and think it's ok.

Ime, those parents who don't install washing or good hygiene in their kids are the ones who end up with smelly teens and then smelly adults who a few on here like to moan about at work.

Once a week isn't enough to wash an arse that's been crapping everyday. No matter how much you tell it to yourself that it is.

The Great-unwashed are so defensive ….

After reading this thread this morning and thinking about it, I'm having flashbacks to when I used to take my first dd to playgroup or to socialise with other babies. Most were fine, but some parents used to let their babies and toddlers noses run and just say things like 'oh I can't keep wiping it, it just starts again' and I'd be looking in horror at the green glob of snot hanging down, or 'oh I don't bother wiping their faces all the time, it'll all come off in the bath later ' so they'd run around with filthy faces all afternoon (and it seems now the bath might have been a mythical bath). Nappies not being changed- hanging down but as long as they didn't have a poo in them, that was fine too, even though the child could hardly walk.

I wondered if I was a bit fanatical or something about having children with clean faces, changed nappies a lot and wiping snot! I wouldn't walk around smelling of urine or with a dirty face- why would you let a child do that, I don't mean for 5 min, I mean for hours.

I did not enjoy socialising with other kids much! Mostly these were affluent families, who just thought dressing your children in old clothes and not washing too much was a bit common- but then they would have rashes on the babies bums- wash them!

On it goes. My husband comes from a culture where they think using toilet paper is gross and doesn't clean properly, they have bidets or more commonly a shower attachment and a showerable floor in the bathroom so you can wave the shower around any place on the body, including the nether regions. I used to think he was ridiculous, now I agree. One issue in the UK is showers are often fixed and small and so you end up having to wash your hair/cover it to get a quick shower done, if we had those European shower attachments and tiling, it would be much easier to do a 5 min wash, we have one now and it's fab.

DS has gone a month or more without washing - ASD, absolutely will not bath, shower, or have a wipe down. He goes swimming now, that's the only way we've managed to keep even slightly on top of keeping him clean.

I can't physically force him into the bath. I've tried discussing what the issue is, but he can't give me an answer with a solution, except that he feels cold, but nothing I do makes him feel not cold. Maybe if I turned the heating up to ridiculous levels - 24 or 25 maybe, but we can't afford that. And I don't even know if that is the issue as he'll happily play outside in a paddling pool.

He's always hated it though, from birth he hated being undressed, and as he got older it was always a struggle to get him into the bath.

@EilonwyWithRedGoldHair that sounds really difficult. 🌺

OMG the snot thing. I can really relate. I have stealth-wiped so many noses. I think the frequency of bathing children thing is linked to toileting habits too. We are a "and then you give that area a thorough wash" house - and every single hand wash involves scrubbing your nails. So 2-3 times a week is okay here. The nappy years require daily bathing though.