AIBU to think that bathing your kids once a week is not 'neglect'.

[ThisWillBeInteresting01]

This is spurred on by another threat about someone struggling to keep their house clean. They mentioned that their kids are bathed once a week. This caused a lot of negativity amongst posters, with some comments calling bathing your kids once a week 'neglect'. This surprised me!!

My DC is 4 and has on average 2 baths a week (and yes, sometimes that means 1 a week). It has never been part of our bedtime routine - it gets them het up rather than calming them down. Their hair is washed once a week in term time after swimming class (v long hair as per DC's request, which takes an age to wash and dry). On holidays we once went 3 weeks without washing their hair. Hair was not smelly and looked lovely throughout.
My DC is not smelly, not dirty and most definitely not neglected! They have clean clothes, tidy brushed hair, are very popular at school, and have a generally nice life. (They also have a miraculous ability to somehow stay clean even when eating bowls of bolognaise and poking around in the dirt at school, which is helpful 🙏. Obviously if/when they do actually get covered in mud I wash them!).

I did some poking around and the American Academy of Dermatology say that children below pre-teens do not need more than 1-2 baths a week as long as they're not actively dirty/smelly.
https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing

So is it really that bad not to bathe your children very often?

YABU - Children are dirty and sticky, more washing please!

YANBU - As long as they're not stinking up the bus then it's fine.

@Razorwire the anti-black sentiment jumped out, fucking hell.

can't find the emoji for vomit unfortunately

4 year old and 13 month old here. Generally bathed every night occasional nights off if we can’t be bothered and they aren’t dirty. In summer time 4 year old is sticky with sun cream and playing outside all day so dirty nails and sticky from ice lollies etc. 13 month old likes to put bolognaise in his hair so he needs a bath. I also think young children aren’t the most diligent with wiping after going to the loo and their neither regions need a bit of a soak. So no not neglectful but my kids at least do need a good wash every day!

We grew up with baths twice a week in the 60s i think most kids did. We washed at the sink on other days ( i think)

It is not neglect but it is unhygienic for sure. Kids don't need baths but a shower where they are cleaned with soap is essential. These are habits they learn for life and must be taught from a young age. Bathing is not optional really. Though Europeans are known for their low hygiene standards, so it is not a surprise that this seems acceptable to many on here.

My kids were bathed whenever they got mucky and on a Sunday evening. I never thought about it. My youngest now gets urticaria when he showers so avoids an every day shower, only showering every two or three days. Seems he's allergic to water.

I shower everyday cos i feel better but i actually think it does more harm than good to my skin .

Exactly this.

70s, 80s, and even 90s kids clothes and hair probably stunk of smoke too.

One of my relatives has been dead for 7 years now but when I come back from trips to their house clothes still smell vaguely of cigarettes. (Used to be my hair too but guess it is slowly dissipating from the building) Don’t really notice till we get back as you go nose blind to it.

It's dirty and lazy.

Agree with you and wanted to speak up.
I’ve seen this with friends and know it as fact.

I have just 2b-2c and could leave my hair for easily week with no oil, no grease, no smell. It never looks good right after I wash it.

It seems ignorant to compare hair care of people of different races as we all have completely different needs.

Thanks @AliceOlive, Yep, it's normal (and healthy) for us with type 2-4 to go a week without washing. Who knew stating that different hair types have different needs could be quite so controversial? 🤷‍♀️

As much as we all like a lighthearted debates about hygiene but I draw a line at mocking other people's hair types. That person showed themselves up.

It's absolutely fine but so many now like to make out they're cleaner than other people. It's crap. I shower once a week and wash with a flannel the rest. I guess that makes me disgusting too yet I don't smell or have greasy hair.

Yep, not cool.

I agree with this. It’s probably not neglect as such but why on earth wouldn’t you? Unless you are seriously challenged financially?

Why in God’s name do we get the 1970s held up an an example of acceptable and appropriate parenting standards?

Genitals, bums, armpits and feet which are washed once a week will smell. And washing your bits and pits is more faff than just getting in the shower for two minutes.

Unless there’s a serious dermatological or financial reason, showering once a week is just performance Puritanism. Just wash your kids, you don’t get any extra points for being parsimonious and smelly.

I don’t really understand the ones who are using flannels and this whole “top” and “tail” business (unless it’s due to disability). It sounds so Dickensian, and such a lot of work. I mean they can’t be using the same flannel over and over again, so the dirty flannels are probably just drying on the towel rail, or sitting damp and gross in some bucket in the corner of the bathroom. Then I seriously doubt that they’re washing them at the right temperature: probably bunging them in with the tea towels on a cold wash. All for what? To save a few pence? Time? It’s just so incomprehensible.

If the child looks dirty and smells a lot then yes, it could be seen as neglect (I have a couple at school (secondary) where the smell is extremely bad and lingers until the next morning if they've been in that classroom and safeguarding are involved for this and other reasons).
Mine all had severe eczema so bathing was done more or less depending on the situation. My girls (now teens) will shower every day without fail now and since they were about 11 but my youngest hates baths and showers (it's a chore) so only has 1 or 2 a week but because he's not yet hit puberty, he doesn't really smell. He's going to have to soon though.

With access to hot water and bathtubs and showers I don't see why anyone would only bath or shower once a week unless they were just bloody bone idle. It is beyond gross . Children get dirty. They need to be kept clean.

It's not neglect.

Wouldn't for me though. My kids got dunked every day.

This. I fail to see how a flannel wash can be more effective or time saving than a quick shower. I grew up in a hot dry climate, in a remote area where we relied entirely on rainfall for our water supply, in the 80s. We still had a shower every day from a young age, albeit a very quick one if the water supply was running low. In days gone by in a cold climate, with no indoor plumbing or shower, perhaps it made sense to have a weekly bath and a flannel wash. That’s hardly the case for most people now surely. Presumably a flannel wash involves at least stripping down to underpants so I fail to see how it could be warmer or more comfortable than just getting in the shower.

That said, I do remember my English nans hysterically named ‘power shower’ - trying to wash properly under a dribble of lukewarm water wasn’t much fun.

I've had to do it before after an operation when I couldn't shower or bath
Clean flannel, hot water, well wrung out flannel and soap (dr bronners mint makes you feel v clean) . Lather, rinse with flannel and hot water
Feet in sink if you can reach
Bidet bottle or jug for lower half over the toilet
Put flannel in laundry basket to be washed

Not something I do daily but broken boiler, unable to shower, broken shower/bath...

I use them daily to remove my face cleanser and wash with towels. When they get ratty, they become cleaning cloths
Worked as a carer and I wasn't taught how to bed bath someone or wash them without a shower, it's just common sense

How many arsey flannels have you (I mean the general you, not you personally) accumulated by the end of the week if everyone's had a sink wash 5 or 6 times that week? I hope they're being washed very very well before being used on someone's face the following week.

I'd rather shower than deal with that tbh.

Oh no! You’ve opened the “how often do you do laundry” can of worms now. 😱

This is not just a thing with curly hair. My hairdresser, who's kind of a well known celebrity hair guy, is pretty adamant that the ideal for most people for hair washing is once a month. (assuming they aren't doing dirty work etc that requires it to be more often.)

The problem he says is that most of us have screwed up the way our hair and scalp should be from years and years of over-washing. Getting back to normal means a long period of putting up with hair that will look like shit, itchy scalp, and such, before we readjust. So most people don't ever really try.

@TempestTost I've heard that, also.

Neglect in all cases ? No
But dirty imo? Yes
I wouldn't go a day without washing my genitals so why would my children especially in nappies not get the same ?!
Both mine shower most night with a shower cap on they are 2 and 3 then a bath once or twice