AIBU to think that bathing your kids once a week is not 'neglect'.

[ThisWillBeInteresting01]

This is spurred on by another threat about someone struggling to keep their house clean. They mentioned that their kids are bathed once a week. This caused a lot of negativity amongst posters, with some comments calling bathing your kids once a week 'neglect'. This surprised me!!

My DC is 4 and has on average 2 baths a week (and yes, sometimes that means 1 a week). It has never been part of our bedtime routine - it gets them het up rather than calming them down. Their hair is washed once a week in term time after swimming class (v long hair as per DC's request, which takes an age to wash and dry). On holidays we once went 3 weeks without washing their hair. Hair was not smelly and looked lovely throughout.
My DC is not smelly, not dirty and most definitely not neglected! They have clean clothes, tidy brushed hair, are very popular at school, and have a generally nice life. (They also have a miraculous ability to somehow stay clean even when eating bowls of bolognaise and poking around in the dirt at school, which is helpful 🙏. Obviously if/when they do actually get covered in mud I wash them!).

I did some poking around and the American Academy of Dermatology say that children below pre-teens do not need more than 1-2 baths a week as long as they're not actively dirty/smelly.
https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing

So is it really that bad not to bathe your children very often?

YABU - Children are dirty and sticky, more washing please!

YANBU - As long as they're not stinking up the bus then it's fine.

@EilonwyWithRedGoldHair Maybe try an electric blanket straight after bath or shower. They’re not expensive to run, and he might not be as loathe to take a bath or shower if he knows he can be warm afterwards.

We have one! But I don't think feeling cold is truly the issue, as he won't accept anything that would address that issue.

@EilonwyWithRedGoldHair that's a difficult situation, for sure, sounds like the swimming is the best answer for now and as he gets older, I'd go for not being able to go on the computer/game until washed and dressed appropriately, I used to do this with my dd who is now getting diagnosed with autism and it was the only thing which had any leverage, all bribes/threats were pointless, it was access to the computer and did work (although I didn't use it over washing anyway).

Most people's kids don't fall into this category though. I know there are issues of washing when you have ND, special needs, or at the other end of the age spectrum, dementia and elderly care- I have experience of trying to enforce washing at that end and it's a nightmare as well as essential to prevent skin breakdown and/or UTIs and so on.

By setting up a system where you wash daily (even if just a quick rinse at the basin, bits, pits and face), put on fresh cotton pants daily, put on deodorant daily if the right age group, and check your clothes are clean and non-smelling, you are setting your kids up for the future, this is not rocket science. Whether you then jump in the bath once, twice or shower daily will be less relevant because you will be basically clean.

Interesting
Case of DA being reported in the press
Amongst other things
Female partner would only allow her partner to shower and change his clothes every few days and it's a case of controlling behaviour.

https://www.aad.org/public/everyday-care/skin-care-basics/care/child-bathing

I've just looked this link that people have been saying says you need a bath only once a week or twice, from the AAD (dermatology) and what is says is from ages 6-11 a) bathing daily is fine b) you need one at least once or twice a week c) you should also have one if the child is dirty, been in the sea/swimming, smells or has body odour, sun cream etc d) if they have eczema do what the doctor tells you.

So, it doesn't say have one bath a week at all!

It's not neglect. my 2.5yo daughter gets 2 baths a week because that's enough for her, unless the gets dirty playing in mud / at the beach / general toddler messiness and she needs another bath. She has very dry skin and it's not good for her. If 2 baths a week wasn't enough for her and I wasn't making sure she was clean, then it's neglect. Bit it's not.

Mud and beach mess isn't the issue, bodily fluids are. They need a daily shower to clean smelly sweaty feet, ditto bums and everywhere else. Proper daily bath/shower (not a once over with a wet wipe) is the very basics in personal hygiene.

I agree - they get covered in everything at that stage. Mine were dunked in the bath as soon as they walked in the door from nursery or a day out. Im not a germaphobe, always loved them getting muddy and running around everywhere out and about (sign of a great day), but we always ‘wash the day off’ in the evening. A 2.5 year old should be getting covered in everything during the day (mud/sand/suncream/food/paint) and all the bodily fluids you have mentioned. They get sweaty from wearing a hat in the Summer (which all children at that age should be doing) so that alone means they need a bath or shower.

Nah it's not basics. A child can be kept clean without a daily shower/bath. It's probably just the most convenient option.

When a teacher, childcare staff, lean over your child to assist, help, support, guide … they might make a quicker retreat from the stale, whiffy child, they see the hair, back of neck, feet & socks … and they might stay a bit longer to help the clean or no odor child. Just an observation …

I'm pretty sure the level of smell that might cause people to back away isn't the result of someone having 2 baths a week, washes in between and wearing clean clothes though...?

Well if that’s what they are doing, but we were talking as little as one bath a week, and who is spending ages washing a kid, so much quicker to throw them in a bath or shower.

Of course it is, so much quicker, who is spending time washing a child down, from faces, ears and neck to their bums, feet and genitals each day. Rather than a quick dunk in thr bath or shower. Poor kids.

Yeah, it is not only quicker, it also cleans better. Why spend more time for an only slightly less grubby kid? I could understand in a drought with water shortages but we are a country that is flooding, there is no shortage of water.

Clean clothes don’t fully mask the scent of unwashed hair and body.

The Victorians who washed once a week probably didn’t pong to each other like they would do us.

Your nose gets used to your own level of hygiene. If you are used to being mucky, you won’t smell it on yourself or your kids.

But people with better hygiene will smell it.

The thing is they aren't flanneling their children down, they just don't bother
It is basic hygiene

Exactly. They might baby wipe their hands and face but that’s it. Neglectful parents are lazy, they aren’t going to be doing a head to toe flannel and sink wash instead of baths.

@Sillystrumpet

Of course it is, so much quicker, who is spending time washing a child down, from faces, ears and neck to their bums, feet and genitals each day. Rather than a quick dunk in thr bath or shower. Poor kids.

Exactly. In what universe is flannelling down your genitalia and pits in front of the sink an easier option than jumping in a two minute long shower? It’s a monumental faff, uncomfortable and involves having to wash or dispose of multiple unhygienic rags afterwards, I can’t understand why anyone thinks that’s a more effective, convenient or even cheaper alternative to a quick shower?

It just seems designed to be pointedly parsimonious. I think some people get a bizarre puritanical kick out of trying to recreate an ersatz Victorian poverty aesthetic. Just have a shower!

This - I was a kid a decade earlier and it was Sunday night bath night with clean school uniform to put on Monday morning. We had no central heating at the time (just open fires) and it was f*ing cold in the winter having that weekly bath in an unheated bathroom!

My three siblings and I survived and all have remarkable immune systems these days 60-odd years later...

@BasilParsley

Sure, but if there’s an affordable and far easier option which gets you to the desired standard of cleanliness why wouldn’t you take it?

This insistence that we all did it in the 70s seems it must be OK now is bizarre. Its a bit like saying you had no indoor toilet in the 70s and it didn’t do any harm so why bother with one in 2024z. Progress is good!

We don’t have a bath 🤷‍♀️ daily shower but we have an outdoor lifestyle and the climate where we live means sun cream, sweat, chlorine, insect bites etc.

the adults in the house shower twice a day. Back in the uk I would have considered this a massive luxury and unnecessary use of resources. Here it’s a hygiene issue.

its different for every family. Neglect is not meeting your child’s needs. If you kid only needs a weekly bath and your meeting that…. It cannot be neglect.

No 9ne is saying it’s a matter of life or death for goodness sake, and I think you’d be hard pressed to find any evidence that being dirty and only washing once a week helps your immune system. But I’m sure we are all open to you proving it.

Def easier more fun to have a bath / shower.
But it is NOT neglect to have only one a week.

It's all the other stuff that goes with it. Hand washing, clean clothes, clean bedding and environment.

I don’t believe anyone who is bathing their kid once or twice a week is giving them a good flannel wash every other day,

and I dislike this “well it didn’t do me any harm” nonsense someone posted , harking back to the good ole days.

I don’t believe anyone who is bathing their kid once or twice a week is giving them a good flannel wash every other day,

Good for you. Keeping tabs on what people are " probably " doing.