To be suprised at Butlins and their lack of neurodiverse awareness?

[GreenPhlem]

have just left Butlins. Will hopefully never go back.

We were visiting with our autistic 3 year old grandaughter.

Not one mention of “autism friendly” shows anywhere. Every thing we attempted was too loud and in your face, even with ear defenders on granddaughter was struggling. You would have thought a place like Butlins would put on at least one autism friendly show a day but nope … nothing.

We took her to the tots disco last night - was meant to start at 6pm so we got there for 6pm knowing DGD will struggle to wait for something to happen … 6:05pm and nothing is happening - DGD getting restless and wants to leave. 6:10 the redcoat comes on and says the kids disco will start in about 15 minutes. No chance we could keep DGD happy for another 15 minutes so we had to leave. As we were leaving he said something about another show that would be happening at 7:30 unless the PJ masks photo shoot goes on for too long then that activity will be cancelled!! God forbid they miss out on money making photographs

Swimming - you now have to book a time slot. We booked 11am. 11:05 were still in a queue outside in the rain. When we eventually get in the changing rooms are so packed out (as everyone is going in and leaving at the same time) that DGD gets overwhelmed and shuts down. Nowhere quiet to take her … no thought to neurodiversity

Took her to soft play. I booked her into the toddler area as she would struggle being around the big loud hyper kids. I was told she was too tall for the toddler area and have to go into the big kids area. A small, timid autistic girl going into the big kids area with 10/11 year old kids flying around screaming and shouting?? Was never going to work so we left (DGD was already starting to have a meltdown as soon as she saw the chaos of the big kids area).

Is it just me or what?? Surely a place like Butlins should factor in that some kids may require a bit of reasonable adjustment?

I'd rather eat my own feet than take any 3 year old to Butlins for half term week, go in term time when it's bit quieter maybe

Sorry but it really would've been quite simple to research this beforehand. Why did you go in half term!

You sound like a wonderful Nan. Your family are lucky to have you!

Parent of an autistic child. I don't think it takes too much effort to make some autistic friendly adjustments. The first session of soft play or swimming to minimise queues with no restriction for ages. A single show that is not loud with crazy lighting. A limit on the number of people who can book the autism session so it's not busy and overwhelming - make it an extra early session so that no one else is missing out. I see all kinds of venues, big chains and small I dependents do these things all the time.

The first page of comments here are shameful. "Do you research and don't go" is telling this mum to that autistics should be excluded if they can't cope. If you're defending venues for not making adjustments then that's exactly what you are saying. It's f shameful of you.

I've not been to Butlins (and I certainly won't go now). If it is overall a noisy environment and not suitable for some with sensory processing difficulties then of course it can't be helped, but that's not too say that venues can't make small adjustments and try to make it a bit more bearable anyway.

I'd rather eat my own feet than go to Butlins full stop

It really does not sound like your grand daughter type of thing sounds like she would be happier paddling in the sea and rock pools and more gentle activities. I couldn't stand children parties as a child or children being loud and screaming, I am not ND just couldn't stand it! What you have explained would never have been my thing either.

And I also say this as a mum who sees all the amazing activities on over half term that my child cannot access because they will be too noisy/crowded/stimulating. It's really hard to find things to take my child to, often then are in far flung places, and because of that we have to spend an awful lot of time at home. My child's ND already cuts him off from so much, school and learning, from socialising and friendships, from travelling, and from the bright future that most 6yos have. I think businesses like Butlins can make a few accommodations.

I think it is at times like this that you realise that autism is a disability and that the life you imagined your GD will have is not the life that she will actually have.

You may be able to manage Butlins in the future, but you will do it differently to other families. You may find doing less, having more breaks and allowing more time can make some things possible. You will have to be choosy about the which things you do and when you do them. Welcome to the world of visiting things outside peak hours and peak times of year.

Many places do do autism friendly sessions but they tend to me at times when you can’t visit because of work/school. Many places do have adjustments but they rarely go far enough to make places completely accessible to many autistic people. Autistic people are excluded from society but I can’t see things changing. The alterations required are just too big/expensive.

YABU. And with a child who has autism that pains me to say.

But look at practically. Even if Butlins did have Autism Friendly sessions they'd get gatecrashed by fat mouth breathers and their chavvy kids pumped up on yard-long blue slushies anyway. So you're fighting a losing battle.

Take your GD away in a small static somewhere and enjoy the quieter, simpler things in life.

Tbh Butlin’s was the worst holiday choice for your dgd. It’s sensory overload.
I was a carer for adults with autism. Had to laugh about the family who wanted us to take their relative to Disney. Great idea given they went into meltdown at masks, fancy dress, clowns and anything remotely clown like, flashing lights, fireworks….. We’d have felt like torturers and the poor client would have been permanently terrified.
A quiet week in the New Forest looking at ponies ( a favourite), picnics and a car museum was very much enjoyed.
You have to pick the holiday for the person, you can’t bend the holiday to suit.

Often I get the same. I feel disappointed as we haven’t been able to do what everyone else has done/the main reason for going somewhere or because DS has been obviously overwhelmed a lot of the time and/or has had a meltdown. Even in these cases, however, DS will often say he’s had a great time or ask to go back.

Thanks again everyone … I get that it was my fault which I’ve said yet I’m still getting bashed for it 😂

thanks to those who are being supportive and suggesting alternatives. She would love a farm type holiday so I’ll look into that too.

For those still insisting on sticking the boot in … remember I’m grandma, not mum so I’m not with her 24/7 … maybe it should have been obvious that she’d struggle but it wasn’t to me … she loves going swimming at home, she loves soft play etc etc … I just misjudged how busy and chaotic it would be.

The kids disco was actually “tots disco” … baby shark, wheels on the bus etc so not a full on kids rave … I thought she would like that as she loves dancing to baby shark etc at home. Obviously I got it wrong.

This is only the 2nd holiday I’ve ever taken her on - first one went like a dream so yeah, this one was a bit of a wake up call.

I guess I’m just a bit precious about my DGD - she’s my absolute world and I am guilty of thinking she’s the centre of the universe 😂

😬

You sound like a fantastic grandma your granddaughter is very lucky to have you but honestly don’t beat yourself up about it, you’ve tried something, found it didn’t work, she enjoyed it anyway even though it wasn’t as you imagined

Don’t beat yourself up. Your granddaughter has a brilliant time and that’s what matters.

We live and learn and you tried - that’s the most important thing.

DD has ASD and loves small city breaks like York.

What sort of things does she like doing on short city breaks? Any recommendations for favourite cities very welcome as I'd like to take ASD DD soon.

It depends what she enjoys.

ds is history and train obsessed so we tend to plan short breaks around that. So a night in York so we can do the York Railway Museum type thing.

he was desperate to go to the Tower of London last year so I drove to London and we stayed very close. He enjoyed the Tower but the rest of it was a disaster- him and London aren’t compatible!

for us if we want cities it’s smaller ones like York and Chester. He can cope with Liverpool (very local) for a couple of hours for a specific museum.

I’d second York - the museums are amazing, the river is lovely, so much history. It can get very busy and crowded though

Sure!

Using York as an example, there is an incredible indoor / outdoor soft play farm called Web Adventure that was spacious and not packed and loads of different areas.
York castle museum is brilliant - really child friendly, and they’ve got a full Victorian street recreation that DD was obsessed with.
railway museum is a must do - you can ride the land train from town to there.
lots of it is pedestrianised so didn’t have to worry too much about her bolting into traffic.
really lovely green spaces for her to run around and explore.
it feels less full on and less pressured - you can always retreat back to your apartment or hotel room for breaks and to chill out before heading out for another walk about.

Yes def time it - DD was fine weekday summer and also end of November but we once went too close to Christmas and it was too much.

It's a learning curve for you and the more you take your grand daughter away the more you will get used on how to manage her and where to go and where not to go and when to go.

When you are looking at things like Butlins or theme parks most of them have fast passes which are handy for people that have disabilities Butlins included that way you are not hanging around to long.

If your going to busy places go at quieter times although I do have to say you were lucky to get your grand daughter in the circus considering she couldn't access the entertainment, I could not get my children near the circus because of how loud it was.

Don't stop taking her places this is a trap that many people fall into and it can.make situations worst in the long run, the more you can get her used to going places even if she does have meltdowns will actually help in the long run.

Well done on giving her mum and dad a break.

I have a son with complex needs and although he has an undersensitive profile and doesn't necessarily get overwhelmed (he presents as non verbal with severe learning disabilities) I would find Butlins too stressful to navigate with him, although chances are he'd quite like it!

There are lots of small holiday camps that are probably more catered to your GD needs. There probably won't be entertainment, but it's quieter in general and have basic amenities.

We tend to rent a cottage at resorts that might have a small pool, restaurant and outside space/small park, with not more than 30 units. You'll be surprised at how those places would adapt for you GD too.

It’s not ‘entitled nonsense’ to wish for a more disabled-friendly experience.

The Thomas Centre is especially set up for holidays for non neurotypical children. My own children loved Bluestone in Wales, much calmer there!