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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be suprised at Butlins and their lack of neurodiverse awareness?

410 replies

GreenPhlem · 27/05/2024 08:14

have just left Butlins. Will hopefully never go back.

We were visiting with our autistic 3 year old grandaughter.

Not one mention of “autism friendly” shows anywhere. Every thing we attempted was too loud and in your face, even with ear defenders on granddaughter was struggling. You would have thought a place like Butlins would put on at least one autism friendly show a day but nope … nothing.

We took her to the tots disco last night - was meant to start at 6pm so we got there for 6pm knowing DGD will struggle to wait for something to happen … 6:05pm and nothing is happening - DGD getting restless and wants to leave. 6:10 the redcoat comes on and says the kids disco will start in about 15 minutes. No chance we could keep DGD happy for another 15 minutes so we had to leave. As we were leaving he said something about another show that would be happening at 7:30 unless the PJ masks photo shoot goes on for too long then that activity will be cancelled!! God forbid they miss out on money making photographs

Swimming - you now have to book a time slot. We booked 11am. 11:05 were still in a queue outside in the rain. When we eventually get in the changing rooms are so packed out (as everyone is going in and leaving at the same time) that DGD gets overwhelmed and shuts down. Nowhere quiet to take her … no thought to neurodiversity

Took her to soft play. I booked her into the toddler area as she would struggle being around the big loud hyper kids. I was told she was too tall for the toddler area and have to go into the big kids area. A small, timid autistic girl going into the big kids area with 10/11 year old kids flying around screaming and shouting?? Was never going to work so we left (DGD was already starting to have a meltdown as soon as she saw the chaos of the big kids area).

Is it just me or what?? Surely a place like Butlins should factor in that some kids may require a bit of reasonable adjustment?

OP posts:
SprinkleofSpringShowers · 27/05/2024 15:25

GreenPhlem · 27/05/2024 08:20

What I expect them to do is to put on at least one show a day that is neurodiverse friendly … the cinemas manage it. Less flashing lights, volume turned down etc

To make exceptions at soft play for neurodiversity. It’s not all about how tall a child is. That is common sense.

The swimming thing was a complete farce which ever way you look at it

Show quote history

Really sorry for your experience OP and I’m sorry you weren’t able to have the break you envisaged with your DGD.

Re the soft play though - the rules re size are to protect the younger children, not exclude ND children. Have seen a small child suffer a broken collarbone from an older child who wasn’t aware of their size at soft play.

Bushmillsbabe · 27/05/2024 15:26

NCfor24 · 27/05/2024 08:31

My autistic DS wouldn't have coped with Butlins at that age. We've been going now since he was 11 & he has some self-awareness and can recognise when he will struggle. He will come and watch shows with us but sit with his phone and headphones on...often with his back to the stage! He will dip in and out of the fun but knows his limits. One of us is always prepared to leave with him if necessary.
Last year he wanted to go on a slide at the pool so we queued. After 10 minutes he said he couldn't wait any more so we went back into the pool. We said we'd check the queue next time, but agreed to visit our local leisure centre so he can do slides soon (SEN friendly session).
Generally we do Butlins once a year and our other holidays are much lower key in terms of quiet caravan/lodge accommodation and alternate busy and relaxed days. We don't expect places to make accommodations but appreciate it when they do, and we research pretty much every day out to make sure he can cope. Ultimately the majority of people are not neurodiverse, and a holiday disco without flashing lights, pyrotechnics and loud music is going to be a disappointment to that majority and result in more complaints than a handful from families with ND members who didn't pick their day out/holiday more carefully.

You can get a wristband to enable you to 'queue jump' at pools and fairground on presentation of proof of need. Unfortunately they don't publicise this very well so not everyone is aware of it

Dollmeup · 27/05/2024 15:31

It costs an absolute fortune but I highly recommend center parks as an ASD friendly holiday. They didn't have specific activities for autistic kids that I can recall, but we found it generally a nice relaxed holiday. Loads of space to run about in the woods, fantastic play parks and pools, nice lodges. Lots of different activities if you want them. We went during term time so it was cheaper.

goneaway2 · 27/05/2024 15:32

If you are ever near Preston take her to The Space Centre. You'll need to book in advance, huge, lovely and quiet sensory rooms with soft play elements. Especially for disabled children. It's really really good.

YaMuvva · 27/05/2024 15:34

The world is built for the highest functioning people unfortunately. I have a ND nephew and we carefully research family holidays, I find the smaller fry and independent places are more ND friendly then the big names

Sirzy · 27/05/2024 15:39

If she likes being outdoors and gets DLA then look into a national trust membership. You just pay for the child and then you get a carers card for up to two people to accompany. It works out at about £20 for the year if I remember rightly!

peakygold · 27/05/2024 15:42

This reminds me of a Facebook post during lockdown, where a mum was complaining about the local market being full of people, so they couldn't social distance.
But she chose to go to the market, and you chose, OP, like thousands of others, to go to Butlins during half term. You cannot complain that you didn't have the place to yourselves.
Arrogant people expect the world to accommodate them.

Jellybeanz456 · 27/05/2024 15:44

That's why i stick to quieter and smaller holiday parks so it's not so busy and my asd child isn't as overwhelmed by it all.

Onemonkeyand3wisemen · 27/05/2024 16:05

Brawcolli · 27/05/2024 15:21

It’s not ‘entitled nonsense’ to wish for a more disabled-friendly experience.

Show quote history

Butlins is quite disabled friendly, if you ring them up before hand they will sort out any issues, they do have the sky park which is sensory, they also have the fast track passes, disability friendly accommodation with parking, I can't think of anywhere on site that you need a ramp except for Reds.

KarenOH · 27/05/2024 16:10

peakygold · 27/05/2024 15:42

This reminds me of a Facebook post during lockdown, where a mum was complaining about the local market being full of people, so they couldn't social distance.
But she chose to go to the market, and you chose, OP, like thousands of others, to go to Butlins during half term. You cannot complain that you didn't have the place to yourselves.
Arrogant people expect the world to accommodate them.

I need you to think really hard about what you have written and why it’s ableist, cruel and discriminatory.

LoyalMember · 27/05/2024 16:17

No, sorry, you're being entirely unreasonable. Why take an autistic child to a loud, boisterous holiday resort and expect them to tailor everything for her needs solely? She's your child, it's up to you to do better research instead of getting the hump because every other child was enjoying themselves but yours couldn't.

yumyumyumy · 27/05/2024 16:20

peakygold · 27/05/2024 15:42

This reminds me of a Facebook post during lockdown, where a mum was complaining about the local market being full of people, so they couldn't social distance.
But she chose to go to the market, and you chose, OP, like thousands of others, to go to Butlins during half term. You cannot complain that you didn't have the place to yourselves.
Arrogant people expect the world to accommodate them.

Op has accepted she's been a bit unreasonable. I don't think she was acting entitled.

AStepAtaTime · 27/05/2024 16:23

YABU. Butlins is not the type of place I would take an autistic 3 yr old to. It’s going to be loud, raucous and suit kids who don’t mind boisterous activities, loads of other people & have super high energy levels. I’m not autistic, and I would fucking hate it. There are more suitable half-term options where things could go at a more peaceful and considered pace. You tailor your choices to the needs of the child surely.

ThatUmberTraybake · 27/05/2024 16:26

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Littlemisscapable · 27/05/2024 16:26

GreenTeaLikesMe · 27/05/2024 08:24

Hmmm. Is there really such a thing as "autism-friendly" in such a broad sense? I mean, autistic people and autistic kids of different ages will struggle with different things.

I think Butlins would be unwise to start billing things as "autism-friendly," as inevitably it will be wrong for some autistic people, and then they will get complaints about that from families who have booked for that reason and now feel disappointed.

Agree with PP that something like Centerparc (though pricy!) might be better, if you need somewhere with more quiet and space.

This. Also like others have said they have to have height restrictions on toddler areas it would be chaotic otherwise. Think you need to choose a different location for holidays.

ThatUmberTraybake · 27/05/2024 16:27

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

KarenOH · 27/05/2024 16:29

LoyalMember · 27/05/2024 16:17

No, sorry, you're being entirely unreasonable. Why take an autistic child to a loud, boisterous holiday resort and expect them to tailor everything for her needs solely? She's your child, it's up to you to do better research instead of getting the hump because every other child was enjoying themselves but yours couldn't.

The same way that Soft play centres (loud, boisterous) manage to cater for children with ASD?

YourPinkDog · 27/05/2024 16:29

Centerparcs pool is not quiet and relaxing. It is noisy with children as you would expect.
A lodge near a petting farm or a traditional seaside holiday would work better.

Victoriasponge12 · 27/05/2024 16:32

Which Butlins did you go to? I’ve been to Bognor and found it to be much more accessible than most places. You can get a fast pass type wristband if you show proof of disability (I used DLA, although I appreciate that you DGD might not have this yet aged 3). They also have a quiet arcade (behind the centre stage entrance) with sounds on the machines turned off. I’ve never been to the other ones so not sure if they are the same.

Delawear · 27/05/2024 16:37

GreenPhlem · 27/05/2024 08:32

Ok I’ll accept I’m being unreasonable. I guess I’m just a bit precious about my DGD - she’s my absolute world and I am guilty of thinking she’s the centre of the universe 😂

I’m thinking for next year I’ll just book a lodge in a forest - she absolutely adores forests and from that base we can do day trips out to castles/farms/beaches etc

In hindsight I don’t know what I was thinking when I booked Butlins, we used to go as kids and loved it but obviously I don’t factor in that she isnt me bless her heart.

im still going to mention it in the reviews though.

I’m sorry it didn’t work out. A nice lodge in a forest with appropriate trips out if she settles ok sounds like an idea going forward. She may enjoy having some familiar things and people around her to begin with, so prepare to hole up with some nice provisions and games for everyone.

FlakyScroller · 27/05/2024 16:37

I actually think this will improve a lot over the next 10 years as now the children who see reasonable adjustments as normal become the adults in charge.

Delawear · 27/05/2024 16:40

FlakyScroller · 27/05/2024 16:37

I actually think this will improve a lot over the next 10 years as now the children who see reasonable adjustments as normal become the adults in charge.

Yes - the autistic adults in my life tend to opt for self catering holiday accommodation where they can let themselves in, then come and go as they please. I can’t imagine them ever going to Center Parcs or Butlins.

Hankunamatata · 27/05/2024 16:41

Butlins is my kids idea of hell for reasons you mentioned (they are nd) we are going to try centreparcs for a weekend in a woodland lodge

We did get on well at flamingoland in an onsite caravan but didn't do any of evening entertainment just lots if walking around the zoo area

SoSo99 · 27/05/2024 16:41

Just wanted to say that you sound like a wonderful grandmother (though somewhat optimistic if you thought Butlins at half term would be suitable for anyone but the most noise- and chaos-tolerant child/adult).

ttcat37 · 27/05/2024 16:42

Obviously YABVU. Why did you think Butlins of all places would be suitable to take someone that struggles with the things you’ve mentioned? At the very least any other person would have rang ahead to ask if they had the things you expected before booking.
Most other people would book somewhere more suitable like a self catering lodge somewhere and plan ahead with things to do.