Messy people always get their way

[Wellthatsit]

If you're a tidy person living with messy people, you never get to live in the environment you want, because the messy people always mess it up.

AIBU to feel this is unfair?

It is unfair, but they’re under 8 and I can hardly kick them out! 😄

YANBU. I hate chaos and mess.

Yes I agree.

It has now caused so much hate that I no longer want to live with them.
Bordering on hoarding along with the mess is just disrespectful, selfish and so fucking frustrating.

The crap & rubbish that gets left lying round would remain with more and more and more shite added for weeks, months if I did not clean and clear it daily.

I just am sick to the back teeth of turning my back for 30 seconds and there’s crap piled up.
I can never just sit down anywhere without having to move other people’s shite.

YABU - if you are a super tidy person you need to not live with untidy people. They aren't going to change. You can't change them.

Maybe untidy people should make better choices who they live with. Tidy people aren't going to change either.

Maybe untidy people should make better choices who they live with. Tidy people aren't going to change either.

True, but untidy people don't tend to have an issue with tidy people, it's usually the other way round

True. But they don't care about it and aren't bothered. So the untidy person isn't quietly seething every hour of the day that the other person is super tidy.

That said, I was once seeing a guy, and after we'd done the deed, he went downstairs to collect our clothes and wash up. Absolute instant ick and knew we were totally incompatible.

I don't think it's unfair. It's just an incompatibility, like late/punctual people or early riser/night owl. It's on the tidy people as much as the untidy to recognise this and not live together if you have the choice (like, not your kids).

I agree. It sucks.

I'm a single mom and my ds has developmental trauma and ADHD. I need order and cleanliness. I have ADHD too. This house doesn't function in mess.

I have no time to waste looking for things.

I absolutely do.

my sister is autistic with OCD. She spends hours every day decluttering and cleaning.

I have ADHD and if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.

we never visit one another.

I couldn't be with a super tidy person it would drive me just as mad as I would drive them.

I would hate to walk on egg shells around them and I don't think being ocd or super tidy is any more healthier for the mind as being a messy person.

I can see that living with someone super tidy or with OCD could be oppressive. But I'm talking about normal levels of tidiness and order.

When no one notices or enjoys it, and is happy to undo it immediately without a second thought it is so depressing (and stressful - as there's no way to control it).

I really wish people would stop equating OCD with tidiness.

Messy people have OCD too. Hoarders have OCD.

I really identify with that - if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. Especially with kitchen stuff. I find it really hard to put things away when I know I’ll want them again at some point!

ESH....

People who are very messy can make life uncomfortable for others when they are being disrespectful of communal spaces, and people who are very tidy can make life uncomfortable by making everyone walk on eggshell around them which is exhausting.

The solution is to have an adult conversation about acceptable/achievable levels of cleanliness in communal areas. If not move out- you are not compatible to live together, life is too short.

I live on my own... so I only have myself to blame.

I’m a messy person who hates living in mess. I try to clean but get overwhelmed. If someone else cleans I feel guilty because I’m not doing it. I am so envious of organized people. Interestingly I can clean other peoples places without the same bother so who knows what’s going on?

It is unfair, and usually, don't find these things out until you move in with them.

Even a roommate share situation you may not know it because they may clean up the place for inspection in order to attract new roommates.

I made a mistake of accepting an invitation from a relative to stay temporarily while I found a house. And discovered they lived in absolute filth and squalor severe hoarding with animal waste on the floor.

This. Neither is a moral failing. I have a friend who irons his underpants. I wouldn't live with him if you paid me.

My kids have a massive issue with me.. I'm the tidy one!

I remember when I was younger there were certain people’s houses we all avoided because they had a super tidy parent and it was extremely stressful to go there. You had to walk on egg shells the whole time and it was horrible. There were unfamiliar systems that had to be adhered to otherwise the Mum or Dad would get angry. I don’t think very tidy or very messy is a good thing.

The problem is no one knows what another defines as tidy.
Not putting their dirty cups in the diswasher/sink, leaving their shoes under the sofa, not putting a game away after finishing it.... that isn't being fair to other people.

If you mean they keep the book they are reading on the coffee table instead of putting it away on the dewy decimal ordered shelf when not rrading it, not putting away the monopoly board overnight when half way through, taking a while to drink their coffee... then yes YABU

I'm not exactly tidy... but DH and DD2 are like tornados. It is tiring.

One of reasons I avoid visiting my dad is because he tidies up underneath me. I can't relax in his house because he never stops putting things away. I'm not a messy person but am happy to live with a few of the kids toys out and I don't have to put my cup in the dishwasher immediately after my last sip.

I'm messy. DH is tidy. He tidies up most mess except in my bit of the bedroom where he'll only do it if it gets out of hand and then it's quite a fun thing where he'll do A Bug Tidy and I yay/nay what he bins. It works great. I think the problem comes when someone takes the moral high ground that they are right and the other is wrong. Better to see it as a preference and if someone prefers it super tidy then go for it but don't make a big deal out of it or blame the other person. I manage fine with the minimum required for hygiene and don't want to spend any time on extra tidying.

*big tidy. No bugs!

I grew up in a house of extreme, overwhelming and exhausting perfection. It is still super stressful going home to my parents house and my kids really don’t like it.
My house is clean but a bit messy. And that’s the way I like it.