Messy people always get their way

[Wellthatsit]

If you're a tidy person living with messy people, you never get to live in the environment you want, because the messy people always mess it up.

AIBU to feel this is unfair?

Oh you tidy people… please accept that it’s complicated.

I am untidy and I do appreciate how nice the place is when it’s tidy. But when you’re juggling many things in your life, a tidy house may seem unattainable.

And then there’s the guilt of not being the tidy person, of being the slob, along with the paralysing feeling of where do you start? So you don’t start, then it becomes worse. And you close your eyes to it because you can’t deal with it. And then when you try to deal with your excess stuff it feels overwhelming and unachievable so you stop and the cycle starts over.My son would happily dump most of my stuff in a skip, so that freaks me out. It’s not like my stuff is old tat either, it does need pruning but see above.

I also have trouble parting with things because of sentimental attachment, I might need it; as a kid I didn’t have much so if I get rid of a thing I won’t have anything. And yes that’s ridiculous but here we are.

Oh I got to a full month waiting for flatmate to take out the bins once!

I think we actually over-compensate bc we know how much our chaos affects us and we don’t want to inflict it on others.

But the people you and I have lived with are just your run-of-the-mill selfish people

I am a messy person and naturally attract tidy organised people. They want to help me and I benevolently allow this to happen. I believe it’s a symbiotic relationship following from many years of evolution and we shouldn’t interfere

I'm messy and I hate that about myself. I've tried to change so many times. So I certainly don't 'win' in anyway.

I think that's different to someone who just doesn't give a fuck and is selfish. We all have different strengths and weaknesses that we bring to a relationship

ugh 😑 and if they lived by themselves, I suspect they’d have taken it out sooner, but they were holding out for you doing it!

But the people you and I have lived with are just your run-of-the-mill selfish
🎯

And yes I think you’re right about the over-compensating- that’s something I’ve done in various areas of my life.

I moved about a bit and did have some clean & considerate flatmates sometimes and it made such a positive difference to how I felt.

This is the one area my and DH differ on and the only one that causes arguments!

He moans I don’t hoover or clean - that’s because in my eyes it’s never dirty! He will get the hoover out for one bit of dirt -“because it will get spread around the house “. One bit of dirt to me is not dirty so I’d never think of the hoover.

I’ve remember the important ones

• spray the shower after use
• put things away not down
• im the cook so clean after each stage not when it’s a mess at the end

But it’s exhausting. I love him so I’m not leaving him but gets so angry that sometimes I’ll leave the light on. Or don’t realise there are crumbs on the floor so don’t hoover. I work from home and my deserves him nuts as it’s a mess in his eyes.

My problem is once I manage to reach one standard the bar gets risen! Don’t started off - just spray the shower with pink stuff when you get out - has morphed into - just spray the shower and the squeegee it off before you get out

He is naturally like this and sees me as taking then piss, doing it deliberately and just disrespect. It’s not I just don’t see it until it gets to a certain level but with him it never does as he’s cleaned it already!

If we ever split it will be because of this but I’m not sure what else to do.

To be fair I do like a tidy house but it doesn’t bother me if it’s not. My bug bear is having kitchen cupboards so full you have to take things out to get to the one thing you need. I have cupboards with one or two things in and that’s all. If I have to start unpacking a cupboard to get to a gadget I’ll just not use it.

I would pay a cleaner but he’d clean first. When we stay in a hotel room he strips the bed before we leave!