I’m a middle-aged widow. I don’t want your husband

[CousinBette]

…so you know, I could still be invited to the dinner parties and weekends away that I was invited to before the husband died… Instead, it’s just meeting the woman in the couple for coffee until we are all widows together in twenty years time.

AIBU?

Similar for me after getting divorced, two friends in particular that started as ‘couple’ mates then revolves into being friends in their own right.

I had a rough few years after my marriage broke down and got the feeling a few times they were only arranging stuff to salve their consciences or because they were in need of a bit of drama.

Final straw was when I reached out to them about organising a get together and was told too busy/poorly pet that couldn’t be left. 3 days later they were posting photos of their night out out on FB.

I replied ‘have fun, hope pets name is feeling better’ and none of us have been in touch since.

I hope they feel ashamed of their attitude when sadly their time comes. How devastating for you when you needed their support.

I'm glad to say this is not happening with my mother since Dad died but she's nearer 80 so not a juicy 60 year old! Her friends have been wonderful thankfully.

Some of the PPs who are mocking others who have had the experience of being excluded because of being a threat to other relationships don’t get that it’s not that single women think they are irresistible sex machines, it’s that men presume any single women is so desperate to be validated by male attention and the whiff of being part of a couple again, they’ll be grateful for being hit on by a middle aged gobshite who thinks he’s gods gift.

Absolutely this. And the wives of these types of men (because it's not all men, just a sub-set, with the emphasis on "sub") either know their husband can't be trusted, or fear it could become the case given an opportunity. You've only got to read women's actual experiences that they've written here ("You're an attractive widow, work it out for yourself why we don't want you around") to see that this does happen, despite the sneering comments that it doesn't and it's all in our heads because we are full of ourselves

Hi my reply to @MikeRafone got deleted
I basically said that

1. my reply to OP was a joke
2. . My husband and I do DIY projects together and I have my own cement mixer
3. If i was replying seriously to OP I would say that social exclusion is a worry and that I make a point to invite friends who are both single married, widowed etc so that people do not get left out . Also that I still hold dinner parties as the weather is too bad for BBQ.

I also said that Mike Rafine was humourless But I assume my comment got deleted as I called them ma humourless * . Mike Rafone you are humourless but not a *

This is a phenomenon that sadly happens to people who are bereaved. But I dont think it has anything to do with "jealousy".

When my mum died, I had people avoid me as they felt awkward about what to say- she died young (clearly nothing to do with jealousy)

My friend lost her child in awful circumstances and said people literally crossed the street to avoid her as her loss was so horrific and upsetting (clearly nothing to do with jealousy)

I know people who have been widowed who have been avoided by even single friends so it cant be due to jealousy as they didnt even have a partner to be jealous of!

Therefore, I think it's just death that makes people awkward and stupid. British culture in particular is terrible at talking about death or grief.

If it was purely about jealousy then only those who had lost a spouse would experience this phenomenon but clearly, it's not just them. Many, many people who have lost family or friends have experienced this kind of abandonment so its not just about jealousy.

Yes, this, sadly.

Agreed. So many people went weird around my friend when she lost her baby shortly after birth.

I think because I had lost my first boyfriend I knew that my presence was the important thing not knowing the right thing to say.