Giving grandchildren different amounts of inheritance

[Darinki]

Good evening all,
I am posting on behalf of a friend who isn’t massively tech literate but is seeking advice, obviously she will get professional advice but it is causing a lot of worry and I want to give her some opinions to help in decision making, she knows I am posting and has encouraged it.

My friend is in her 70s, she’s recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer, her husband passed away in 2022.
She had two children, one passed away many years ago the other is in his mid 50s. She has 3 grandchildren, 2 are her sons and 1 is her late daughters. They are all between 18-22.

When it comes to assets all she really has is her house, she got a valuation done recently and it was was around 1.2 mil. She also has some cash savings but she suspects these will be spent on care as her condition worsens.
She has already spoke to her son and he has suggested when she re-writes her will they just skip a generation and go straight to the 3 grandchildren.
Her daughters daughter got inheritance from her mum, she owns property in London worth around 700k at 22 so not doing badly at all, she also has no student debt.
Her sons children will have student debt and other than small savings from their parents no house deposit etc.
Her son thinks because of this the inheritance should be split 10/45/45 or similar. This would still be say £100,000 if not a little more to the cousin who owns property already, but it would also give his 2 children the opportunity to buy a better property. They all live in the London/SE area so housing is expensive!
My friend however is worried that this is unfair on her granddaughter, and is getting herself very stressed trying to decide. She sees merit in both arguments.
so
YABU - It should be equal they all deserve the same
YANBU - It makes sense to give those who have less now more

Thoughts?

I would recommend splitting it as if both her children had survived, so 50% to granddaughter and 50% to son’s children. This is what a good solicitor will initially advise and then go on to tailor to individual needs.

I would imagine her current Will probably leaves 50% to granddaughter and 50% to son and that’s why he’s trying to get her to change it so his kids get more. Money makes people terribly greedy. Son’s kids will obviously inherit from him and he must be doing okay if he doesn’t want to inherit from his mother.

Remember her granddaughter is only wealthy because she lost her mother at a young age and financial circumstances can change at any time. This is why equal is generally best as even someone who is wealthy can lose that wealth if something bad happens.

My grandfather died when I was a young teen and my mother died about the same time as my grandmother when I was an older teen (and my mother had terminal cancer so it was clear that she only had months to live). My grandmother's estate was split 50/25/25 between my aunt, my brother and I (i.e. my brother split my mother's 50%). Neither my aunt nor her children have ever suggested it shouldn't have been this way.

50% to son 50% to granddaughter

My rule of thumb is to never ever give uneven amounts in one's will. I have seen fallings out on both sides of my family over this, along with my DH family. The deceased probably thought they were being fair but the impact on the living can be lifelong. Please urge your friend to reconsider, and not listen to her son.

I agree with this post 100%

I don't know the wider family circumstances, how the grand daughter will take it etc which should also add to her consideration.

If the amount being inherited was around £100k then I would say an unequal split was the right thing to do as it allowed for 2 deposits only. Since the amount being inherited is so high it more than allows for 2 deposits and then something else.

I think your friend should talk to the granddaughter about what she would like to use the inheritance for - education, investment property, money to give her extra time not working when she has children etc. It is a lot of money to inherit at such a young age, especially after losing her Mum.

Whenever someone makes helpful suggestions on how an inheritance should be split, I would only ever listen to them if the suggestion was not to their (or their dcs) benefit.

Either 50% to the son and late daughter’s family or skip a generation and 33% to each dgc. Either way is fair.

Tell the son it is the only fair way, his niece may already (very sadly) have had an inheritance, but his dc will also inherent from him in the future.

I think it would be fine to skip a generation and split evenly between grandchildren. I think his suggestion is pretty outrageous. If I was her I would point out that skipping a generation already favours his children

I feel very sorry for your friend. The uncle seems to be extremely grabby and an absolute CF. He firsts suggests she skips a generation and then suggests a split which favours his sons massively; his children go from 0 to 90%. That’s bonkers.
Your friend should stick to 50% granddaughter and 50% son. It’s then up to the son to gift his sons what he wants.
Again feel so sorry that your friend has to go through this in this fase of her life.

Equally is the only fair thing to do.

The boys will inherit from their own parents too when they die the niece has had her inheritance early because she lost her mum before her cousins lost their parents.

Equal split - it's your friend's money and she shouldn't be emotionally blackmailed by her son to make decisions that put her in a position of emotional conflict. This is what inheritance does to people, turns them grabby.

A key factor to take into account should be who bothers the most with granny, helps her out, comes to visit her, actually makes an effort to have a relationship with her. Inheritance is not a given right.

Split it equally . Her son's children will have extra inheritance from him whereas granddaughter won't .

50/25/25. If her son wants to redress the imbalance he can sell his home and split the money between his sons. What a shit to even suggest his sons get more! How much is his house worth? They'll inherit that one day and I don't see him leaving any to his niece to make it fair then.

Idk if I agree with this. A grandchild, whose parent died when she was a child gets no day in how often she visits the parent of their deceased parent. I say this from personal experience. Once the bond, especially if not that strong, is broken and if the grandparent doesn’t put in a gargantuan effort, it isn’t easily repaired.

Agree with other posters that it would be 50% to daughter & 50% to son in normal circumstances. So asking her to skip a generation is already getting more from his Mum than they would otherwise get.

It's not the niece's fault that his children chose to go to uni. Maybe she wanted to go but couldn't afford it.

The proposal that she only gets 10% is ridiculous & unfair.

What a horrible son she has. I’d split it 50/50 - to the son and granddaughter who receives her mum’s share. He’s really showing his true colours with his suggestion and it’s not good.

Keep it fair. Your friend should split the inheritance in two and give her daughters half to her grand daughter and her sons half to the two boys.

Relationship wise the boys still have their father and each other, lucky them. The boys will also inherit from their father in due course. They have different privileges.

10% is ridiculous, does he actually respect and love his niece? Does he understand the gravity of her loss? Strange he wants to rip her off for his own sons gain

Thank you everyone, I’ll be sure to pass this all on to my friend.

I’m not a 100% on the details but the granddaughter is still set to inherit nicely from her father. The only reason she got inheritance from her mother already is because I believe prior to her mothers death they were living in a large house in London which the mothers pension/life insurance paid the remaining mortgage on and then they moved to be close to her fathers family for childcare help and bought a house significantly less expensive so they money left from the house sale was invested for the daughter. She did go to university but had all fees covered by this money, as well as a property.
I do believe her son is a bit of grabber when it comes to money and doesn’t seem to think very highly of his niece.

The poor girl has lost her Mum and her uncle wants to try and take her inheritance - awful. To be honest I would do it has if it had been split between the children first so 50/50 so would end up up being 50% to the granddaughter who has lost their mum and 25% to the other 2 grandchildren. The son sounds horrible and greedy.

Split equally. If she doesn't the poor granddaughter will be very hurt and it will drive a wedge between her and the others. The only reason the poor granddaughter has more is that her mother is dead. Whereas the others have their parents which is worth more than any money.

I suggest she sees a solicitor to do it and lodges the will with them to prevent any funny business by the uncaring son who is trying to pressurise his dying mother into favouring his own children. She can always tell him it's equal now if that makes her life easier.

I thought he was going to have suggested 1/3 to each and she wondered if that was unfair because technically if both her children were still alive she’d have done 50/50 and her granddaughter would have benefitted eventually from her mother. A granddaughter who has lost her mother already at 22 does not need any sign of not being favoured by her remaining family.

50% to granddaughter 50% to son (he can pass on inheritance to his children if he wishes).

As the mother of children who lost their other parent at a young age I’m appalled to think that a grandparent could possibly think they’ve “inherited nicely” already and exclude them at the expense of their cousins.

I would do 25% to each GC and 25% to her son.

He can give away his 25% to his sons if he wants.

But she hasn't benefited from her mums death. She's lost her mum when she was young. The inheritance was just a side effect of that not a win.

His sons will also be the recipients of his estate when he dies? So they will get an inheritance from a parent at some point but likely will benefit from their parents being around as they grow up.

That girls mother is dead.

The "worst" you coukd justify whould be 33:33:33 which is still unfair and wrong.

But really it should 50:25:25 which is what is fair.

90% to the grandsons is just predatory from the son.
Also those grandsons will at some point inherit from their charming father (&mother,)

The son sounds like a real prince amongst men 🙄

Edit: actually 50% to Granddaughter and 50% to son is the def the best option it also cant be seen as unfair if it outlines its the deceased daughters share.

The Will should also be with a solicitor and the Granddaughter should know the contents of the will and have the solicitors details.