Giving grandchildren different amounts of inheritance

[Darinki]

Good evening all,
I am posting on behalf of a friend who isn’t massively tech literate but is seeking advice, obviously she will get professional advice but it is causing a lot of worry and I want to give her some opinions to help in decision making, she knows I am posting and has encouraged it.

My friend is in her 70s, she’s recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer, her husband passed away in 2022.
She had two children, one passed away many years ago the other is in his mid 50s. She has 3 grandchildren, 2 are her sons and 1 is her late daughters. They are all between 18-22.

When it comes to assets all she really has is her house, she got a valuation done recently and it was was around 1.2 mil. She also has some cash savings but she suspects these will be spent on care as her condition worsens.
She has already spoke to her son and he has suggested when she re-writes her will they just skip a generation and go straight to the 3 grandchildren.
Her daughters daughter got inheritance from her mum, she owns property in London worth around 700k at 22 so not doing badly at all, she also has no student debt.
Her sons children will have student debt and other than small savings from their parents no house deposit etc.
Her son thinks because of this the inheritance should be split 10/45/45 or similar. This would still be say £100,000 if not a little more to the cousin who owns property already, but it would also give his 2 children the opportunity to buy a better property. They all live in the London/SE area so housing is expensive!
My friend however is worried that this is unfair on her granddaughter, and is getting herself very stressed trying to decide. She sees merit in both arguments.
so
YABU - It should be equal they all deserve the same
YANBU - It makes sense to give those who have less now more

Thoughts?

Equally between the three, I think, if she agrees that the generation should be skipped.

The son’s suggestion is appalling - penalising his niece because her mother - his own sister- died!!!

All sorts of things could have contributed to the different levels of wealth and I don’t think it’s right that the grandparent is trying to rectify that. The granddaughter might have worked very hard to get where she is, and her cousins could have coasted, for example. Giving them more would be rewarding lack of effort, in that situation.

Either 50% to the granddaughter and 50% to the son and he can give it to his kids or if she wants to cut out the middle man than 50/25/25. The granddaughters previous inheritance is irrelevant, the girl lost her mother.

The son is a cheeky fucker

By skipping out her son, his children are already getting extra than if your friend hadn't skipped. Her late daughter's half would have gone entirely to that daughter's child, her son's half would have been split. Son is advocating in the best financial interests of his 2, but not in the best familial interests or in the interest of his niece. To give her granddaughter less than 1/3 would be unkind.

So if your friend does not skip a generation, her assets would go half to the daughter (or rather, her heir), and half to the son. So the son’s children would then inherit 25% each. Instead, he is suggesting that his children get 90% of the estate?
He is his children’s safety net. Your granddaughter does not have this anymore.
i think your friend would be generous splitting it evenly, when really, granddaughter and son should get 50% each.
i also suggest to make the will iron clad as the son does not seem to consider his niece much.

If your friend made a will prior to her daughters death which left the estate split equally between both of her children with their children inheriting if their parent predeceases the testator then I'd tell her to leave it, not change a thing then her granddaughter through her daughter will get her half share and her son will get his half share and he can pass that directly to his children if he so wishes. It will take the stress out of the situation for her because her will was already in place. Her son is a CF to try and disinherit his niece regardless of her having more financially than his children.

What an awful uncle. That poor young woman has lost her mum at such an early age & he wishes to do that to her. A fair split would be 1/3 each for each of the grandchildren.

Equal is not always fair.

I don't see an issue with distributing the family wealth in a way that helps some family members to achieve the same or similar levels of financial security than others.

On MN you will always get a large number of people saying you should do an equal spilt.

I honestly don't think that's always the right approach.

In this circumstance I think quite a lot rests on the following:

• how much will the son's children stand to inherit from him? The reason being whilst a disproportionate split might "level out" the circumstances for the grandchildren now, is it possible that in the future the granddaughter might end up with less family wealth overall?

• how close are the cousins? Is this likely to fracture close/positive relationships? Remember the hurt can go both ways in two of the cousins left wondering why their grandparent left so much to someone who already has significant financial security.

• I'd also suggest she speaks to her granddaughter about her intentions. She has spoken to her son and it's only fair after the loss of her mother that the granddaughter gets an equal opportunity to discuss this. Non equal inheritance often causes family rifts because the rationale is not understood and the opportunity to discuss the matter is lost at the point of bereavement. She may well find her granddaughter would understand why her cousins were gifted a larger share. That it is not a reflection of love, but trying to ensure as much parity for all 3 grandchildren as possible. What does she think is reasonable?

• is there also a counterpoint to this? If the granddaughter gets less money would she for example get first pick of any sentimental items such as furniture and jewellery? Again as a demonstration that the cash spilt is not an act of favouritism. Could she be allowed now to select certain items to be left to her in the will?

Communication and clarity is the key here along with getting good legal advice.

The same. Always the same except for in exceptional circumstances (for eg grandchild 1 lives 20 miles away and becomes a full time carer out of the goodness of their heart, and the other grandchildren live 1 mile away and haven’t seen them for years because they don’t give a shiny shite). In the circumstances you’ve described it would be absolutely despicable to ‘punish’ a grandchild for losing her mum

Either go fair spilt 33% each to the DGC or 50% each to the DS and DGD.

I actually think the son is a seriously cheeky bastard to want to do that to his young neice.
She's lost her mum, who knows what support she has from her Dad, but given she inherited from mum, it sounds like Dad isn't on the scene.

The sons/grandsons will presumably inherit upon their fathers death also, they are just more fortunate that their father is still alive and may also live long enough to provide a much larger inheritance than his poor niece did.

His opinion is very very biased and sounds quite horrid actually.

I would split it evenly in thirds between grandchildren or give half to your son and half to niece as it would have been if her mother was alive.

All it will do is leave a bitter taste in the mouth of the grand child who gets less, and their memories of her impacted- questioning if they loved them as much. If that was my Nan I’d be pissed, just because one grandchild has more money doesn’t make it fair to give her less- sounds a bit socialist

Just to add to this if the daughter was alive I assume the will would have been a 50/50 split between the siblings.

As such by skipping a generation the son's children would already be technically benefiting from an unequal split in their favour as a consequence of the daughter's death from 25% to 33%.

As above I'm not adverse to the concept of non equal bequests but I also think your friend needs to be careful about the dynamics at play here.

I don't think the person who is dying should even attempt to have that conversation. How to put DGD into a really awkward spot.

Hay DGD you know I love you all the same Bla bla bla but would you be upset if I left your cousins more than you?

The only polite answer is to say "it's up to you Gran" or "No I don't mind"
It would take a very very strong person to say "Actually I do mind"

Equal split is the only way. Nobody knows what's round the corner. One may marry a multi millionaire and another end up living on disability benefits.

Equal split is the only fair way forward

It's exactly because we are scared of such conversations that wills cause so much angst.

We should be talking about it openly and make clear we want honest feedback.

If it's slit 50% to the grand daughter and 50% to the son (or his kids) there is no way anyone can say it's unfair. It's the most straightforward thing to do.

The son's dc will inherit from him and their mother- the dgd has no mother fighting her corner on this - she will not inherit further unlike her cousins- I would split evenly.

Why should his family get 75%, it's not the granddaughter's problem that they have student debts. His children would be inheriting twice from her, plus whatever he leaves.

That's what I'd do too. The only reason the DGD has money is because she lost her Mum and is still so young. The DGS's will likely inherit from their parents. The son sounds horrible to try to pressure his Mum like this. I'd give the DGD the half that her Mum would have inherited and given the horrible son the other half. If he chooses to gift his half to his own DS's that is his decision. How sad the DGD would be if she felt her Gran loved her less than the DGS's.

When the grandmother has sadly gone, all her granddaughter will know is that she was worth 10% and her cousins 45%. I think anyone in that position would be devastated! And the only person who could tell her any of the rationale is the rather mercenary uncle! Please, tell her not to ever leave behind her daughter's child, feeling this way...

If her daughter were alive, she would presumably have split 50/50. So technically if she splits it equally into thirds, her daughter's child is already receiving less than her 'share' and the other two receiving more - so they'd already be better off.

Leave the fact she inherited early out of it - if you look ahead to these kids being in their 60s, 70s etc - she'd have inherited from her mum in early life then some from her grandmother. And her cousins would have inherited a lot from their grandmother and then again from their father - who, we have to assume is pretty comfortably off himself if he's telling her to skip him for inheritance. And then actually her daughter's child has actually lost out.

However you look at it, emotionally, logically or mathmatically - split it equally.

If you worry about their student debt, give them some cash separately. Or pay some directly off their student loans while you still can.

In all of this, don't forget inheritance tax will take a chunk...

The sons children will one day inherit from him. He chose to have 3.

Equal split between son & late daughter

Late daughters child gets her mothers share.

The poor niece. She has no mother. No siblings. She's lost a grandparent and another on the way out. She'll have little family support around her as she starts her own family etc. That inheritance would help with the financial strain raising a family brings with it when there's little support around her (I.e. cost of childcare etc.).

As @PassMeTheCookies says.

I bet a million pounds uncle won't be helping her. What a shit.

Son is advocating for his 2 DS's whilst poor DGD has no parent left to advocate for her.

I personally think the granddaughter should get 50% which would have been her mother's share, and the sons share split between his children.

The son suggesting 10/45/45 is being a cf
I got very ill 10 years ago, at that time my mum updated her will to say if I died before my mum, my share would go to my daughter

At the time, my sister was a bit miffed because her daughters would get 25% if she pre-deceased my mum. My mums way of looking at it was, had I of had 10 kids my nieces share would reduce

As it happens, my diagnosis wasn't completely accurate, fortunately for me. So I was able to provide sole care to my mum, which was my biggest worry (my daughter would have stepped up if needed, but she was only 20. And as much as an honour and privilege it was to care for my mum it was a linely position to be in x

Wow. So her son wants her to cut the inheritance to his niece twice!! Once by skipping a generation then by demanding his dc get a greater share of the pot. Cheeky fucker.

If the daughter would have been alive it would be 50/50 so I think it should be 50/25/25 which the granddaughter getting her mothers share.

Yes she already has in inheritance but at 22 has no mum and no grandmother either !! Also her son will give future inheritance to his kids.

However it that will alienate the granddaughter from her uncle and cousins equal split between the three so she doesn’t lose all family