Giving grandchildren different amounts of inheritance

[Darinki]

Good evening all,
I am posting on behalf of a friend who isn’t massively tech literate but is seeking advice, obviously she will get professional advice but it is causing a lot of worry and I want to give her some opinions to help in decision making, she knows I am posting and has encouraged it.

My friend is in her 70s, she’s recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer, her husband passed away in 2022.
She had two children, one passed away many years ago the other is in his mid 50s. She has 3 grandchildren, 2 are her sons and 1 is her late daughters. They are all between 18-22.

When it comes to assets all she really has is her house, she got a valuation done recently and it was was around 1.2 mil. She also has some cash savings but she suspects these will be spent on care as her condition worsens.
She has already spoke to her son and he has suggested when she re-writes her will they just skip a generation and go straight to the 3 grandchildren.
Her daughters daughter got inheritance from her mum, she owns property in London worth around 700k at 22 so not doing badly at all, she also has no student debt.
Her sons children will have student debt and other than small savings from their parents no house deposit etc.
Her son thinks because of this the inheritance should be split 10/45/45 or similar. This would still be say £100,000 if not a little more to the cousin who owns property already, but it would also give his 2 children the opportunity to buy a better property. They all live in the London/SE area so housing is expensive!
My friend however is worried that this is unfair on her granddaughter, and is getting herself very stressed trying to decide. She sees merit in both arguments.
so
YABU - It should be equal they all deserve the same
YANBU - It makes sense to give those who have less now more

Thoughts?

The fairest way would be to split her estate in 2 and her DGD (daughter’s child) get her mother’s share. Her DS can then pass it on to his children via a deed of variation if he wishes. Anything else shows huge favouritism to DS.

Need to split fairly - my family fell apart due to this - cousins not talking and grandchildren refusing to talk….

Split evenly is the only way.

Remember that she is only looking at their circumstances as they are RIGHT NOW, but these can change in a heartbeat. The kids with student debt and no property could win the lottery/marry a rich spouse/get a higher paying job than the others. Similarly the kid with the £700k house could lose half the equity in a divorce.

At one time, I was significantly richer than my sister. Post a costly divorce for me, and a substantial inheritance for her DH, we now have about the same. My son at one point was set to marry into a family worth millions, at that time my daughter didn't even have a boyfriend. Fast forward to now, my son isn't with the rich girlfriend any more, and my daughter is married.

Ten years from now, all of the grandchildren's lives will look different to how they are today : splitting evenly is the only way to go!

Fair split. I have read a lot of these scenarios and it causes a lot of hurt for the person who gets much less. It's like saying "I love you less." It will also cause relational problems between the uncle, niece, and her cousins. Not to mention affect how she remembers grandma.

The son will also leave an inheritance to his kids in the future. He is very greedy. The kids are getting plenty anyway. This is frankly pathetic.

Oh and also to add, my DH's grandparents didn't split their will evenly. For some strange reason, their sons were given more than the only daughter. Daughter expected the brothers to even things out, but they kept the extra for themselves - as a consequence the 3 siblings haven't spoken for the last 30 years. Such a shame.

@Darinki no no no!! the division must be equal as in the two dgc from her son get his share shared between them and the daughter of her late daughter gets all her late mother's share/ money does not make up for the loss of a parent!! what her son is suggesting is grossly unfair!! I say this as a daughter who only got a minimal amount in mothers will as did sister, but the golden child got absolutely every thing else including the house, right down to the last tin of beans in the kitchen cupboard. we had both felt unloved for a number of years.

@yourenotkidding This thread you have reignited is from a year ago.

It is possible the OPs friend in her 70s with terminal cancer is no longer with us.