Would you dry and fold your hosts' laundry?

[youdialwetile]

Interesting disagreement in our house about "helping" vs "overstepping".

DH's brother is staying with us - he's on holiday. I put on a wash before heading to work one morning. Came home (finish at lunchtime) and noticed BIL's laundry is on the line. I wondered what had happened to my load (was laundry for DH and me).

I assumed BIL had taken it out the washer and left in a basket. But no - he had put it all in the dryer, then sorted and folded. Thankfully there was nothing that couldn't stand a tumble - my gym kit usually line dries but it seems ok.

I'm just feeling a bit weird about him sorting through our underwear etc. He folded pants, matched socks, made a little pile of bras etc.

AIBU? My DD16 is with me, but DH and DS13 think it's totally normal and I'm being weird. So am I?

Well it was sort of kind but I’d rather my BIL didn’t touch my pants. If it was bed linen or kids clothes I’d be less

BIL is 64 and lives alone. DHs older brother. He's about 25 years older than me. Not sure if that's relevant.

Wouldn’t bother me, it’s just clothes, and clean ones at that.

It sounds like an attempt to be considerate and polite. When he discovered the underwear he probably cringed too but too late to just leave it or that might have seemed worse! Keep your undies separate and do yourself.

Don't do it!

Sorry! I totally misread the op. I would feel very awkward about that.

Yup this! Probably didn’t give it a second thought until he came across the underwear and then felt hugely embarrassed but had to keep going. If you don’t get any creepy vibes from him then it sounds like he’s just trying to be a really considerate guest.

Sounds like he's being a considerate guest - I'd be thrilled if someone did my laundry. I couldn't really care all that much about underwear - it's not like he would have seen me wearing it! It's just fabric at the end of the day.

It would have been obvious it was pants, socks etc when he pulled it out the washer. So he could have opted to leave in the basket, but he chose to forge ahead, dry, and fold.

Wouldn’t bother me if it’s family. I wouldn’t want them handling my dirty laundry but that’s more for their sake than mine! Clean clothes being folded is fine by me.

I think it was a nice thoughtful thing to do. I really don't understand people being squeamish or embarrassed about underwear. We all wear it. We know we wear it. Unless it was odd ball kink stuff... I simply can't see what there is to be embarrassed about

Of all the things to be angry about this isn't one. The man sorted out a household task.

Reminds me of where l used to live. The kind helpful older chap next door, climbed over my fence one day when it started to rain and l was at work. He “rescued” my washing from the line and presented me with a basket of folded laundry on my return, knickers and bras on top!

I would be really happy if my BIL pitched in and did chores. It’s just clothes.

Not angry. Just having a discussion.

It's weird. I wouldn't mind a bunch of towels or something but I wouldn't want him fondling my knickers

I'd be miffed he'd put it in the drier because I tumble very few items and it costs a fortune.

But other than that I wouldn't mind. I was dog sitting once and my friend had left an airer of clothes which were dry, so I folded them all and put the airer down. It was only towels and t shirts though, no underwear.

sort of get why you'd feel a bit odd about it, but compared to all the threads on MN about house guests that expect to be catered for, chauffeured around and generally waited on hand foot & finger, on balance I'd rather have you BIL to stay.

Your brother In law sounds wonderful!!I think I would feel a bit off about the underwear too, mainly because I’m post partum and my undies are far from stylish😂😂😂

I think it depends how "uptight" you are about personal items like underwear. I'm firmly in the uptight category and would hate for a male guest to have done that. Any guest really but in particular a male one.

I am realise that this is my problem though as I'm similarly private in other matters. I do think I could get over someone sorting my clean laundry like this but having them put on a load of dirty items would be too far.

I agree - my gym kit should not get tumbled. Luckily there was nothing special that couldn't tumble. I was surprised he assumed he would know the "right" way to dry it.

We have two cleaners come on Friday mornings (two are quicker than one, so they spend less time here). I am at work when they come. I put washing in the machine and they will hang it up when they come. If there's stuff on the airer already, they remove and fold it. They also strip and remake the bed, putting the bedding in the machine and hanging it up to dry before they leave.

I can't be bothered to be uncomfortable about this - it makes my life easier!

Send him over to me please.
(YABU)

A cleaner is a different relationship ti a guest.

Why say fondling? Why turn it into some sort of implication of inappropriate behaviour?

@OP it wouldn't bother me at all. My brother and SIL have had several periods of life where they have ended up living with us for several weeks or months. We all just did each other's laundry all the time. It's just clothes, nothing sordid.