Would you dry and fold your hosts' laundry?

[youdialwetile]

Interesting disagreement in our house about "helping" vs "overstepping".

DH's brother is staying with us - he's on holiday. I put on a wash before heading to work one morning. Came home (finish at lunchtime) and noticed BIL's laundry is on the line. I wondered what had happened to my load (was laundry for DH and me).

I assumed BIL had taken it out the washer and left in a basket. But no - he had put it all in the dryer, then sorted and folded. Thankfully there was nothing that couldn't stand a tumble - my gym kit usually line dries but it seems ok.

I'm just feeling a bit weird about him sorting through our underwear etc. He folded pants, matched socks, made a little pile of bras etc.

AIBU? My DD16 is with me, but DH and DS13 think it's totally normal and I'm being weird. So am I?

Absolutely agree. I would be really grateful.

But underwear just covers a part of your body like any other garment - why embarrassment? At 64 he knows you have a bum and boobs. If it was agent provocateur undies then I could see the embarrassment but I wouldn’t be putting those in a general wash

I would've been more peeved if he'd left screwed up wet washing in a basket so he could use the washing machine

Me too.

None of my clothes go in the tumble dryer, so I would have been cross about that!

I’d think nothing of it and that he was trying to be kind.

I am still cross about my ex's parents doing my washing when they stayed in our flat as it was a) underwear and b) meant to be washed by hand. What possessed them to go rummaging in the dirty laundry basket I have no idea.

The use of the word 'fondling' by a previous poster is completely OTT in this situation.
OP I think don't worry about it, it's a quite a nice to do apart from using the Tumble dryer inappropriately.

So if you had come home and he'd used the washer for his clothes and hung his clothes out what would your post be?

"Selfish BIL left our laundry in a basket and hung his own out. The audacity."

The only one being weird is you, I can understand your DD16 being embarrassed but you're an adult. Poor man is now being hauled over the coals and being branded a knicker fondler by other posters.

Do you get it flustered if a man is in the shop looking at bras when you're there? Are your knickers past their sell by date or from Love Honey ?

Overstep as much as you like if you're at mine. If you do it, then I don't have to 😊

I hate hate HATE people touching my stuff. FWIW I equally hate touching other people's stuff - I would rather get soaked to the skin than borrow someone else's coat (it might be different if it's a spare coat, but I definitely couldn't wear someone else's personal coat)

BUT I have discovered over the years that some people literally don't care. And those people don't stop to think about the first sort of person, because it just doesn't occur to them that the first type exist!

Basically, he hasn't been unreasonable or weird, but also it's not unreasonable or weird for you to ask him not to do it again.

I did it for a Professor friend once when he was staying. He was getting pissed with my DH and I knew it was just going to get left to moulder.
He was pleased and didn't care that I'd sorted his undies, but he is German.

No. It would not.

Again: not angry. Just having a discussion

I'd be embarrassed about anyone dealing with my knickers but only because they're huge! 😳

This was a family member trying to help.

I also prefer to sort which of my items get line dried and which go in the tumble dryer, so I get any annoyance on that. But I would close my eyes to that and thank him sincerely.

Maybe he thought it would look rude if he left it in a damp pile? Plus, it might start to smell being left? Can you send him to me please.

Unless your underwear pile contained crotchless knickers and peephole bras I'd be overjoyed that someone had done it for me.

He was trying to be nice, so it's best to accept his intentions were good. I really wouldn't mind if someone dried and folded all my laundry for me, especially as it's a job I dont enjoy!

My siblings and I are all too old and too ugly as are all of our knickers. We've seen each other in bathing suits and in our undergarments so unless it was a case of one of us having made a proper mess of our drawers I don't think anyone would be bothered. (only female in the family)

I'm assuming this came from a good place. I mean, does he creep you out in any other way? Personally I wouldn't want my brother in law sorting out my pants and I would feel embarrassed by it but it's done now and unlikely to happen again.

I really have no concern about who sees my clean knickers. Similar can be seen in a couple of well known department stores.

I’d be fine with this - silly and OTT reaction from PP who implies he was ‘fondling’ your knickers.

I’ve lived in house shares where sometimes you have to swap over loads when someone goes out, sometimes I’d take someone else’s clothes out of the dryer and fold them or leave them in the basket. I’ve bought bra’s in M&S and there’s a man on the till, bought thongs in Primark with a man on the till.

I agree with you, I find this squeamish attitude towards underwear weird. Like those who don't put their underwear on the washing line in case people see it - shock, horror fetch the fainting couch and smelling salts.

Can't both things be true? He was helping and trying to be considerate but you felt a bit weird about him touching your underwear.

It doesn't have to be either weird or normal, it can be a bit of both surely? Nice of him but a bit weird for you.