Would you dry and fold your hosts' laundry?

[youdialwetile]

Interesting disagreement in our house about "helping" vs "overstepping".

DH's brother is staying with us - he's on holiday. I put on a wash before heading to work one morning. Came home (finish at lunchtime) and noticed BIL's laundry is on the line. I wondered what had happened to my load (was laundry for DH and me).

I assumed BIL had taken it out the washer and left in a basket. But no - he had put it all in the dryer, then sorted and folded. Thankfully there was nothing that couldn't stand a tumble - my gym kit usually line dries but it seems ok.

I'm just feeling a bit weird about him sorting through our underwear etc. He folded pants, matched socks, made a little pile of bras etc.

AIBU? My DD16 is with me, but DH and DS13 think it's totally normal and I'm being weird. So am I?

When you want to kid yourself that you have some order in your life 🤣

yes exactly. No one folds knickers therefore I believe he was taking a chance to "fondle" them* *

I mind staying with friends years ago. I ended up staying longer than planned so had to do a wash, and left it in the dryer when I went out. Came back to find friend’s husband, needing to use the dryer himself, had taken it out and folded it, with my bright red bra on the top. I didn’t say anything to him, assuming my friend had done it, but thanked her later. She told me what had happened and said he’d been worried I’d be upset by it. It didn’t bother me, it was kind of him to do so. It’s not like he was fondling my undies in situ.

Then again their dog took a pair of pants out my bag and ran through the house with them so I think we were past the embarrassment about my smalls stage! 😂

It was thoughtful. I'd rather a guest did that than left clean, dry laundry just scrunched up in the basket where it gets creased beyond belief or if it's wet it goes musty and disgusting. Obviously different if tumble drying clothes that aren't fit for it but as that hasn't happened here, it feels like a bit of a storm in a teacup.

Oooft tricky one. Personally, I would feel awkward but would recognise he was being very considerate and just move on.

Don't be ridiculous - I fold my knickers as do most of the people I know. You believe he was taking a chance to fondle her knickers (and her husbands pants too?) you have a very warped mind, you need help if that's your first thought in this scenario.

I fold my knickers so they fit in nice colour piles in my drawers. I fold my bras in half too so they also go in a pile. Well three piles. I have a lot of underwear.

He was either trying to be helpful or getting sexual kicks from fondling yours and the kids underwear. You know him better. Which is it?

It's odd to go sorting through and just wash underwear, I agree,but that's very different to wanting to use the washing machine so doing what needs doing to that laundry

Or your bum is huge and they cover it all

Just say thank you and be glad it’s a job done for you. So it was underwear if you put his washing through for him presumably you would be horrified it included pants and socks? Too precious by half

Then surely he'd have just had a rummage, found ops skimpiest pair, and his them in his room for a fancy wank 🙄

I work in a small learning disability care home, if doing a 24 hour shift (includes the sleep in) it's normal for other staff/clients to do your laundry! We were a uniform during the day and our own nightmare but we all chuck it in and however is going to do the next load folds it. We are all people and we all wear pants.

I thought it was a bit weird to start with but no I think it's totally normal and I appreciate not going home with dirty nightwear.

I think it was meant to be helpful.

I guess he wanted to do his own washing and thought he'd be helpful and dry yours rather than just leave it wet in the basket.

I'd cringe at him folding my keks and bras but no more than I used to cringe when my MIL would do stuff like that - she meant no harm but I used to hide the washing basket when she came over!

Oh this is giving me painful flashbacks to when DP’s mum used to look after DD at ours and she would go through our laundry baskets and wash knickers and put them all over our radiators to dry. We told her not to and she stopped doing it, but then would forget we’d told her this and would start doing it again.

i ended up hiding the laundry baskets in a locked wardrobe.

I think it’s slightly icky your BIL doing this. Did he really need to do his laundry just at that particular time. I’m sure he could have waited till machine was free.

The only bit that would bother me would be putting things in the dryer that should be air dried.

It's likely he thought wet washing left in a basket for you to deal with would end up getting smelly.

No room on the line?
Not enough room in the dryer for his?
Prefers the smell of air dried laundry?
Doesn't like or is allergic to the smell of dryer sheets or whatever she uses to limit wrinkles?
Arthritis limiting the amount of movement in putting wet clothes on the line before he started to feel sore?
Feeling a bit funny about too much handling of other people's laundry?
Couldn't carry a big, heavg basket of wet washing to the line, or more than one basket, so opted to line dry just his and bung the rest quickly into the dryer?

Was raining when he changed the washer over but had cleared by the time his wash finished?

I'm such an overthinker that I'd probably be wondering if he'd see the wash and dry it so I wouldn't have put it on in the first place if I was worried.

I think he did a nice thing and might have been worried about just dumping it in a basket.

But in life everything is context. If you get on well and he's pleasant then no problem. If he has previously given you creepy vibes then might be a concern. You've not mentioned any issues so I'm going for he's a good sort!

I think he was being very kind.

He obviously felt he couldn't leave it in a wet mess in a basket, that would have caused extra creasing so put it into the dryer then couldn't leave warm dry clothes in there either as they would also be super creased.
I'd much rather come home to a dry folded pile than a wet basketful

You think he contrived the whole situation?

Really?

It was kind of him.

He probably needed to do some washing, found your stuff in the machine and thought “if I leave this in a damp pile in the warm weather it will start to smell and I’ll be in the wrong so I better dry it”.

I wouldn’t see this as overstepping unless you’d already asked him not to do it. It seems like it comes from a kind and helpful place, not pushy or manipulative.

It’s fine to ask him not to do it, though personally I think you’d be a fool to turn down the help! But I would phrase it as being due to your laundry being finicky and not that you think him seeing/touching your underwear while doing the laundry is somehow indecent.

(If you really do think he might be perving on your undies I would ask him to leave altogether, not just leave your laundry alone.)