To stay at home every weekend ?

[Woolygreyowl]

Is this weird / wrong?

Dc are at nursery / school all week. Each has one extra curricular activity a week. We walk (3 year old still uses buggy) but that’s still plenty of fresh air.

Every weekend we stay at home - the dc have toys / arts and crafts / the garden. It’s time to relax and do things at our own pace. They have a nice time and so do we. MIL has heavily criticised my parenting and SIL (who is a childcare practitioner don’t you know 🙄) thinks I’m affecting their ‘social and emotional development’ (?wtf!) because we are at home every weekend??!

Are your children generally happy? not throwing tantrums for no reason? eating well? sleeping well? Doing Ok at school and nursery? Because if they are then your mil and sil and ALL of Mumsnet who disapprove can jog on.

I love these weekends they’re the best. We have 3 children under 6. We have a huge garden and after the hustle and bustle of the busy working week we look forward to nothing more than chucking on our comfiest clothes and pottering about. The kids swim, play in the sand, trampoline, arts & crafts, play in their bedrooms, watch movies/ipad. We don’t do it all weekend, every weekend normally because there’s a birthday party or we’ll visit friends etc but if I didn’t have any other plans for the rest of the year I’d be quite happy! 😁

Yes to all but ds (3) has huge amount of meltdowns (but these are during the week as he gets exhausted and overstimulated) apart from that they are all happy and healthy

The times that my daughter remembers from her early childhood with most happiness are all the hours we spent sitting on the floor playing with her toys, and playing in the garden - not the trips to museums and castles. She enjoyed trips too, but mostly in the holidays and after a week at school, she just wanted to stay at home and play and draw.

sounds like you are doing a stellar job then.

Your life sounds a bit like what my life was as a child. I don't think that's bad thing. You don't say how many children you have or what ages.

I would hazard that if you have three and one has ASD, it would be a bit of a drama going out. I would also hazard that the 3 year old might enjoy the routine and quiet of your house. That's OK.

Your dh sounds supportive and I would crack on. You may find that your children might want to do other extracurricular activities which might bleed into the weekend.

She posted on AIBU and asked for opinions, so I assume she’s fine with people saying they wouldn’t do it or they don’t think it’s ideal for whatever reason.

I have a toddler and two step children. I would much rather take them out somewhere than stay at home all weekend, but it probably depends a lot on personalities and location.

Recently I went to dinner at my DB's house, asked my 7yo DN how he'd spent his day and he said they didn't do anything. Turned out my SIL had taken her kids to 2 museums that day! So I asked him what he'd seen, and he still couldn't tell me. I'm not sure 'enriching' days out really register as much for the kids as much as for the adults!

My brother doesn’t remember any of our childhood holidays before age 12! We had a faux-middle class upbringing but both failed to thrive due to the abuse underneath. And I remember the nice trips and holidays down to what I ate.

What really matters is a real connection to your family. The “fun for all the family” stuff is a modern invention.

Really sorry to hear about that, I'm guessing you're familiar with the Stately Homes threads 💐

Sounds lovely, i love having a quiet weekend. Although, not every weekend surely? As much as i enjoy a quiet weekend, there must be times where the kids have parties, friends are free, something great on at the theatre etc must happen once in a while?

What fantastic weekends your children must have, Space to play in their own space with their own toys and a chance to just be and to rest.. Sounds perfect

Sounds absolutely fine!
In my experience, kids relax more at home doing their own stuff - it's proper downtime. Being shoved into a car, sat in traffic to whatever attraction is stressful to all!

That's the OP told then 😵‍💫

Carry on doing what suits you and your family best.

You may find as the children get older they'll want to get out a bit more.

But definitely don't live your life according to other people's 'rules'.

Well it's how I was brought up and I am a well-rounded, sociable individual. Days out were treats, not expected. It's good for kids to not have to be entertained all the time and just use their imagination.

Not for me ! I think mostly fine but I think surely your kids would benefit from going to sone parks and running about ?

Fair enough tho if the little one has asc. That must make it less appealing to go to busy parks

If it works then do it and nothing to justify or explain. I have the opposite experience with DD who enjoys being out and observing the world. She goes to childcare too but she loves seeing people and things. Weekends are our busiest times and we are always on the move.

I wouldn't want that for my children. But you do you. They'll judge you on it eventually.

OP is doing just fine. Kids do not need constant activities to grow up well-adjusted. I’d venture they appreciate the half term and holiday activities even more than if they were being constantly entertained. Unstructured play is v. important for child development—resilience, self-sufficiency, and development of imagination.

If it works for you then that’s great, there’s nothing wrong with this. My DC get bored just spending one day at home so it’s great they can entertain themselves.

When I was younger we didn’t go on big days out every weekend. Weekends were spent playing outside / at the park with friends and visiting family.

How old is your oldest DC? The only strange thing is that they haven’t had any birthday invites for 2 years.

Some people are so busy mon-fri that they like to have a rest at weekends. Theres nothing wrong with that. Small kids don't need to be taken to places all the time. They will be perfectly fine playing in their own garden and with their own toys. It's not like they do nothing all week/in the holidays.

Later on the kids will make friends, go to parties at weekends, join sports clubs etc and the OP will be busy - she might as well enjoy the downtime before all that starts!

There are loads of things I took my kids to when they were little that they don't remember at all - my parents took my little siblings to Disneyland Paris when they were about 8 and they don't even remember it - maybe it's better to be busier when the kids are older and need different stimulation to what they have at home.

Also OP and her DH don't owe entertainment and outings to mil. If sil has got the arse of doing it herself, she can take it up with her mum. Good on OP for not letting herself get landed with the weight of other people's unreasonable expectations!

So your children have siblings and parents, they have a garden, craft activities toys etc to keep them entertained on weekends. I don't think they will be deprived by avoiding going out on weekends.
For you that's family time, for us too. My youngest has adhd and really needs the cool down time of the weekend. Before we had him our weekends were packed every Saturday we had a children's bookclub plus music classes dinner out. Then a Sunday day trip either into town or to a beach or new city etc. It got to a point where my eldest at 11 refused to go out. Then we had my youngest who requires downtime. Just because we as parents feel that we should be doing something for them every second it doesn't mean it's best for them, children need to be bored for the imagination to kick start

I'm with SiL. Sounds very limiting to me.

Don't you ever take them to the library, or swimming, or to the park, or to an open day at the local fire station, or to a Summer Fair or local carnival or fete ?
To feed the ducks or climb a hill or wander through a forest, or even on jobs that need to be done - going to the shops or even the local tip ?
Don't they have any social interaction outside of school / nursery except with each other ?