To stay at home every weekend ?

[Woolygreyowl]

Is this weird / wrong?

Dc are at nursery / school all week. Each has one extra curricular activity a week. We walk (3 year old still uses buggy) but that’s still plenty of fresh air.

Every weekend we stay at home - the dc have toys / arts and crafts / the garden. It’s time to relax and do things at our own pace. They have a nice time and so do we. MIL has heavily criticised my parenting and SIL (who is a childcare practitioner don’t you know 🙄) thinks I’m affecting their ‘social and emotional development’ (?wtf!) because we are at home every weekend??!

I’m not sure about the parties as previously we always accepted and went but the invites just dried up ?!

Op, when do you see your friends/exercise/enjoy your own hobbies in this set up?

I go to the gym mon and wed evenings, a pilates class on Thursday evenings and usually once or twice a month I see my sisters and/or friends we go out for a meal or now that the evenings are lighter go for a walk

Good, I wasn't being arsey. I just hate the thought of women losing their own stuff to have kids.

Each to their own and if you have an ASD child they may need the downtime at home to decompress. I don't get why people are saying you should be taking them out and about and fretting about party invites. You take them out during school holidays and see family during the week so not sure why people have an issue with it just because they do things differently.

Why does MIL want you to take the kids out when surely that would give your DH less time to see her and take her out. That seems more of an issue. Tell them your kids are happy with the routine as are you and your DH.

I think she means for me to take the dc out myself and then dh can see her ! They think I’m using the dc to keep dh here and away from them at weekends . I suspect SIL wants a break from MIL too

People can’t fathom that you like your own company or being with your own family because they can’t imagine feeling like that. They run on the company of other people and therefore you must be broken!

We love being at home. To me a home is your bit of land that you make as nice as possible for the people living on it. It’s there to live in and enjoy with your family

Mine are grown up now, but I completely agree with this. When they were older they had friends round to play of course, but when very little it was lots of fun to do things at home. You really can make your own entertainment. None of mine ended up "climbing the walls" at weekends because we all had plenty to do in the house or garden.

Everywhere's so bloody crowded at the weekend and no fun at all.
Now they're grown up and still no sign of them climbing the walls for want of a bowling alley. Completely self reliant - extremely sociable in company on the one hand, but not afraid of their own company on the other.

Meh to all the posters who assume that if you stay in on the weekend your children will end up insular and limited - I had a childhood where the weekends were predominantly at home, and I've since lived in 3 countries with a well-rounded social life and good career and guess what...I still choose to stay at home most weekends because it makes me happy.

OP, if your set up works for you then bugger everyone else's opinion. Your kids clearly get socialisation during the week and have access to new experiences during holidays etc.

I think it's really beneficial for kids to learn to play by themselves - my DB's children seem to need constant entertainment from their parents and I think it's partly because they've always been ferried to and from "experiences" since birth. They seem borderline incapable of amusing themselves. Plus they seem to believe everything is centred around them (e.g. on the few occasions I go round they're constantly interrupting adults during conversations to talk to their DM). At their ages I'd happily be playing lego/reading a book/writing a story etc. in my at home time without pestering my mum all the time.

Absolutely fine. Home is home for a reason. What's the point in having one if you can't relax and enjoy it?

Also, children need downtime. They need to learn what it is to be bored. They can play at their own pace, learn how to entertain themselves, enjoy the things they have at home and their garden etc. Or just relax too!

This is one of the problems with children these days. Many children don't know how to play without being constantly entertained. Or they get bored and moan repeatedly instead of using their initiative. This culture of having to be out and about at all times has been relatively recent, and look at the difference in children now, to 30 years or so ago...

I think it's really beneficial for kids to learn to play by themselves - my DB's children seem to need constant entertainment from their parents and I think it's partly because they've always been ferried to and from "experiences" since birth. They seem borderline incapable of amusing themselves. Plus they seem to believe everything is centred around them (e.g. on the few occasions I go round they're constantly interrupting adults during conversations to talk to their DM). At their ages I'd happily be playing lego/reading a book/writing a story etc. in my at home time without pestering my mum all the time.

I am only using this as an example but this is exactly the kind of comments that make me laugh at some people.

Mine are exactly the opposite. They have always understood not to expect entertainment at home from us, and no one is feeling guilty because we are out as much as we possibly can.

When we are home, and chores/work/ parent time is needed and wanted, they know to get on with their own things. When they have been out of the house for hours, they are ready to chill with quiet toys or books. Taking them out every day does not mean we are only back home at midnight! Come home at say 6pm on a Sunday is one hour before diner and bath for the youngest, and a good couple of hours or more before bedtime.

Yearly membership to the nearest playpark or petting zoo with playground, kids hour cinema.. none of these are "big thing".

Going out every Saturday and Sunday does not have to mean we are out between 6am and midnight, there are enough hours here and there to enjoy the house.

Totally up to you but I and my son would be bored! I can’t wait to get out of the house. If your kids are happy then that’s good!

There has been a lot of research recently into how the lack of "unstructured play" of modern parenting is damaging children's development.
Keep doing what's right for you. Ignore anyone else's ideas about your children - you know them best.

I'd be more interested in in the research about the link between obesity and children staying home and not exercising enough - I am not being sarcastic, it's a genuine question that would be interesting to see.

Are kids who are out and about all day less or as healthy?

There is a big difference between keeping big days out for the holidays and keeping any trips out for the holidays though?

To me your post read like you don’t tend to go anywhere at the weekends. So no food shopping, no visits to the park or library, no swimming, no walking into town/driving to the nearest town to have a look around the shops, no going to the woods or a NT property for a walk, etc.

We wouldn’t tend to do the zoo, seaside etc at the weekend unless it’s someone’s birthday. We do try and go somewhere though, finances dependant, because 6 weeks to me is a long time to go only bouncing between work and home!

We do rent a fairly boring terraced house though. I might feel differently if I had my dream home with a big garden!

It wouldn't be for me or my dcs. We love being out and about every weekend. We have a great time at home and plenty of time to chill out, but we love getting out and seeing and doing different things. Trips to places that need some travelling time like country parks and the beach, plays and concerts, different soft plays or role play centres. We have no issues with the dcs playing by themselves. It suits our personalities and lifestyle but I wouldn't care about what other families do and each family should do what is right for them.

MIL and SIL need to get back in their kennels. The fact they only whine at you shows that they're less concerned about the children and more with putting you, WoolyGreyOwl in your place: dancing attendance on them.

Since DH is defending you, the minute they start I'd pass them onto him.

And get chickens. Free eggs and all the entertainment you could shake a stick at, but I'm biased.

I’ve read a lot about this. Parents are going overboard trying to provide enriching stimulation by way of toddler music groups, noisy soft play etc and in fact it is deadening their imagination and creativity as they are bombarded with external stimulation rather than generating their own ideas.

The kids appear to be happy so why fix what ain't broke?

Taking young children out on trips is about as stressful as you can get. If OP and family are happy, leave well alone. If she wants criticism she's got MIL and SIL.

I think if op has a garden that’s more than enough movement for little children.

Yes I completely agree.

If it's Balmoral Estate, absolutely.

If it's a bog standard garden, not really.

That’s just weird. Who would kick DIL and GC out the door so they can sit and talk with married DS?

3 yo should be walking! Also sounds boring af

It’s not the biggest garden but enough space to run and play and have a swing and slide ! Also we have a town house so lots of stairs that they are constantly up and down 😂 my 3 y o just gets a little overwhelmed outside by the busy roads and due to hypermobility can get sore legs so it’s safer to have the buggy but he’s getting better with things gradually

I voted YANBU by mistake. I think it’s a bit narrow and limiting to never take the anywhere. Never a day at the beach? A National Trust garden or annual trip to the zoo or to see a kids show at a theatre? Plenty of free stuff to do like parks and libraries, and it’s enriching.

Ansolutely fine for these things to only be a few times a year if expensive, but unless you’ve got a huge house and garden I’d say your children are missing out a bit.

Are there no local country walks to go on or even just different local playgrounds?