To stay at home every weekend ?

[Woolygreyowl]

Is this weird / wrong?

Dc are at nursery / school all week. Each has one extra curricular activity a week. We walk (3 year old still uses buggy) but that’s still plenty of fresh air.

Every weekend we stay at home - the dc have toys / arts and crafts / the garden. It’s time to relax and do things at our own pace. They have a nice time and so do we. MIL has heavily criticised my parenting and SIL (who is a childcare practitioner don’t you know 🙄) thinks I’m affecting their ‘social and emotional development’ (?wtf!) because we are at home every weekend??!

Could this maybe be because you aren’t involved in weekend play dates?

Each to their own re weekend plans but it’s just a shame if the kids end up missing out on social activities because of it.

@rainbow126 when my daughter was younger she would have loved to do "weekend playdates" (when did this stop being called "going round to Sarah's to play"🤔) but everyone was always out and busy busy 😂

We tended to stay at home at weekends and play/do stuff/relax. We had no money to spare for many outings and lived in the back of beyond anyway. They went to school and did "stuff" and played with friends afterwards during the week. There were holidays, visits to and from grandparents and other friends and family. They became well rounded, sociable, creative kids, resourceful and able to think for themselves and amuse themselves. They're now well rounded, sociable, creative adults, resourceful, able to think for themselves and resilient. Not everyone needs to be spoonfed and handheld through life but hey, you do you. I suppose.

Yes - there was an assumption that weekends were family time when I was small, but that didn't mean kids' entertainments. It meant parents would have plans for shopping, visiting relatives, church, appointment TV (remember that!), washing the car, housework. So you didn't assume your friends were free to play - you fitted in until you were a teenager and could manage your own routine.

Sometimes we had extracurriculars but they were easier to schedule during the week. Birthday parties were the only activity scheduled for children. Sometimes we had a big outing on a Sunday, but that was normally around bank holidays or dad's time off. We went to the park and the sea several times a week, since they were nearby. But weekends were family time - and I'd have loved to have them without the trailing around shops etc.

Some extended family feel like family. They can drop in and it's still family time. Others want an occasion. Sounds like your MIL is the second type and I wouldn't compromise on relaxing at weekends for that. If there is some caring to be done, by all means see about your husband doing his share. But that's nothing to do with child development.

Presumably the OP and her family CAN go out if they want to, they're not locking the doors at 5pm on Friday and that's it until Monday morning. If something really fun came up, I'm sure they'd go to it, and as the kids get older, they'll be wanting to go to things and do things.

It only gets weird when you start refusing to do anything outside the home, when it's clear that the rest of the family DOES want to go to the zoo, or to aunty Sheila's barbecue, or to the summer fete in the village. But, that situation hasn't arisen yet, so just deal with it when it comes.

This sounds like my idea of hell but my children also dislike spending much time at home and just fight a lot and make tons of mess. We also don't have a garden. If they played idylling together without loads of conflict and tidied up better then maybe I'd feel the same as you, who knows.

That being said DH and I are both pretty sociable people so I suppose that drives us a little bit too.

DC1 has an extra curricular activity every Saturday afternoon and then one Sunday mornings in term-time. Around that we often visit family or have them visit us, go to the park, maybe go shopping, odd museum or art gallery trip or soft play trip etc. We do have weekends at home though but we all hate them....

I personally couldn't stay in every weekend but we like to go out and my 2 year old needs to get out as it drives us mad staying in and he loves little adventures. But that's us!
If staying in suits you as a family then there's nothing wrong with that.

I need the fresh air more than DS (6yo) but he’s honestly more happy doing arts and crafts at the kitchen table than having big days out. Today, we went to Tesco; that was our trip out. He’s happily helped out with the house work and we are now just chilling.

I agree with your SIL. Your life sounds very small and limited and that will have an effect on your children. You don't say how old your older children are but I do not believe that your lifestyle isn't affecting them. When do your children learn to swim, to ride their bike, to explore and learn about the forest and the beach, to see animals at the farm, to understand etiquette when eating a meal in a restaurant, to see new places?
The only people I have ever met who lived like this had children who struggle to do anything and struggle to integrate into normal life.
You need to stop thinking that your children do a lot, school plus one extra activity is not a lot by any means. Give them time for free play at home but please start showing them the rest of the world

My DC would have driven me up the wall if I’d stayed in all weekend with them when they were small. I had to park one day and soft play the other to stand any chance of getting some peace 😂

The DC obviously go out during the week as they see extended family then.

We didn’t tend to do much at weekends when DC were at nursery as nursery was close to my workplace so had a commute and nursery was quite full on, so weekend was downtime for everyone.

When DC was older we had a dog so had to go out for walks but we weren’t out and about doing vast amount of activities. DC liked being at home

We stay home a lot of weekends, not all but most. DD has 4 long nursery days Tues-Fri and we see family or go out on Monday’s.

We live in a beautiful village with loads of nature and other children to play with next door. Unstructured free play is just what she needs.

I mean I learned all of that and weekends no, we didn't go out as a family as my parents were working
My dad would snatch 30 mins to help with my bike riding, we would have meals out on holiday, swimming was lessons but I was dropped off and left and supervised by someone's else's mum
My parents ran a pub so worked from first thing in the morning to last thing at night, they couldn't take time off to take me out to places

I never remember being bored, a lot of meeting and playing with friends, going into the woods, climbing trees etc from sort of age 6 upwards

We have the odd weekend in if the weather is bad but when the suns out, we like to jump in the car and try somewhere completely different. Today we drove to the coast and had a lovely explore with DS. Tomorrow we’re going away for a few nights - can’t wait for a change of scenery.

We always went out at weekends when the kids were small but each to their own.

Every child is different. My child was in a stroller until 4. She’s now a dancer and walks everywhere.

Single parent 2 DCs. We're the same at the moment although its not intentional just a result of sheer exhaustion from the week. I need one day to rest and another for cleaning, laundry, garden, and general re-set for the week ahead. If we had a three day weekend I would plan an activity day but I just cant keep up the pace 7 days a week. Sad really.

We have to take our 3 year old or he wouldn't sleep at night (honestly). So we go for walks or to the shops or park or swimming sometimes.
We did the same when our now teenagers were younger but my kids all enjoy being outside, playing sports or meeting friends if yours are happy to chill at home (and so are you) then why not?

🙄🙄🙄

No we don’t take her - we pop round to her or she comes to us (only lives a short walk away). We aren’t a taxi service for her lie she thinks / wants and she just wants dh to go alone to take her out for coffee etc and he works hard and then wants to spend time with the dc ! SIL has a teenage dd so is more able to facilitate the demands

I think your small children are missing out.

I’d like to be able to do this some weekends but I am constantly pestered to do stuff.

The thing I find weirder than this is people who go away every weekend, more often than not to theme parks. I know a family that do this with young kids. No idea how they have any sort of routine. Or how they afford it!

Mon - Fri in term time after school - we do actually go out for dinner sometimes my thread title wasn’t ’we don’t ever leave the house ‘! And mon- fri in half terms and holidays we go out . It’s just weekends we like to keep for a ‘re set’ and have some relaxing time just at home

Honestly? It’s not for me. I would understand if it was financially motivated, but I just think it sounds a bit miserable. How old is your other child?

I don’t think it was unreasonable of your MIL to mention it, as it sounds quite unusual and maybe she was worrying a bit. However, it was completely unreasonable of her to blame you for it when it sounds like it is a joint decision that you and your husband are both happy with!

Yes it’s been a bit strange no invites at all ?!!