To stay at home every weekend ?

[Woolygreyowl]

Is this weird / wrong?

Dc are at nursery / school all week. Each has one extra curricular activity a week. We walk (3 year old still uses buggy) but that’s still plenty of fresh air.

Every weekend we stay at home - the dc have toys / arts and crafts / the garden. It’s time to relax and do things at our own pace. They have a nice time and so do we. MIL has heavily criticised my parenting and SIL (who is a childcare practitioner don’t you know 🙄) thinks I’m affecting their ‘social and emotional development’ (?wtf!) because we are at home every weekend??!

Each to their own. When my DC were little we would have weekends when the highlight would be a trip to the playground but there would also be others when we were out and about.

A good mix worked for us - even now I make sure we have 1 weekend a month where nothing is planned so we can catch up with each other.

OP, I think SIL is finding her mother a burden and wants you to pick up the slack. Direct her to your DH each and every time.

Of course it’s perfectly fine! My kids do footie and drama each week (they are older) but they love being at home at the weekends between this. Days are long with brekkie club school and after school club.
They need to relax and unwind!!

I would find it very dull but is up to you. DH grew up like this and he hated it.
I thrive on variety as it makes time somehow slower and life more memorable

Er, no, why? He goes three days a week, what’s the relevance?

Love how so many posters forget that we don’t all live in big spaces with secure gardens, or gardens at all, in my case! We have no option to make use of the common/playground/woods but actually I’m glad we make the effort. We don’t have a lot of money so often go to fetes/church hall craft things/ a trip out on the train somewhere local/ an allotment open day to buy produce/ park run as well as swimming, soft play, city farm, trips to see family (there isn’t anyone local) etc when affordable but yeah, I would think I was doing my son a disservice if all we did was stay in at the weekend. He really thrives on social interaction and new experiences, he is naturally inquisitive and chatty and he gets quality time with me while doing it so everyone is a winner. Maybe it comes down to personality but no, he just wouldn’t enjoy his life as much if weekends were spent at home, all day. We do that when he’s tired or unwell or to chill after doing something out and about.

DH grew up like this and he hated it.

Yeah, I had friends from families like this, and it didn't scar them for life or anything but they are very proactive about doing stuff with their children. They definitely aren't keen to recreate that childhood for their own children.

It's very possible that your child with ASD and hypermobility is benefiting a lot from days when he manages his own pace, physically and socially.

It is good for kids to have family time and down time. Independent play and straightforward socialising are great for them. Sounds like they have plenty of other experiences too. I'd do what you are going as a preference. I'd only change it if you or they were bored.

So you never do anything at all at the weekends?

No parks? No parties? No swimming?

I am a massive fan of giving the kids downtime. I have 3 primary aged DC and they are out the house 8.30am - 6pm x4 days a week. Some days it's earlier / later for at least one DC, so I always make sure we have one day of not doing much at the weekend but we also go out to do the things we can't do at home so every weekend we do some variation of: bike riding, roller skating, scooting, swimming, library, local parks, canal walks, local nature reserve. And of course there are the weekends we have plans - birthday parties, visiting people or having visitors etc.

It depends on your kids, you, your living situation, etc. I don’t see a problem, but I like to be at home and take it easy one day every weekend. Full time work, school and running around all week is exhausting, plus I like my house and want to enjoy being in it occasionally! When I was little we didn’t go on many special outings, and there wasn’t this pressure to be constantly entertaining dc and organising trips out.

The dc mostly play in the garden , we have a small covered area too so even if it’s raining heavily they can play, they have a slide and a swing set , balls , mud kitchen. In the conservatory they have a whole ton of arts and crafts stuff so they have so much to do

Two days a week with familiar people in a familiar environment isn't excessive.

If either is begging you to be allowed to go to friends' birthday parties and you're not allowing that, I'd reconsider. But you sound flexible.

ASD in childhood used to be addressed by encouraging children to mask, but that's exhausting for them.

People can be bright, lovely and inquisitive and still enjoy family time. The children will forge their own pathways as they grow, but parents who love spending time with them, whether at home or out and about, are the best base you can give them.

Ignore your SIL and just make sure your children are happy. They'll let you know if they need a change.

It might just be us as well but we haven’t had an invite to a birthday party in about 2 years !

The question was do you (OH) take her or is it sil....I guess then it's sil. Can she go out herself or need to be taken.

Sounds pretty sad for your eldest the prison of school life every week day then home every weekend.....do they see woodlands and parks....even nursery can be locked in 4 walls which if left can be difficult with ASD as their walls close in and you can't get them out as habit says we don't go.

I can understand not wanting to do much but do you never do anything?? That is strange and not healthy.

You could go to the park, zoo, farm, birthday party, theme park, cinema, theatre, park run, museum, trampoline park, beach etc. You may not want to do a big day out every weekend but you need to do something. It’s fun and good to give your child different experiences.

Sounds perfectly fine.
It makes me laugh really.
Taking kids to an art gallery = important culture.
Having kids stay home and create their own art = oooh that's bad 😂
Seriously.... it's fine. What's the point in having toys, crafts, books and games at home if you are never there to use them?
I haven't left the house today (still in my PJ's 😱) but I certainly haven't been hanging around doing nothing.
I was outside yesterday doing boring chore stuff (school run, food shop etc). Today I wanna be in and build Lego.

OP has made it clear they go out (apart from school and nursery) during the week and during school break.

I don't think there's much point in answering if you ignore that context.

Your world sounds very small and a bit lockdown-y. The stuff you do during the week is all about chores and having to be somewhere; weekends are for fun, not hiding away.

But that’s what she asked.

@Woolygreyowl are two issues being conflated here?

There's a lot of info about the criticism of your lifestyle choices (I think there is nothing wrong with your lifestyle by the way)

But you've kind of glossed over the mil stuff. You haven't answered whether you take her out but said you see her twice during the week. But your week is hectic, which is kind of the point of your thread, so between school/ nursery/ activities/ work/ homework does your mil actually see much of her son and grandkids? Maybe this is more about sil feeling out upon because her weekends involve taking mil whereas her brother chooses not to. Which I'm not saying is right or wrong without knowing more, just wondering if there is more to your sil's issue

It isn't though - the kids are doing extracurricular stuff during the week, and spending time with their dad at the weekend.

We did extracurricular stuff and boring accompanying the adults stuff both on weekdays and at weekends as children. I can't see why weekends can't be free of both if that works for OP.

Sounds mind numbing to me but each to their own. Do you not have your own adult plans at weekends though?

@peakygold can fun not be had at home?

She asked about weekends, but she pointed out that she does extracurricular stuff at other times, and outings. Some people are answering as if she never does these things.

😂

Me too.