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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To break up with him on his birthday?

116 replies

Faceissues · 24/05/2024 01:14

Hi all. I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 months and he has cheated on me with atleast 4 different women in that time. The last time it happened (about 6 weeks ago) he actually rang me from his bedroom to reassure me he was home with just his male friends and they were gonna have a drink and go to bed. His friend then put a story on social media of them all downstairs with women drinking etc. It again turned out he had took someone home and slept with her. He begged, pleaded and swore that he felt awful and he would never do it again. In fairness to him things have been great since then.

Today (friday) is his birthday. He went to the pub with his friends and said he would be going home when it shut. He rang me about half 11 to say he was going out out, to the same club he has met all these women at, with the same friends and I'm just an absolute wreck. I've been crying since I spoke to him and I feel so anxious. He said I need to trust him but I've heard it so many times before I just can't.

We are supposed to be going out with his family this evening for his birthday. WIBU to call it off today? I can't keep feeling like this but it's awful timing.

Thanks

OP posts:
Sushilover14 · 24/05/2024 01:15

Do it - don’t look back.

Domino20 · 24/05/2024 01:16

Fuck him off, right now!

yumyumyumy · 24/05/2024 01:18

Bin the scum!

catsoop · 24/05/2024 01:18

Urgh sack him off. What an absolute cunt

coffy11 · 24/05/2024 01:20

He's cheated on you numerous times and you're worried about breaking it off on his birthday?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 24/05/2024 01:21

Bloody hell, dump the wanker. Who cares about his birthday?

Mmhmmn · 24/05/2024 01:22

Don’t go. (Bad tum, soz not soz!) If you really don’t want to dump him today, do it tomorrow. He’s v. bad for your peace of mind.

TheFoz · 24/05/2024 01:23

After the way he has treated you I wouldn’t even give him the courtesy of ending it. Just block him.

lobsterkiller · 24/05/2024 01:26

I wouldn't care about finishing this on his birthday. Please, just do it. Block and delete. You deserve better and you don't need mumsnet randoms to tell you this.

Take care x

TheLoudLeader · 24/05/2024 01:27

Sorry, read the first line - Bday or not ?! Is this what you are happy with ? Is this what you are looking to defend. Clearly not as you wouldn’t be looking for answers here.

Sorry but if you’re looking for someone to tell you there’s and issue. THERE IS AN ISSUE !

IamGrout · 24/05/2024 01:30

Where's your self respect? Dump him and give yourself a shake.

TimeForTeaAndG · 24/05/2024 01:34

4 women in 10 months is about 1 every 6 weeks...so yeah....I'd say he's on course for yet another one. He's not a boyfriend. He's not even a friend! He's a dickhead who doesn't respect you. So YOU respect you?

Sod his birthday dinner, throw him back in the sea, block him on everything and get on with your life.

EmilyGilmoreenergy · 24/05/2024 01:47

The fact it's his birthday is completely irrelevant to you just as showing you respect and care is irrelevant to him.
Telling you that you need to trust him' is the final insult here.

Raise your bar and end it with dignity, you owe this person nothing.

Codlingmoths · 24/05/2024 01:51

I suppose if your plan is to turn up to his family dinner naked with a new man and proceed to have sex with new man in front of him, then say by the way you have a tiny dick and you’re dumped, happy Birthday, then yes that would be a bit unreasonable. Anything else, totally fine.
except staying with him, or going to the dinner. Neither of those are ok- tell him you’re done and he can find someone else to cheat on, he probably did last night anyway.

Minimili · 24/05/2024 02:32

I don’t think you should dump him.

I think you should buy him a special present, bake him a cake and take him out to celebrate and spend quality time together.
I’m sure you can forgive a few lies and cheating if he’s really sorry you can get past it.

Did you agree with that idea when reading it? I’m guessing not?!

I’m not trying to be sarcastic or inflammatory, sometimes being offered different advice to what we expect makes us realise what we really want to hear.

You deserve better, don’t bother about his birthday, show him the same respect he’s shown you. You will never trust him after this.

Be with someone who puts you first.

I would buy him a “happy birthday ex boyfriend” card, I’m sure you could personalise it on moonpig? Hand it over and walk away.
Please don’t ever let someone treat you like this again.

ChellyT · 24/05/2024 03:15

Faceissues · 24/05/2024 01:14

Hi all. I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 months and he has cheated on me with atleast 4 different women in that time. The last time it happened (about 6 weeks ago) he actually rang me from his bedroom to reassure me he was home with just his male friends and they were gonna have a drink and go to bed. His friend then put a story on social media of them all downstairs with women drinking etc. It again turned out he had took someone home and slept with her. He begged, pleaded and swore that he felt awful and he would never do it again. In fairness to him things have been great since then.

Today (friday) is his birthday. He went to the pub with his friends and said he would be going home when it shut. He rang me about half 11 to say he was going out out, to the same club he has met all these women at, with the same friends and I'm just an absolute wreck. I've been crying since I spoke to him and I feel so anxious. He said I need to trust him but I've heard it so many times before I just can't.

We are supposed to be going out with his family this evening for his birthday. WIBU to call it off today? I can't keep feeling like this but it's awful timing.

Thanks

Bite the bullet and do it... He'll have another birthday next year, Christmas, NY and Easter too

Take care of yourself @Faceissues you deserve so much more 🌸

Newnamehiwhodis · 24/05/2024 05:51

dump him. Who cares if it’s his birthday. He’s treated you very shabbily, and you need to take care of yourself now.
dump him, and look ahead to a better life. Maybe buy yourself a little “birthday gift” to celebrate getting free of this person who lies.

Amx · 24/05/2024 05:54

Doesn't sound like he thinks he's in a relationship anyway. Please ditch him if you've got any sense at all.

KezzaMucklowe · 24/05/2024 05:56

He is an arse hole, he will never change. 10 months in is supposed to be fun and exciting, you're not supposed to be in tears because he cheats on you.
Dump him, take his present back if you can, spend the money on yourself and run like the wind.

Gorgonemilezola · 24/05/2024 06:15

Why didn't you dump him after the first time he cheated?

Just get rid. Every time he cheats and you take him back you're giving him permission to do it again with your blessing. Be thankful you have no ties and bin him off.

B1anche · 24/05/2024 06:16

To be honest, I don't think it is really going to bother him if you dump him or not. He clearly has lots of other options. How exactly are you benefitting from this 'relationship'?

GravyBaby · 24/05/2024 06:47

If he is doing this now during the honeymoon stage imagine what he'll be like in a year or two.
Please don't spare a thought about dumping him on his birthday, it sounds like he won't care.
You can do so much better, and you will.
Do something nice this weekend instead with friends who value you.
Take care

BusyMum47 · 24/05/2024 06:51

@Faceissues

F@ck him - he's disrespected you 4 times - dump his ass - who cares if it's his birthday?!

Why are you even asking? He's taking the pi$$!

Bushwhacked20 · 24/05/2024 07:00

I was going to say what an awful day to choose but after reading the thread if it was me I'd be asking the restaurant if I could leave little cards next to all the dinner plates in advance. I'd add a sentence to the card to tell everyone at that meal why I wasn't there. If I was feeling particularly furious I might just get a few cheap pen drives and add the footage of the partying.

Block his number, return (or preferably sell) anything of value he might have bought you, and either wrap up the rest and leave them for him as an extra special gift, or stick them in a bin bag and leave them somewhere he can't miss. Then walk away and don't look back.

In my twenties I had a twat of a boyfriend who constantly made me cry. An older colleague gave me some advice I never forgot and now I'm an older woman I often pass it on.

If he makes you cry now he will always make you cry.

In time you'll be glad you binned him.

hopscotcher · 24/05/2024 07:07

Yes, finish it straight away. Birthday irrelevant.