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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To break up with him on his birthday?

116 replies

Faceissues · 24/05/2024 01:14

Hi all. I've been with my boyfriend for about 10 months and he has cheated on me with atleast 4 different women in that time. The last time it happened (about 6 weeks ago) he actually rang me from his bedroom to reassure me he was home with just his male friends and they were gonna have a drink and go to bed. His friend then put a story on social media of them all downstairs with women drinking etc. It again turned out he had took someone home and slept with her. He begged, pleaded and swore that he felt awful and he would never do it again. In fairness to him things have been great since then.

Today (friday) is his birthday. He went to the pub with his friends and said he would be going home when it shut. He rang me about half 11 to say he was going out out, to the same club he has met all these women at, with the same friends and I'm just an absolute wreck. I've been crying since I spoke to him and I feel so anxious. He said I need to trust him but I've heard it so many times before I just can't.

We are supposed to be going out with his family this evening for his birthday. WIBU to call it off today? I can't keep feeling like this but it's awful timing.

Thanks

OP posts:
ilikemethewayiam · 24/05/2024 08:34

4 times in 10 months! Jeez, you should’ve ended it after the first time. Of course get rid then go speak to a therapist about why your bar is so low that you allow a nob like him to treat you so poorly!

TheCultureHusks · 24/05/2024 08:40

IN FAIRNESS TO HIM?!

The only possible way you could make this ‘fair’ is if you actually worked in the public records office and had his birth certificate burned so he literally never had a birthday again.

I’m impressed by the sheer brass neck of a shitscrape like this saying you ‘need’ to trust him though! Omg 🤣🤣🤣 REALLY do you want to just explain the logic of that one the. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Allthingspeaches · 24/05/2024 08:42

There is no basis for your trust so don't trust him. You'll thank yourself later. You deserve better.

ThePassageOfTime · 24/05/2024 08:44

Block and delete

WaltzingWaters · 24/05/2024 08:45

Absolutely dump him and block him. If he’s cheated 4 times already then he’s going to carry on doing so. You deserve much better and he deserves to be dumped, birthday or not.

Rickrolypoly · 24/05/2024 08:47

You might think that you are in a relationship with him but he certainly isn't with you. He has had sex with 4 other women (that you know of- I bet there have been more) in your 10 month "relationship". Please have some respect for yourself and walk away. And in future, don't let people treat you like this. He will never change because you are accepting this horrible behaviour from him.
And please get checked for STI's.

JengaCupboard · 24/05/2024 09:04

He cheated on you 4 times in 10 months. Consistently lies.

Absolute scum.

I'd dump him on his birthday on purpose.

However he probably won't care. You need to fuck him off and move on, why on earth would you lower yourself to this.

And get an STD check sharpish!!

Youcannotbeseriousreally · 24/05/2024 09:05

Where on earth is your self respect?? Why are you allowing him to continually shag around??

Jesus.

Dump him and then take a good long look in the mirror and sort out your life please. You deserve so much more than this.

ControlShiftDelete · 24/05/2024 09:11

coffy11 · 24/05/2024 01:20

He's cheated on you numerous times and you're worried about breaking it off on his birthday?

This

ControlShiftDelete · 24/05/2024 09:13

This seems like a wind up thread

Mcvitieschoccybiscuit · 24/05/2024 09:14

Hell would freeze over before I sat with this losers parents being paraded as the ‘lovely girlfriend’ and playing happy families whilst I knew what their wonderful son had been doing. Tell him you’re not going tonight and that actually you don’t wish to see him again. Block him and move on you’ll be a much happier person for taking back control of your own life.

Emmelina · 24/05/2024 09:16

I'd understand if you were just not feeling the relationship anymore and would say to wait a few days, but if he cheated he deserves what he gets whatever day of the year it is. Chuck him, block him, don't look back.

Dery · 24/05/2024 09:16

MoonWoman69 · Today 07:17
10 months and he hasn't been faithful at all? He's clearly a real catch isn't he? Why the hell are you still with him? Surely you can't be that desperate for a man that you'll put up with this shit! Just bin him off and block him right now! You honestly think binning him on his birthday is going to have an impact on him? He won't give a toss by the sound of it! He'll be picking someone else up by the end of the night!
I'd also be making an appointment to get tested for STI's too!
Good luck 🌻”

This with bells on. Plus some counselling/self-help reading to work out why you let him get away with the first 3 infidelities. It’s irrelevant what he says. Look at what he does.

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 24/05/2024 09:18

Honestly, OP, you're not breaking up with him on his birthday because he does not see you as his girlfriend. You're just his most frequent fuck buddy.

andfinallyhereweare · 24/05/2024 09:23

I’d probably message look I know you’re out but this is wrecking my head, I’m full of anxiety because of your past indiscretions. I don’t want to live like this and neither do you. I’m sorry, it’s over.

his reply will tell you everything. If he drops everything and comes to you then maybe give it a shot if not. It’s over.

do you really want to spend every time he’s out in this anxiety?

LookItsMeAgain · 24/05/2024 09:35

Send him a message by text (or voicemail if you really want to annoy him as he'll have to dial in to listen to it), saying something like this:
"Hi Cheater, I'm letting you know that I'm no longer interested in being one of your harem of women. I know you've cheated on me, on numerous occasions and I've had enough. Consider this your birthday present from me - you're free of the constraints of a relationship. It's over. I ended it. Byeeeeee!"

Or similar.

willowtolive · 24/05/2024 09:36

Perfect day to do it.

ManchesterGirl2 · 24/05/2024 09:37

4 women in 10 months! Don't waste another minute on him.

RampantIvy · 24/05/2024 09:40

Gorgonemilezola · 24/05/2024 06:15

Why didn't you dump him after the first time he cheated?

Just get rid. Every time he cheats and you take him back you're giving him permission to do it again with your blessing. Be thankful you have no ties and bin him off.

This ^^
Dump him and get an STI test.

Horsemother · 24/05/2024 09:45

Some of these suggested replies are far too complicated. You owe him nothing. You owe yourself a much, much better relationship with someone nice.
Text - Happy birthday whateverhisnameis (fuckface) don't contact me again. Then block him everywhere and be strong. If you need to, get out of the house so that he can't drop round for some stupid lengthy discussion about realationship. Don't engage in any way.

fairymary87 · 24/05/2024 09:45

Why are you allowing someone to destroy you like this! Bin him!

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 24/05/2024 09:50

@Faceissues 4 times in 10 months??? good grief!! you need to have more respect for yourself. dump him now. it will be better in the long run because he obviously does not know how to treat a woman! @Horsemother Happy birthday whateverhisnameis (fuckface) I would not even deign to call him by his name! Fuckface is exactly what he is so Happy Birthday Fuckface it would be for me!

Saschka · 24/05/2024 09:55

The only reason you are dumping him on his birthday is because he cheated on you on his birthday.

If he didn’t want to ruin the meal there was an easy solution available to him, not to fuck somebody else on his birthday.

Sauvblanctime · 24/05/2024 09:55

Gorgonemilezola · 24/05/2024 06:15

Why didn't you dump him after the first time he cheated?

Just get rid. Every time he cheats and you take him back you're giving him permission to do it again with your blessing. Be thankful you have no ties and bin him off.

This.

i stayed, stayed, stayed… for 21 years. Two kids. Married him. The cheating carried on, the gaslighting, the coercion.. he gave me complex ptsd.

left him march 2021 - he had already met his (now ex gf) and did exactly the same to her

LTB. Today.

FinallyHere · 24/05/2024 10:02

Have a think about why on earth you are giving any consideration to fairness on how you treat this person who has treated you so very, very badly?

What have you learned about the roles of men and women in relationships which means you focus on his needs and wants at the expense of your own ?

Once you have rid yourself of this pathetic excuse for a person, start thinking about why you are allowing yourself to be treated so very badly. Yes it's good to be kind to others rather than selfish but as they say every time an airplane takes off ... see to your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else with theirs.

You are an adult, it's your responsibility to treat yourself well and expect others to do the same. If they don't then they do not deserve your time and attention.

Remember that next someone tries to treat you badly. You won't be able to change them but you can choose whether they get your time and attention. Choose wisely.