Male carer changing daughter’s nappy

[FirstTimeMummyHK]

AIBU to expect the nursery to tell me in advance that a man has now joined the nursery and will be changing my daughter’s nappy? We have been with this nursery for a while and there were only female carers there. The other day I went to pick up my daughter and there was a man sitting in there and I asked the nursery manager quietly
whether he changes my daughter and she said yes he would do. The nursery manager was very grumpy that I mentioned it. I was very nice and
polite to her. I felt that her reaction to my
question was unnecessarily grumpy. I am part of a religion where it’s quite a big deal to separate men and woman although we are not orthodox. I understand that nurseries wish to preserve equality etc and I am
a huge supporter of
men taking on caring roles. However AIBU to expect to be told in advance that a man would be changing my daughter / taking her to the toilet/ wiping her private area??

I have never worked in a nursery so what do I know
But I imagine if it was policy for two staff to change nappies that might cause staffing issues ?

👏

If a child who WAS able to communicate was clearly and consistently requesting a particular member of staff not change them, what are people's thoughts there? Should the nursery accommodate that? Or physically override that child and do it anyway, despite their distress? I would be VERY uncomfortable with that.

Why shouldn't OP have the right to make a choice for her daughter when the baby is unable to?

Please do not listen to the women who are telling you that you’re unreasonable. You are protecting your child. I don’t care if he’s safe or not. Your child, your rules. I would never allow a man other than my daughter’s father to change her happy (and please, spare me the quote insults fellow mumsnetters - I’m not engaging).

Supposed equality is undermining our natural gut instinct. Fine if it’s about you but totally unacceptable when it’s about the child you’ve been entrusted to do your utmost for.

https://amp.abc.net.au/article/102931896

They will do things like change nappies all at the same time so two workers do it together or it’s done with an open door.

So I’m not sure where some people’s paranoia about men seeking out to do this job because they’ll get unsupervised access to babies is coming from. They must never have worked in childcare. You could say the same about a man being a parent in that case! Escpecially as most abuse is by families or friends.

With (I hope) kindness OP, teaching your daughter, via a restrictive religion, that her vagina and body and sexuality are somehow to be prized and protected is toxic and damaging. It’s oppressive, it’s unhealthy and entirely out of place in a modern progressive society.

May I suggest that you look to adapting your family’s own values, before you look to the r nursery to adapt theirs?

Your daughters vulva will be being wiped not her vagina .

https://amp.abc.net.au/article/102931896

WTAF !!!!

It is, unless you're a sexist.

You are being unreasonable.
Do you feel the same way about female carers changing little boys nappies?

A TA is not a teacher.
I don't think you are unusual in your thought pattern there, a couple of families I know whose children need changing into the teens and beyond seem to shift who does the personal care as their son gets older.
As far as the OP is concerned I think the onus is on the parent to say if they have restrictions on who can change the child and the nursery should honor that.
I never sent my child to nursery, exactly because I couldn't personally vet every single member of staff. Our childminder had her husband registered as an assistant but they specifically avoided him doing personal care. Assistants can have sole care, when Mrs Childminder went to the dentist she told us in advance that Mr Childminder would have sole care for a while one afternoon and we could remove our children for the session if we wanted to, looking back I wonder if this was about worries around him changing nappies.

Is that seriously all you have to contribute? Pathetic.

Why do you keep.posting about a nursery worker from Australia ?

I agree with you OP, I would not want my children ( girl or boy) being changed by a male nursery worker, the same as I would not want my elderly mother having personal care from a male carer. Too many sickos out there.

The fact that there are female paedophiles doesn't remove the fact that statistically it is overwhelmingly men that abuse children.

Any decent man would not put themselves in a position of having to provide intimate care to young children, and I would be suspicious of any man who actively seeks this out as a career choice. Anyone who is pretending otherwise is deluded. Decent men know the danger and simply would not put themselves in that position in the first place.

Just because someone had passed a DBS check and had 'training' doesn't mean they aren't a paedophile, it's shocking the amount of people on this thread trotting that line out.

The Dr/Nurse point is irrelevant as they would not be undertaking any intimate care or examinations of my children without me being present.

No need for men to be working in nurseries, don't really care how sexist that is to be honest as children's safety comes before offending anyone who selfishly chooses to persue a career that is at best questionable and will cause parents to feel uncomfortable. Go train as a teacher if your a man who is that desperate to work with children

So there needs to be male help for boy children?

It is not. A quick Google image search of ‘child care worker charged with sexual assault’ will disabuse you of this notion.

Why can a male medical professional see you daughter but not a male care professional?

I think it's appalling to suggest that no decent man should train to work with small children in nurseries.

Exactly. My father never touched us - but his career as a teacher and dorm master came to a grinding halt when he was fired for groping a boy.

Using that logic, does that mean that female nursery workers shouldn’t be changing boys nappies?

this is hardly the ‘gotcha’ you think. Men are also more likely to sexually abuse boys than women.

Still need safeguards lest a Larry Nasser situation emerge

I wouldn’t have it, but then I was abused as a toddler and know first hand the damage it does, so I’d do everything I could to minimise the risk of that happening to my child.

So you're pulling from the most extreme examples?

Google "nursery worker jailed" and the first result is a WOMAN who has been imprisoned for killing a baby in her care.