Do you know what's in your parents' Will(s)?

[YorkshireTrailRunner]

Just that really.
I've spent the past 20+ years begging my folks to make Wills, to which they always retorted 'we don't need to, you're our only child, it will all come to you' - I'm 50, gay (lesbian) childless, for context.
Found out this evening that they have made Wills but they hadn't told me. And that they have left stipulated amounts to charities. My Will leaves everything to them, only goes to charities - including theirs- if they pre-decease me.
It's absolutely their money to do with as they wish, but there's a real chance one or either will need care. AIBU to swallow any discomfort and ask for more disclosure?

i have one living parent left and they have said everything is going 50/50 between me and my full brother.

we have a half brother who we’ve met once but parent hasn’t met but he’s not included. DB and I have agreed that if he contests and wants 1/3 we will go with that.

My parents were very open with me about their wills. My dad died last year and everything went to my mum. Her will leaves 50% of investments and the house to me and my brother and I also get the contents and her jewellery........... she knows I will be the one sorting out everything and that I will share out things. There will be no drama with my brother.
I manage her finances already!

No, but my DM has said her DH had a lifetime interest in their house and I have the impression otherwise equally divided between me and siblings. Assume DF has done similar and hopefully not relying on going via step mum. Either way not really bothered as have sufficient income and assets myself and my plan to retire isn't contingent on any inheritance

I’m a bit confused about your point, how leaving something to charities is connected with needing care?

I know what's in my parents' will. They're very open about it. I have a few items of theirs lined up which are of great sentimental value to me and not my siblings, so I've specifically asked for them.

Dm has not a penny to leave and df's dw will make sure she gets anything he has...

My mother is in her late seventies and I don’t even know if she has a will, let alone what it says.

Yes, they have told us (me & my db). 75% split between us, 25% split between the grandchildren.

Yep and it's been very hurtful.

"D"B has been massively advantaged financially by them for decades and him and his DC will continue to be.

🙄

Needless to say I'll not be stepping forward to assist in helping care for them etc especially as they all moved together about 350 miles away...

Yes I do and they know what’s in mine; experience has taught me that it’s best to be open about these things

Its basic life admin 🤷‍♀️

I'm assuming that the OP is worried that the money left to charities might be needed to pay for care for the remaining parent.

My parents have tried to tell me several times. I've told them I actually don't care what's in them, I'll find out when I need to. I think my mum gave me a card with the details of where hers is kept, my dad I have no idea where his is.

I have a feeling as they both remarried that it's being split around all of the kids from both sides. As I say I couldn't care less, if there is something then bonus but I'm not actively just sitting here waiting for either of them to die to get my hands on it.

My parents are both away now, but we always knew it was 50/50 between me and my sister

It's that they have stipulated the charities' benefits at point of - for want of a better noun - death, which as I (albeit, almost clueless interpretation) think means that this will be taken out of the sum.

My mum has given me and my sister a copy of her will each. I think she found probate for my dad a few years ago tedious admin so wanted to make sure it's as easy as possible for us.

Yes. There's also the fact that if they've specified a percentage rather than an actual sum, this can hold up the distribution of assets - the charities can demand that absolutely everything is valued.

My mum and dad had mirror wills with everything being left to one another and then to me. Mum showed me where the wills were...

By the time I had to look, Mum had dementia. I found an empty envelope marked "Wills". In the end, I found them in a biscuit tin.

yes I have just had a series of meetings with mine about their wills. I am an only child and we have discussed their LPAs as well and what they want in terms of DNR orders; staying in their homes for as long as possible etc.

Based on that I assume there will be nothing left. Whatever is though is divided between my 2 Dcs- with the portion for DS1 held in trust as he is disabled.

They found the whole process very confronting and distressing (although they initiated it). In a previous career I worked in the probate department of a law firm so I am more matter of fact.

After the decisions were made they had to take a bit of time to just absorb it all.

Yes. My mother and stepdad have mirror wills and I am executor so saw them when my mother died a couple of years ago

I have made a Will but have NO intention whatsoever, of telling anyone but my DH what's in it. I hate the way that people assume that they're entitled to anything you have, and some even seem to rely on it. I always knew that my parents had nothing to leave, and feel that I was happier for not having any expectations, whereas my DH often used to say 'When DM goes (she was the last living parent), I'll be in for a decent amount'. I used to hate that he assumed that, as apart from anything else it is NEVER guaranteed, parents could decide to leave it all to charity, may have debts that you're unaware of, have to spend it on a care home, or nursing fees, etc. It just seems to me, that in some situations, people just don't see the need to work hard for themselves, as they 'know', they'll be in for a big payout on the death of their parents.

I assume that there are bequests to charities close to their hearts, something to my niece, with the main body (if there's anything left after care costs of course) is split half and half with my sibling. Probably. They'd probably show me if I asked. But it seems rude to. I would obviously prefer them alive to receiving some money. And I certainly wouldn't resent them leaving some to causes they care about. They're people, not just my parents.

Yes, 50/50 to me and my sibling. However in a weird and probably doomed to failure attempt to avoid IH, it looks as though the will leaves everything ‘in trust’. It seems oddly written and was done years ago by a dodgy, now defunct firm of solicitors miles away from where they live. I’ve begged my mother to get advice on a standard will because a. I disagree strongly with attempting to avoid IH and b. it looks like it could potentially be a nightmare to unwravel.
To be honest, I’d far anything that would go to me be to my children instead.

It won’t necessarily mean you inherit less and could simplify the admin after.
If they’re leaving 10% or more to charity it reduces the inheritance tax payable. And more importantly simplifies the probate form- you won’t have to calculate the value of their assets- right down to value of the contents of their freezer. I assume you’re executor?
But now you know you need to know exactly what’s in the will- you feel unappreciated and resentful. Imagine how awful it would be to have this sullying your relationship only to discover once they die it was to your advantage.

I haven't seen the will but I have had a copy in a brown envelope for over 20 years.