Do you know what's in your parents' Will(s)?

[YorkshireTrailRunner]

Just that really.
I've spent the past 20+ years begging my folks to make Wills, to which they always retorted 'we don't need to, you're our only child, it will all come to you' - I'm 50, gay (lesbian) childless, for context.
Found out this evening that they have made Wills but they hadn't told me. And that they have left stipulated amounts to charities. My Will leaves everything to them, only goes to charities - including theirs- if they pre-decease me.
It's absolutely their money to do with as they wish, but there's a real chance one or either will need care. AIBU to swallow any discomfort and ask for more disclosure?

Yes. My mum has left a specified amount to each of her grandchildren and the rest split three ways between me and my siblings.

I don't know amounts as obviously they don't know exactly what they'll be left with, but I know the division of assets. Care could be needed for a very long time though.

Just my Dad left now and he’s 91, he and my Mom had mirror wills .
I know that his estate is split three ways with me and my sister getting a third each and the final third will be split between my two sons, my sister doesn’t have children and I’m not sure I feel entirely comfortable with whether that’s fair.

Obviously that could be hugely helpful to my sons, both in their 20s. However while one is already paying a mortgage the other still lives at home and should he inherit a large sum of money in the next few years (which is highly likely with a 91 year old grandfather) I can see it being squandered on a camper van, holidays and clothes when it’s intended to help with a house purchase (although this isn’t stipulated in the will).

I've known for years. It's good to know it's all sorted. My parents wills left everything equally between me and my siblings despite the fact one sibling is obnoxious and I do and will continue to do all the 'caring' etc. I encouraged my parents to leave everything equally. It's the right thing to do.

My parents are deceased and I was executor for both. I had copies of their wills and knew where they kept the originals. They were always upfront that everything was left to each other and then split equally between their 4 DC. We talked about it in advance and I know that my DM had been upset about her DB being favoured in her DPs wills. When splitting their possessions we agreed a rule that if we had gifted the item to my DP, we got first dibs, and my DBs agreed I would take my DMs (inexpensive) jewellery as I wear it. We also agreed and made a small number of gifts to others on my DP behalf.

Our children are only teens but know what is in our wills (left to each other/split equally between DC/who guardians are etc). And our executors know this too and where the originals are stored (with a service). We've even paid for support for the executors to manage the process in advance, and update every year a list of accounts held etc which is stored alongside the will.

I also have copies of my siblings and DUs wills as I am executor for those too. Everything is left as per intestate rules, split equally. What I or my DC inherit is dependent on who and what is left at the time they pass - I also have access to spreadsheets which set out details of their assets, but don't check those out of privacy.

I believe that everyone should make their own decisions about where to leave their assets, but that it is much simpler all round to discuss in advance. It avoids any upset. And practically sharing information makes the thankless task of being an executor much easier.

I've always known that it stipulates everything to be divided 50/50 between me and my sister.

My parents would quite simply never have considered doing it any other way and drummed this into us.

Nope, and I doubt they'd tell me...

Leaving fixed amounts is potentially dangerous, as it could be the charities end up with everything and there is zero residual.
Better would be something like '£100k or 10% whichever is smaller' or something.

Yes and I have copies of both, I’m also the executrix.

Yes i know what is in my mum's, though we eventually had to invoke our LPA to see that she hadnt altered it and it remained exactly as ut had alwats been (a sibling asked not to inherit directly and she told them shed changed it, but she hadn't. When my dad died we were just delighted not to inherit his debts.

Based on things I've heard from others (not personally) I would NEVER leave money to charity in a will. The main problem is leaving percentages, but even then, I agree that you simply can't know what your situation or your families' situation will be years or decades ahead. (Also since I work with older people, I see the shitty daytime TV 'help us save this kitten' charity ads far too much and I've come to dislike most of the sector. But that's just me).

I have a will and also a Letter of Wishes to my executors which includes my funeral preferences and preferred charity for funeral donations to go to. They could always request a major donation in a letter like that, but allowing their executors to take a view on the priorities at the time.

You and your brother are good people.

Neither of my parents had wills, but they also had nothing to leave other than the odd personal item

My grandmother left a will, yes i knew exactly what it said, i was the only beneficiary and also the executor, she kept me updated every time she changed it (to write people out) at the time i didnt like it, i am literally now dealing with everything and i now understand why she kept updating me, i hate that we needed to have those conversations but they were necessary

Yes, there's a copy in my safe. Mirror wills to each other, then everything to me as I'm an only child. If I pre decease them, then everything split evenly between my children.

They're comfortably well off, but I'm not assuming anything as one or both might need care at some point.

Only FIL left now. He's made a will leaving everything 50/50 between his son (my dh, married to me with 2 sons) and daughter (married with 2 daughters). However, if one of them has died then the other gets everything, nothing goes to their surviving spouse or their children (FILs grandchildren). I wouldn't mind but all his property, money etc came from late MIL as he hardly ever worked a day in his life. He now relies heavily on only me for day to day care, as his daughter and her family live far away, I'm the first person he phones when he needs help, which is frequently. Also, my dh is in very poor health which everyone in the family knows about and FIL will probably outlive him. Maybe I'm awful but it hurt me to think why couldn't he have made his will so that if one of his adult children die, then their spouse and children inherit their share. It makes me feel a bit resentful that I run around after him, help him on a daily basis, but he obviously doesn't view me as his family and doesn't care what happens to me and his grandchildren if dh passes away first. I'm good enough to look after him but not good enough to inherit any of his money. It makes me sound like a terrible person but I've actually thought, if anything happens to dh, I'll just have nothing more to do with FIL and he can pay for a carer.

50/50 with my sibling.

Yes but I expect if my father dies first the will will be changed and I won't be included. I'm definitely not factoring an inheritance into my future plans that's for sure.

That's extremely unpleasant EmmaPeele. I agree about finding out who regards you as family and who doesn't. Having said that I've just realised that my own will diverts to other people if ds dies before me. He's only 20 so has no serious partner yet but I must alter my will as and when there's a commitment or children involved. My FIL's will has made 3 trusts for his three children and their families so it's possible to do it (though after care costs I'm expecting enough to buy a drink to remember him by tbh).

My dad is leaving everything to his younger wife. Nothing to his three kids.
My mum hasn’t made a will but is also remarried. She stands to inherit a significant sum from my 91 year old nan one day and I doubt we’ll see any of it. Even if my mum outlived her husband they’ll probably both need care as they are approaching mid-late 60s with low level health complaints and are obese. This will sound awful but there won’t be a cat in hell’s chance of me getting involved in their care.

i try not to let it bother me but it does. I am doing everything to make sure I provide for my kids during and after my lifetime. Not being like my parents has been the driving motivation for every action I have taken in my adult life. I hope that my kids feel my love and support to the end of my days and beyond, and will know that they were my priority always.

DF died a few years ago and left everything to DM. DM has been quite open about her will, partly to pre-empt any suprises.

The estate is to be split evenly between me and my siblings, except for one small flat where a sibling lives. That sibling will inherit the property they live in. The reason for this is the rest of us have stable housing. DM wants to be sure that DSib has stable housing for life. That's fine with me. If the property was to be sold and proceeds split it wouldn't come to much each anyway.

She's also stipulated who is to inherit significant pieces of jewellery.

Not sure about MIL as I don't think it's my place to ask. I hope it's 50/50 between DH and SIL. She's already said she will not decide who gets some very important sentimental pieces and that DH and SIL will have to work that out between them after she's gone.

Yes. Mum gave me a copy.

Mine have/had mirror wills, leaving everything to me and my brother 50/50. My mum recently sold the family home and downsized-zero pressure from us, we were a bit amazed, never thought she’d move. She has a healthy slush fund should she need anything, including care. We don’t want or need her money, it’s hers to dispose of as she wants.

Yes. It all goes to my sister as she has care needs which have meant she hasn't had opportunity to gain independence or financial security for herself. I'm executor and they said I can contest if I want. I won't. Its their assets to do as they please and my DSis didn't choose to have a limiting condition. The peace of mind this gives them is more important than any inheritance

My dad hasn’t done a will he owns a house which I grew up in it’s being rented out and I house with his women . She’s got 3 children for a previous marriage and I think it’s there’s a will on that house it will be split in half between both sides so 50/50 . But if one dies the other won’t be made to leave it will only be done after both have gone. Where as the rented house was my dad’s from the marriage with me my mum he brought her out when she left . There’s no will he says that his woman knows it’s mine but she could be difficult there not married but still
My mum owns a flat and is selling up now .
Sal

My parents are 80+ years old.

I have no idea if my dad has a Will or what is in it if he does.

I have no idea whether my stepmum has a Will or what is in it if she does.

I have no idea whether my stepdad has a Will or what is in it if he does.

I know my mum doesn't have a Will because she doesn't want to discuss divisions with my stepdad. So she's relying on outliving him and making one then!

I am not relying on any inheritance from any of them. When they die there are cast-iron rules that will dictate what happens whether there is a Will or not, so I'll follow those rules at that time (or not be involved at all, depending on the person and circumstances).

I would never ask any of them what is in (or whether they have) their Will. I would hope that whatever they decide won't cause upset between any survivors, but there's no point worrying about that until it happens in any case! I'd rather keep my lovely relationships with siblings/step siblings now, and if Wills damage those relationships later then at least we have had these years now.

Dont underestimate the work involved in being an executor. It’s an honour but I get the sense that some parents are naming one as some sort of compensation when the will is not even. And you can always say ‘lovely, mum’ and then get someone else to do it rather than suggest the will be redrafted.