To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

It’s also maintaining the gender pay gap, which means men are still being paid more for the same work..

which means women are paid less, so they are “naturally” the ones who give up work. And so women are paid less…

round we go in circles…

Yes. I often mention the gender pay gap here as an issue for society. But so many women don’t care, never mind men. So here we are.

This is a really good point.

There are SO many more interesting things she could do - volunteering

She works in a school. How come this is a waste of time, but volunteering to go read to kids, or help at school bake sale, that would be interesting and rewarding?
I find all the volunteerig talk quite puzzling - it is working, but that is fine, because you're not getting paid. Do exactly the same but also contribute to family finances, and you're suddenly materialistic and prefer posessions over spending time with your children.
(Materialistic is not a neutral word, it's literally defined as excessively concerned with material things over intellecual or spiritual ones).

I find this quite confusing ? Are you saying only women that don't work have nothing better to do only do volunteer work? As an army wife ( i did work) We did quite a bit on war'n torn areas as well . As husbands who were re building ( giving their time for educational purposes as well) . We were collecting clothes ,glasses , shoes ,paper , pencils all the sorts off stuff we could get together on a budget . We weren't wealthy people just people who did what they could .

No that's not what I meant.
In this particular case, one poster said that a wife of a wealthy man is not a SAHM, but works at a school. So she is already doing something quite valuable for the society.

Another poster suggested that she could volunteer instead. When SAHMs on similar threads describe what they do in a day, volunteering and helping out at school features heavily.

So it was basically suggested that instead of working as a teacher, it would be somehow better, if the woman in question would quit, and do the same thing for free instead?

Seriously what married woman (especially one with children,) would choose to do some shitty dead end job working for 'the man' for a pittance, when you have a financially well-off man who is happy to support you, whilst you raise the children and look after the family home?!

Funnily enough, lots of them in the 80s. DM was one. Working a “shitty dead end job” (incidentally that’s an incredibly rude description) got her out of the house, gave her a social outlet, used her brain (she was a social services payments clerk). It gave her self confidence.

Even when DH died and she had a large life insurance payout and widow’s pension, so absolutely no need to work for the money, she stayed in that job because she enjoyed working.

Out of interest, have you had a prolonged time out of the workforce (decades) or are you just imagining what it would be like? It isn’t as much fun as you might imagine.

More interesting to who? Maybe she actually finds her work interesting.

I'd rather do my job than be gardening or decorating, I find that stuff boring as heck. All my friends work too, so if I had no job I'd be alone a lot of the time in the day which I don't enjoy.

And most of the other stuff listed you can do while working as well, I work full time and also exercise/meet friends/am learning a language. Doesn't have to be one or the other.

Interesting in your opinion.

as pp have said why should she give up her paid work in a school to volunteer? Maybe even though her dh is rich he holds the purse strings and she likes having her own money? Maybe the marriage isn’t that great and/or she’s sensible enough to know she may need to find herself at some point? If it’s family money it may go to other family and not her if he dies.

i hate gardening. I would rather work and pay someone else. Same with decorating. I have no desire to learn anything any more- having spent 8 years at uni doing higher qualifications I’ve had enough of learning. I’d rather use that knowledge to earn money.

exercise I’ll grant you. But I do that anyway, and if I gave up work it would be harder as my main exercise is the cycle commute.

what’s the point in finding random stuff to fill time when she already has paid employment she seems to enjoy?

what’s the point in finding random stuff to fill time when she already has paid employment she seems to enjoy?

The 'interesting things to do' were in response to her 'ironing his underpants'!!

The post implied that she only went to work as she didn't want to be stuck at home ironing his underpants.

And my response was that there are far more interesting and useful things she could do instead!

Maybe even though her dh is rich he holds the purse strings and she likes having her own money? Maybe the marriage isn’t that great

Obviously in that case, she needs to look out for herself - given that he wants his underpants ironed, he sounds pretty bad! She probably shouldn't remain married to him.

The volunteering crowd don't realise that it's only another way to justify not contributing financially and pay your own way. Spending many hours at home while kids are at school with some sort of justification.

It's fine if you are wealthy and you live off an inheritance, but not when someone else is slaving away for another adult doing fuck all.

Also in my view volunteering is an excuse to spend money. Gardening means trips to the gardening centre, buying plants and tools, maybe meeting a friend, maybe having a cofee and a lunch. Which is fine as a hobby, but again, you are an adult indulging and spending money you don't make.

Its the complete infantilisation of women.

She does do a number of those things as well, including a learning language. She enjoys her job and finds it worthwhile, but it's also about having dignity and independence. She doesn't want to be sat at home relying on her husband's pay check. She wants to be an equal and have her own career.

I get that some women need to stay at home for a few years when their kids are young because they can't afford childcare, but there's a difference between that, and people who marry for money so that they can have a 'life of luxury' and don't have to work.

I quote: 'Seriously, stay at home mums have got it made! And they know it'

I ain't saying she's a gold digger....

And let's not forget @Littlelillies these women aren't supposed to be going out and pursuing hobbies. According to several posters on here, they are at home doing critically important work, and their husbands couldn't possibly survive or climb the career ladder without them.

The volunteering crowd don't realise that it's only another way to justify not contributing financially and pay your own way.

It's sad that unpaid volunteers are regarded in such low regard.

The volunteering crowd don't realise that it's only another way to justify not contributing financially and pay your own way.

😂

How do charities run then? OAP’s who listen to school kids read? PTA?
School governors, pet rescue homes?

Because this are not ever going to be paid jobs. Imagine if they were how much better the economy would be?

You do realise that some of us volunteer and have full time jobs?

Invariably those criticising are quite happy to take their kids to guiding/scouts, quite happy to have their kids given extra help at school, quite happy to use kids swim courses supplied by the RNLI/coastguards. Quite happy to be rescued in an emergency by the emergency services. Quite happy for their children to use youth clubs or get counselling at school. The same people like to virtue signal on social media about food banks etc.
All volunteers.
Some people are so disgustingly selfish and so horribly keen to punch downwards.

@EmpressaurusOfCats I'm sorry are some people here suggesting here that only rich people can and do volunteer work now ? Do some people rich or poor really think that ? That only rich people would bother to do that ? Or that only poor would do that ? This is fucked up , are we suggesting that rich people are so fucked up they don't give a shit ?

In my experience it's people who have the least who give the most.

Well is it true that those that have the most time/money give the least ? that is seriously fucked up and I would definitely judge .

That is exactly my point.
I have a full time job and volunteer at one of my kids' sporting clubs.
Volunteering in something you like/ find fulling is good and also a great thing for the community. But it's not an excuse to have someone supporting you financially for life.

Paid work is not about what we like or enjoy. It's about responsibility. They are very different things.

I NEVER criticised people for valuing material objects over time with their children, I simply pointed out that some people prefer to go without luxuries in order to spend more time with their children and some do not. Must I repeat this AGAIN?

I’m childfree by choice & lucky enough to love my job (mostly), but surely the glaring flaw in this argument is that there’s a huge difference between ‘going without luxuries’ and not having enough coming in to pay the basic bills?

A woman might be absolutely desperate to be at home with the kids, but have to have a job because the bills don’t get paid otherwise.

@Missola not picking on you, just scrolling down and your post leapt out at me

If your set up suits you, that's great. And I don't expect you to change your lifestyle for other people's sake

But I do feel the "man with a big job and SAHM" model perpetuates inequality between sexes. When all men are collecting their children from school, they'll stop eg fixing meetings for 4pm and raising an eyebrow when some female colleagues can't stay to the end.