To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

The effects if one person decides that they don't want to do their part any more not the same though. I have had a SAHP parent at home. Of course it was convenient and made my life easier from that perspective. But we managed just fine when he went back to work. I would have managed if he walked out as well - would need a live in nanny if kids still small, and have less free time, sure, but we would have managed.
If I as the income earner had decided one day that thanks, I don't want to pay any more and you and kids are on your own - this would probably be a little bit more challenging.

A cock and balls, perchance?

I am frankly speechless reading this.
You might think working women look at so called SAHM with envy but I can assure I don't. Never did. We could be living on my husbands salary and I would be horrified with that dependency. The same as I don't want a man at home full time while I'm working and providing for him. It's too much pressure.

When I married my husband he earned 3x what I earned. Now he earns only slightly more than me and I love that. He supported me in my career as I did with his.
I feel capable and independent. I am with him because I love him. But I don't need him for my lifestyle. If I was a man I would like someone who loves me for who I am, not as a lifestyle provider.

When I see women with children in secondary school and still doing the housewife thing the last thing I feel is jealously. I feel sorry for them. First of all because they seem a bit lost. And most of all because when things go titts up (as I witness many times) they don't even know where to start.

And do you think that this will ever change in a way that’s equal and beneficial for the majority of women and men, while there are people who are happy to continue with one breadwinner and one unpaid facilitator, who just happen to fit into traditional gendered roles 95% of the time?

I get that the answer to this is that you don’t care because it’s right for your little family. But some of us do. Some of us want the world to work better for everyone.

Exactly how I feel.

I earn more than my husband, of course pp doesn't seem to think any woman who says that on here is telling the truth. 🙄

I think that we should have house prices/rents that are based on only one income. Then it's up to you whether one or both members of the household work. That would remove some of today's strain and people would have more time to be more community minded which would have benefits in all sorts of ways. Call me Pollyanna but I think one income housing is the answer to lots of current problems.

Pollyanna? Deluded more like

I'd like to be rich enough to not have to work, but I wouldn't ever want to be financially reliant on a man.

I can't think of anything sadder than being trapped in a bad relationship that you can't leave because of money.

So many men seem lovely, then turn abusive behind closed doors. The only thing you can do to protect yourself is to stay an equal, so you can run if you need to.

No one starts a relationship expecting to be mistreated. It can happen to anyone.

Yep. We only discovered on fil’s death the extent of his abuse. There’s no way mil could have left, she had no access to money.

she was so happy when he died.

we honestly had no idea. We knew the marriage wasn’t great, but he kept it so well hidden.

The only thing you can do to protect yourself is to stay an equal, so you can run if you need to.

Yes, it's absolutely important to protect yourself and ensure you've got your own assets and equal access to any properties, investments or pensions. BUT that does not mean you have to go to work and earn a salary!

Starting again is a lot easier when you are capable of generating your own income.

Pensions only help you if you live long enough to access them. Properties and investments may not be immediately accessible or give a guaranteed income.

The best protection is a career.

Everyone is materialistic, just at varying degrees. Unless you live in a shack and own no material possessions you are too.

There you go again... Are you purposely twisting my words or genuinely thinking you have read something you haven't. You are having a debate with your own unfounded conclusions at this point.

I NEVER criticised people for valuing material objects over time with their children, I simply pointed out that some people prefer to go without luxuries in order to spend more time with their children and some do not. Must I repeat this AGAIN?

At what point have I suggested I am better than anyone else?! Another ridiculous statement with no basis. Looks like your insecurities are peeking through.

I’m in a partnership that means I don’t compel or impose upon my dp to be a work donkey with the burden and stress of being sole wage earner so I can faff about at home listing tasks & doing chores

To be materialistic is to be concerned with material goods above and beyond what is reasonable; that's a subjective judgement to a great extent, but I think you'd be hard pushed to find someone who thinks it's materialistic to want to live in a habitable home and own anything at all. It's pretty obvious that you don't really, you're just trying to backpedal. The person who is twisting words constantly is you.

With a few rare exceptions like J K Rowling, anyone on a salary like £200k is materialistic because you almost always have to be; it's not generally money you make through care and creativity. And that's OK. People are allowed to like stuff and the things money can buy. You acknowledged that your husband is money driven (obviously) and enjoys doing the things that make successful business deals. Good for him.

What's not so good is you then making clearly critical comments about people who value "materialism over time with children", because if that is true, it must apply to your husband, and yet you've no criticism at all when a man is doing it so you don't have to. That's problematic. The very clear difference in approach and tone between fathers who work and mothers who work was noticeable too.

And it's also problematic that it is impossible for you to accept that your worldview can be criticised and anyone who does must just be <insert lazy catch-all insult here>. And it was actually a very gentle criticism, you know. "Careful what you say about materialism when you live on 200k"....so very unreasonable?

Seriously, the Stay-At-Home-Mums have got it made! And they know it.

Wowzers! Certainly sounds like you married for money at least!

Seriously what married woman (especially one with children,) would choose to do some shitty dead end job working for 'the man' for a pittance,

I assume that you are describing your own experience in the workplace here. Look, I know it may be difficult to comprehend, but there are plenty of educated, intelligent women in the workplace who earn very good salaries and don't need a man to provide for them. All the women I know are educated, intelligent, have interesting careers and couldn't wait to get back to work after maternity leave.

Or doesn't earn enough to look after them, the home, and the children!
My cousin is married to an extremely wealthy man (millionaire). She still gets up and goes out to work in a school everyday. She certainly doesn't want to stay at home ironing his underpants.

Given your long, angry, rants on here, it seems like you are the one who angry and bitter about something. You seem awfully desperate to defend your lifestyle. Something missing perhaps? Or are you worried about 'hubby' going off the secretary?

I think people forget the pressure on the breadwinner too.

I had some bad luck with my health and my career for a couple of years and ended up in a very low paid part-time role because it was all I could cope with at that time. My husband ended up trapped in a job he hated and was being horrendously bullied in, but I couldn't exactly encourage him to quit because we were both depending on his wage financially.

We managed to make am extremely complicated plan which involved us moving to a much cheaper part of the country and managing to secure a mortgage by him pretending he was planning to stay in his current role whilst actually resigning (4 month notice period and only 3 set dates he could resign on each year) and looking for another job (which he knew was going to be a huge pay cut) and I moved into the new house alone with my daughter and only saw him on weekends. It was the most stressful thing I've ever done to be honest.

Shortly after, I got a promotion and then another promotion and now we're both very happy in our new roles and I earn more than him, but it was awful for both of us.

I'm a pretty lazy person tbh and have always been happy to be financially dependent on my parents (don't worry, they have more than enough).

Practically speaking, I just don't get how you'd stake it all on a man (or woman) as your main/only source of livelihood though. Even if he's a good man, feelings change, or people get sick or die, etc!

@MrsSunshine2b glad you got it sorted!

I do think this is a big factor to be aware of. I once worked with a guy who was very bitter at having to be the only breadwinner, kept asking his wife to go back to work and she wouldn't, I don't know if they are still together but I would be surprised.

(DH adores his job, has very high job security, and could easily get an equivalent job if he fell out with his current employer but I often think we are quite lucky in this regard).

I recently played the lead role in a play called "Home, I'm Darling," which is about the strain that this can put on a relationship. A lot of amateur companies are doing it right now, I'd recommend to keep an eye out for it as it's well worth a watch!

Why did the husband have to continue working while the wife didn't?

Probably for the same reason the men work on the bins and sewage and the women don't.

Yeah, women shouldn't have to work

I think this is a pretty old fashioned view of the world. Certainly the older execs at my work went he full time with a stay at home partner (at least when their kids were younger) including the female execs.
But the younger ones are much more likely to go part time - including the males - as both partners seem to want to have balance in working and child care. Unfortunately it did seem to take until men started going part time after they had children for part time work to stop being barrier to promotion though. Hopefully as we raise both our male and female children to value contributing to society via their careers and in raising children things will continue to become more equal.

You do know that all jobs aren’t like the ones you describe with the corporate ladder cliches?! Have you been out of the workforce so long you don’t know that other kinds of rewarding jobs exist?!

I do find it depressing that so many women here are happily giving their sons and daughters the message (directly or indirectly) that men should work and women should stay at home with the kids. I feel it’s unravelling the work that schools and many of us women are doing to push that stereotype.

My cousin is married to an extremely wealthy man (millionaire). She still gets up and goes out to work in a school everyday. She certainly doesn't want to stay at home ironing his underpants.

Ironing his underpants .

There are SO many more interesting things she could do - volunteering, gardening, learning a new language/musical instrument/skill, pursue hobbies, meet friends, exercise, redecorate a room etc