To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

I took a year off to travel.

And I definitely enjoyed not working much more than working.

It's not so much the work I hate.

It's the feeling of being trapped. Being at the same place for 8 hours a day, five days a week. I can't really leave my desk. I had no time to do anything.

When I didn't work for the year, i had so much time to do things. I read so many books. I went to so many groups. It was great.
Freedom!

Of course I needed money so I had to go back to work.

But lots of women have children and go back to work.

I'm not saying you're wrong, I'm just saying that

You having children, doesn't mean that you are entitled to live off his money. Lots of women go back to work after having children

House prices are not based on any salary. They are based on supply and demand. You are welcome to buy a house you can afford with one salary, and if that means you need to look further away or compromise on size or features, that's what it is

If I was born in another century I would marry for money

You can marry for money this century as well, what's the problem?

I honestly couldn't think of much worse than relying on a man for money, I've worked very hard to make sure i have a good life.

My parents worked full time and their parents worked full time. i don't feel i missed out on anything at all with my mum not being a SAHP. If she had stayed at home,, we wouldn't have been able to do all the holidays, having ponies and competing and have the best memories and friends from all that.

That isn't an anti-feminist opinion. Feminism is all about having the choice, and if your choice is to stay at home to cook and clean, then I as a feminist love that for you and fully support it.

This is true, but prices are getting so far away from salaries - including rental costs - that I think action does need to be taken, because housing isn't a luxury and something so essential shouldn't become the preserve of the wealthy. And you can't always just move somewhere cheaper if your work or life commitments don't allow it.

I agree with you even though I'm in a good career. I was a SAHM for a while when dc were young with full agreement of ex H and I absolutely loved it but it led to the breakdown of my marriage because I became a non person to ex H with no identity or value, even though we had no money worries. With hindsight I think he saw me as a trophy wife because of my profession.

So I think it only works if your DP values what you do.

Tbf, a couple are entitled to do whatever they want (as long as we're not talking Fred West/Myra Hindley type of stuff).

The decline of the ''housewife'' isn't because of feminism, its because of rising costs that mean both parents often must work - if your financial situation allows you then its still entirely possible and acceptable to be a SAHM

Being a stay at home mum is nice in theory.

But it feels to me like it could also be very dangerous.

Like If the man decides to leave me, I would now have years of zero work experience, so it would be very hard to get back into a good job, and I'd also now have children.

I was just reading kris Jenner's book randomly. And she was a prime example of this.

She married Robert kardashian, who was a wealthy lawyer. They had four kids and she was a stay at home mom. She lived a great life in a mansion. She didn't work. Robert kardashian gave her all her money.

Then all of a sudden they broke up.

He then blocked her credit card. He blocked her grocery card. She said she then lived in a flat with four children by herself, and she couldn't afford to buy food.

She had to get loans of money off her friends.

I guess in that case he is not ‘entitled’ to my children….

In our house, it’s not his money, it’s family money.

It's a century or more of industrialisation, world wars, women's liberation, equal pay, and liberal social values wot done it.

Whilst doubtless having a big upside for women, it's bought us to a point where we need two working adults in the vast majority of households.

I’m not in insecure nor low paid work (not a ‘high earner’ but above the average UK wage), but there’s definitely more than a grain of truth in it for us.

DH absolutely does more than what’s given in your example, and it’s me that tends to get both lie ins at weekend, but certainly a fair amount of this rings true.

For me, the compressed hours things sometimes feels like the best of all worlds - I get to be the one to take my daughter to nursery (school nursery so I work 9-3) and pick her up, I have quality time with her every day, my work is so flexible, that means I can come to the nativity and volunteer for the school trip, yay! I work from home so can stick a wash on and run a cloth over the bathroom, hurrah.

Other days it’s like ‘I have to do the school run in the pissing rain, twice a day every sodding day, hurry up we’re late and mummy still has to get home in time to brush her hair and change her top before logging on to her meeting, crap it’s library day where’s the book? Let me just do the equivalent of a full day’s work in 6 hours without a lunch break then race through more rain because the meeting went on a bit and I’ve got to pick DD up in exactly 3 minutes, better get dinner on because it’s only fair since I work less hours and also play with DD because I’m doing this so we have quality time right? Now it’s bathtime and DH is doing it because he’s SUCH a good dad, well done him, so involved - oh shit I never got time to remake the beds after stripping them this morning, let me just do that now, and then I better find the bits DD needs to dress up as a minibeast of her choosing tomorrow for the ‘bug ball’ and also make sure her forest school stuff is ready by the door, then I’ll just log on and do another quick 3 hours work whilst worrying that I’m neglecting my marriage and then I can go to bed.’

Depends on the day really!

I'm Irish. My mother had to leave her civil service job when she married. She just got a (lower paid) job in the private sector.
In the 1980s during when unemployment was massive in my area it seemed like if parents were working it was the mothers, in factory jobs or as cleaners.

But do you think women didn't work before industrialisation? Because they did, and for longer hours and worse conditions than they do today.

I agree! I do stay at home and I love it. No Sunday night feeling, lots of time with children and dog, if I don’t want to wash my hair I don’t have to, no commute, no rush. No office politics and colleagues, just my actual friends to see during the week. Lots of time to exercise. I do realise this is very lucky though! I hated all my jobs. I did pretty good ones too, ones others would regard as fulfilling and interesting, and sought after. But it was the feeling of constantly having to live up to a target or standard, and the evening niggling worries of “ was that good enough?” “Did I upset her?” “What will be in the inbox tomorrow” “how am I going to have time to make something nice for dinner” that irked me.

And give up all the associated rights and freedoms. God no

Never.

Why only woman?
i wish noone had to work and noone had to do cooking and cleaning 🤣 sorry a lifetime of cooking and cleaning sounds like a nightmare to me. And noone values this work that much sadly

if I could not work and just do my hobbies AND spend time with my children AND travel, but still have help in looking after my children, cleaning and cooking that would be perfect. And if my husband could do the same that would be great.

but your option - no thanks

When my granny married in Ireland in 1922 my grandfather was in a civil service job and she had to give up her job. Her story was that the Monday after the wedding he had breakfast and said something like, "You can have whatever you like, you only have to ask." When he left she went to see her old boss and got her job back and that evening as they were eating dinner she said, "I can have whatever I like without asking as I've got my job back." It didn't last long as she gave birth to twins in 1923 but she made her stand.

I don't think anyone should have to work as much as we do.

As my mother in her late seventies said

"People's whole lives are wasted working.
Then when you reach my age. You are too weak to enjoy your freedom".

On the other hand though, it would put women in a very vulnerable position if they were SAHM. What if their husbands had an affair/turned out to be an abuser/just decided to leave?

Hard agree.

It’s so capitalist that women go out to work, and pay tax, while younger women - of ideal child having age themselves / look after their children, and pay tax.

State gets tax x 2, woman get to outsource child rearing to another woman (on low pay).

Yes, economic power and financial independence is vitally important but fuck that for a game of soldiers.

Women not working ARE the Big Society - so many wider social benefits to the community that aren’t really captured.

I bet behavioural problems wouldn’t be so bad in schools either.

House prices, globalisation, assortative mating, and growing inequality have shafted us all, and women most of all.

These threads always go the same way and it seems to be that women are the harshest critics of each other. So far as women we are to blame for:

Behavioural problems in children by working.
Rising house prices.

We're told that we should go to work and then shouldn't go to work. That our only role should be to facilitate a man's career.

There's also comments about older mums regretting leaving it too late and being mistaken for someone granny.

I'm probably over sensitive but I'm almost 37, want a 2nd child and work full time but reading this you think I'd be harming by child by working and the time I do spend with them someone will think I'm their Grandma. Lovely.