To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

I'm a SAHM, I have rights and independence

I get where you are coming from @Blueberryancakes . There are many days that I wished I could have stayed at home all day. There were also days when I didn't.

With my old gimmer's perspective, I am now really glad that I worked. I worked part-time when mine were pre-schoolers and then went full time about two years after they were both in primary school. My ex-husband left us and for a good few years it was all about as fun as an invasion of wasps at a picnic. However, once they were both at senior school it got much easier and now they are all grown up, I couldn't be more glad. I have paid all my NI contributions, I have a decentish pension put by and I know that I will be financially ok.

It is a really hard balance to strike and we are fortunate to have a bit more choice than our forebears, but that doesn't mean it is an easy choice or always a happy choice. I hope you can find a balance that works for you @Blueberryancakes . Remember nothing stays the same and what feels hard now, may not in a few years.

Yes, some of us are like you, OP, and I think we keep it quiet.
I've been married for 20 years, husband significantly older, never wanted kids, never needed to work.
I'm happy like this, but it's kept away from conversations.
Of course I care for my husband, work around the house and garden.

No way would I ever allow myself to be controlled by a man earning the money. So many women get screwed over that way. I’m proud that I earn good money and want to pass on to both of my children that women are valued for more than cleaning in the household.

My family have always been poor, going back generations. Women had no choice but to work. My grandmother was a bus conductor at one point, even with 8 kids at home!

I'm continually shocked at people's lack of awareness about the world around them.

You do realise that universal basic income has already been trialled and tested in many countries around the world , yes?

They are constantly talking about bringing it into effect.

The idea of it is not that no one ever works again.

The idea is that they give people a base amount of money every month, so that they can survive regardless.

And then people can choose to work on top of that , if they want.

The idea of it : is that people are not forced to work.

But that they choose to contribute to society how they want.

I always joke about being a sahm but truthfully I love my job. I'm now in a position that challenges me, makes me learn new information and I enjoy the social aspect. Dont get me wrong there are days I want to leave but I couldn't imagine not working. My children are getting older and I see that I need to have a life after they have left the nest. I have a perfect balance as I work part time so get to attend school events, plays etc and still have days of work. My career is part of my identity as is being a mum.

I also need to be financially independent. Me and Mr Trixie have a good marriage but I've seen how quickly that can change, he could die, meet someone else etc. if he left I could still live as I am and have my pension and home.

I did have a period of being a sahm, it made me mentally unwell as my brain wasn't being challenged so found other ways to occupy itself

I’m on garden leave at the moment. For a few more months until I start my next job. So my old job are still paying me, but they want me away from confidential information.

My DC are at school, DH is working, cleaner cleans inside and gardener keeps outside looking nice.

I’m bored. I like working. I’ll start volunteering after half term next week. I wouldn’t want to go back to a time when women weren’t welcome in the workplace. It’s freeing and fulfilling to be an expert in a field. I miss being asked my opinion and people listening!! Picking up my DC from school and cajoling them to eat/wash/sleep doesn’t hit the same mark 😂

Hi I absolutely agree that you can choose to be a SAHM. And that's great.

But I just wonder how receiving money from a man, is independence.?

If he left. How would you survive.

Women have always worked, even after they had kids. There were women in the mills and the mines, working as house keepers and miads, publicans, shopkeepers, factory workers etc. I am happy I can live in a time when I can get paid fairly for it.

What you really mean is I wish I was middle/upper class.

Sorry quoted the wrong post.

🥱

😂

This has never happened except in richer households where it still happens.
Even in the 40s/50s women still worked (but mostly in lower paid base level jobs like cleaning and making the tea) unless you were a teacher or nurse or similar stereotyped female job.

I don't think anyone wants to work.

Or at least they don't want to do the old style of work

Where we are in an on office for the whole day, 8 hours a day, five days a week, seeing the same twenty people. Staying in one career for life because we were told that we should.

More people that I talk to now are embracing new ways of work.

Which is :

Changing career.

Doing more than one job at the same time as they are interested in different things.

Travelling for six months of the year and working remotely from different cities.

Make your working life more bearable and interesting if you can

You even edited and yet still posted this

They are though. The OP was saying that all women want to stay at home and wouldn’t it be brilliant if this could be facilitated.

I agree with you, it’s about the choice, I would hate hate hate to stay at home. I’m so happy I have the choice to get an education, go to work, etc.

I feel like in these cases people only believe a certain type of woman should stay at home.

It’s fine to stay at home, but I don’t see why it should be to the detriment of others (as in house prices propped up by the government). If you don’t want to work you need to make provisions (save up, marry rich, etc.), it’s not an entitlement. Many people don’t want to work, male and female.

I think you nailed it.
😊

I don't think many women dream of being housewives as much as they dream of having all the money they want with no need to work...and that's hardly a female-only dream.

Working class women have always worked anyway. And let's not forget how many middle and upper class housewives needed drugs to get through the day...

I always think that companies must love having all these women desperately competing with men to be the perfect employee, judging their worth by their job.

Mind you, I'm not saying a woman's place is at home. It's just that most men seem to want nothing more than to make enough to retire early, whilst many women seem to see their job as self validating.

I sometimes wonder if this is why women get unhappier with age but with men it's the reverse - men always knew it was a means to an end but women hit a certain age and realise that the meaning of life isn't sitting in a cubicle dedicating your existence to a company that'd bin you off in a second if it saved them money.

I can certainly see a fair few of my sister's friends approaching 40 and regretting putting off having kids until so old. But horses for courses etc. Personally though I'd not want to risk potentially being mistaken for the granny lol.

No - you have misunderstood. It was actually for the vast majority of our evolution - I am talking about the fact that children would have been in very close proximity to family members for their entire upbringing. This was the norm for tens of thousands of years. You are referring to the way things have been done during a period of hundreds of years (basically, the industrial revolution onwards). I am not over-romanticising anything. I am not talking about going back in time, I am simply stating that we should be aspiring to move forward in a more intelligent way, which reflects on the fact that what the current context is far from ideal.

Couldn't think of anything worse tbh, I'd be bored to tears being stuck in a life of household chores

I have always been the high earner/career partner in my relationship.
DH gave up work a year before lockdown. He had savings and now has a small draw down pension that provides him with spending money.
I continued to work full time until I sold my business. I then went part time for 4 yrs ( we lived off the proceeds of the sale) eventually taking my public sector pension last year. I still work one day a week.

When DH became a SAHP many people commented and asked if I was ok with it. The most critical were SAHM that I know. I took great pleasure in asking them if their DHs minded them being SAHP. Some just didn’t get the irony of their comments, others were visibly uncomfortable when they realised.

They all tried to claim that it wasn’t the same, but couldn’t explain why.

I had 5 years at home as a full time mum with my boys when they were born and I loved it. My husband's salary was enough for us to live on. We didn't live extravagently and holidayed in the UK once a year. I went back to work when my oldest started school and have worked ever since. I, like you the original poster, would love to not work. I would love to have been able to play the benefits system like many people I know and to have spent a life never working. I don't particularly like working so I completely understand your feelings.

I don’t understand this idea that a SAHM is ‘living off’ of her DH and spending his money, simply because he was the one that put the work in to produce it.

I grew, carried, birthed, fed and nurtured our children- does that make them my children? Is he somehow less deserving of them because he didn’t actually put the work in to create them?

No, because we are a team and we both bring something different to the table.

Interest rates were a bit different in the 70s and 80s which people always seem to forget.