To wish woman didn’t have to work

[Blueberryancakes]

I think I was born in the wrong decade.

Somedays/Most days I wish I lived in the days when once a woman got married she would give up work. Stay at home have children, cook and clean.

I know it’s such an anti feminist opinion but I guess that’s how I feel.

I enjoy cooking and cleaning. I hate going to work. I wish we lived in a time when 1 wage would pay the bills.

Anyone else think like me?
I know woman now have so many career options nowadays but house wife seems to be a very privileged one.

And the ones in appalling marriages who can't leave because it'll plunge them and their children into poverty. It's heartbreaking.

I'm not judging any woman for their choice BTW, I just genuinely hope they've got a plan in place and are protected if things go pear shaped.

There's a 50% chance a marriage won't last. In the half that do, a good chunk of women will plod on being miserable because they have to for financial reasons, not because the couple actually likes and loves each other. The odds that a life of dependence on a man will be a happy fulfilling one just aren't in women's favour.

I agree with this. It's most always women looking to drop their hours because they want more time with their children.

Of course they do, that's natural. Men are far more likely to just hunker down and work. Women prefer a balance. If they can have it, good on them.

We do. I earn a high enough wage working only 1-3 days a week and my husband earns a high wage and works full time. No bloody way and I working full time when I a) don't want to b) have a young child I'd rather spend time with. And that's from someone who loves their job- my job is my passion but I still don't want to do it 5 days a week. Life is about more than that.

Of course there will be plenty on here saying "I love my work I would never give it up". We'll, neither would I. I just don't want to work more than 1 or 2 days a week. And, that's why it's a bell-curve. Of course some outlying women will say that, but if you asked the entire population of women most would want to work part time or not at all.

I could never be dependent on anyone else. I need that sense of importance, independence and interest that comes with doing a job I love.
"find a job you love and you'll never work a day in your life" Mark Twain

I've had a long time off work to be a sahm. I've been very privileged. I'm heading back to work late in the year, as my youngest will be in secondary school. Looking forward to work, but lost a lot of confidence by staying at home.

My late DM, worked,my late DF had disability,no fancy sickpay in the 1950s, first off she had cleaning jobs. She always worked, didn't drive,so buses between houses. By the time I was a teenager, she worked 2 jobs plus DF income to afford a mortgage. Ft in an office,then till I am in a pub.popular misconception,you could buy a house on one income. Yes houses were cheaper, but when I started nursing training in 1972,we lived in a caravan (not a fancy park home) I earned £9 A WEEK. I've always worked. I returned to nursing after my last DD was born, because I could work nights, and always be around if she was ill. Never missed a sports day or assembly.First H managed a jewellery shop in London,(qualified horologist ) fabulous salary,rent free flat above. Shop was burgled,owner not insured,(third burglary) closed shop immediately,were homeless, hence caravan. Took 5 years to save deposit for house.

I have been a sahp and I loved it.

My son has Sen , childcare was unsuitable, we don't have a village and trying to both work and manage sin and keep on top of house was impossible.

So I did house and child and dh focussed on career. But we always respected each other's roles. We never played who has the harder life. When ds started school I started working partitime . Love my job but it's low pay. Dh earns 6x what I do but we have equal money and pay into our pension equally.

I'm one of those people who look after your child, and the vast majority of us, despite stories in the news, really do care. We are paid poorly for an important job, you can only do the job if you have a passion for it so please don't think your little one isn't cared for and offered professional love.

Of course they do, that's natural. Men are far more likely to just hunker down and work. Women prefer a balance. If they can have it, good on them.

It's not 'natural'. It's the result of societal expectations. There's absolutely nothing in a man's biology that makes him 'hunker down and work'.

Never understand this argument.

Working women have to cook & clean as well. Even if they have a cleaner, that's only a few hours a week taken off the list. The rest still has to be done around work hours.

Individuals should do what works for them as long as they can support themselves and their children and aren't replying on the taxpayer.

I still believe however that women have ended up with a bad deal, working and still doing the majority of the childcare, housework and organising family life. Doing it all, not having it all.

Capitalism means that unless you are earning you are not seen as important. This is wrong imo, free labour, mostly supplied by women, is worth billions to the economy.

That said women are pushing back - I don't think the government factored in that is pesky women would have to stop providing care whether it be for children or elderly parents. Hence we have the social care crisis.

You can stay at home, it’s just a trade off between that and lifestyle. If you’re not willing to make that trade off, don’t complain about it.

Agreed. There's nothing feminist about judging and criticising another woman for doing something she enjoys!

I've had very poor male role models my entire life, from my own father to my DS's father, I just can't ever fully trust men I suppose. There's always that chance you could get screwed over, no matter how tiny.

Capitalism means that unless you are earning you are not seen as important.

But we're the ones perpetuating this surely?

I don't get when people say "society think this" / "society thinks that".

We ARE society.

Nah. I enjoy working. Also money. Money is freedom, power and control over your own life. I'd never cede that to anyone else.

Woman has always worked.

It’s really about having no choice in the matter, be that male or female. Add to that all (well most) of us probably having to work past the official retiring age.
We were never ‘meant’ to work for as long as we’ll have to.

Literally same. I’d love to afford to SAHM but not loving the idea of all cleaning coming down to me as a result 😂

No. It would bore the arse off me. I wasn’t put on this earth with the brain and intellect I have to do nothing but be a skivvy.

I understand the desire to spend more time with kids, doing housekeeping stuff etc. But its the total dependence on others for support and being at complete mercy of your husband... Why on earth someone would want to be in this position?? We all heard stories of men leaving their stay-at-home wives when they hit 50s with literally nothing. Or even stories on this thread about awful dependent and abusive situations women find themselves with after having kids with seemingly wealthy husbands and stopping earning money.

I'm all for good work-life balance and ability to work part time or flexible hours, but I really don't understand this desire to be giving your freedom and independence away for the chance not to do any work. Very strange to me.

Early hominids - women foraged
Agricultural revolution - women sowed and reaped and foraged
Early settled communities - women sowed and reaped and foraged and used herbs and poultices to treat illness and injury

Later, women also: sewed, spun, healed, cooked, crafted, cared for children, skinned the kill, undertook important pagan ceremonies

In the mediaeval era women also entered businesses such as brewing, laundress, service, sewing, baking shops

Industrial revolution - women worked in factories, mills etc

Women have always also cared for their children, other people's children and helped other women in childbirth and thereafter

Women have ALWAYS worked. The beautiful SAHM is a patriarchal fantasy spanning a few decades at most. Like the ideal of the southern belle.

As a woman it puts you into a very vulnerable position though.

I get it. I dread to return to work in September after maternity leave. I have 3 children now and I'm tired.

I don't understand this "capitalist" argument that gets banded about. Not every women works for big corporate organisations and so what if they do? Women can contribute so much to society asides from being a parent and I think it's great we have women working in all of these organisations.

It's great if you want to stay at home, but by saying that women that go out to work are wage slaves etc, downplays the skills and talents that women can contribute to the work place and wider world.

FWIW, I work in social work ensuring elderly people have much needed care. Social work is largely made up of women and a high proportion of working mums.

Why do people start a thread and then never return, journalists? I doubt the OP think this, they’re just trying to be controversial and wind everyone up.

I think it’s great we now have a choice. We are not expected to stay at home. If you want to stay home then you have to find someone to support you in that, just like you have to find someone who will support you in all your life choices (having/not having children, where you want to live, etc.).

We can survive one wage. Before children we both wanted to work, and after children we both wanted to work so we did. We both wanted parental leave and we both split the housework/childcare/mental load.

I am so happy with my life, I’m not stressed, I like my job, like my home life, enjoy quality family time. I would be unhappy to the point of depression if I had to stay at home all day doing all the chores. It’s fine if you want to do that, but don’t assume all women are some homogeneous lump who all think the same, it’s small minded and insulting.

Indeed. The majority of nurses (especially midwives) are female. What happens if they all stay at home?