Postponing school start date for child who isn’t school ready

[rockstarjuice]

(Not summer born) AIBU to do this and how do I go about it? Really not ready for school at all: have been trying to convince myself they are but they really aren’t.

If you can delay his start (which I doubt you can, as he’d be considered one of the older ones) and crack the toilet issues by the January, he won’t be able to read and write to the standard that the other children can. That will create a whole heap of other issues for him. Yes he can wee in the toilet but when the teacher talks about digraphs and sound buttons he’s going to be clueless. Are you planning to homeschool him those first four months?

If there may be a poop issue - constipation?
that can affect weeing too due to the pressure.
eric seems to say over 1l a day for a 5yo to drink. So if he isnt getting that look at increasing. Whilst avoiding too much OJ or blackcurrent or maybe sweetners.

other tactic is making the changing process more hassle than going to the toilet.

what happens if you are out somewhere? Or is he less likely to have an accident as toileting before leaving?

Also you would expect him to only need to wee maybe 1-2 times at nursery if say 9-3pm. So that shouldnt be that many accidents? Unless he isnt holding at all.
i would have thought nursery remond them to go at least once too?

even at 8 my youngest needs to be reminded to go before going out somewhere as i think she cant see that a trip might take a few hours.

even just a oh no! We have to go home now as we have no more dry clothes left might work (child dependent). Unfortunately i would say you beed to push a bit to u nderstand what the issues is
do they not care
constipation
lack of sensation
dont like being forced to do something (pda)

Can they wipe their own bottom if they need a poo?
Can they put their own socks on?
Can they do their buttons/zip on a coat?
If they're in pain/unwell can they articulate this or do they mask?

All these things slow down a class of 30 odd learning the actual lesson plan.

Search 'schools stole 5 year's as there's some interesting research to suggest that 1.2.1 learning within a climbing style setting benefits children far more than seated for several hours a day.

Have you looked into forest schools?

Can put own socks on. No to the rest.

What do you want from these threads OP?
Not goading genuine question

Would your child be able to cope with pe kit, using the most child friendly clothes where possible, so t-shirts not shirts, velcro fastening shoes etc

On this occasion I think it is pretty clear.

I know that you can delay school start dates for summer born children. I didn’t know what the procedure (if any) was for children who are not summer born. I’ve answered that three times now. Not goading, just pointing that out.

The needs of the child also include their emotional needs though.
Most children will even out by the age of 8, it doesn't matter when they learned to walk, talk, toilet train, count or read. So potentially 'losing' a few months at school shouldn't impact him that significantly.
Emotionally, and socially he could be faced with some issues, which will impact everything by else.
The only thing is you could be faced with the same issue come January if he still doesn't show signs of being ready but no one knows if that's going to be the case.

But I thought you said you were a teacher.

In terms of your options there are probably three:

• put him in from September (do you have an offer of a school place already?)
• see if school will allow a January start (they will possibly resist this but given he’s not stat school age until then I’m not sure there’s much they can do
• home educate and apply for an in-year place once he’s cracked it.

Well, this is the problem. Children can be very unkind.

I could send him in pull ups, I’m sure teachers / TAs would deal with it (how they’d feel about it is another matter!) but I am genuinely very worried there would be a lot of bullying as a result, given the schools small size.

It just marks you out as different and not in a positive or even neutral way.

I am yes. I have nothing to do with primary though. I don’t teach anyone younger than 14. How much do you think the reception teachers know about UCAS and applying to university?

You do have the right to wait until he is csa, in January 2025, and keep the place he has been allocated in Reception. However it is worth liaising with the school to make the transition smoother for everyone, including preparation should he nit be trained by then. It might mean applying for an ehcp.

Instead of resigning is applying for parental leave a possibility? Could you review at autumn half term?

We shall see. I’m still hoping for a miracle (which is probably reason no2 for the thread, people saying ‘it’s fine, mine wasn’t trained until 12 hours before school started and suddenly got it’

dear god
please

I think preschool asking me to go back to pull ups upset me - not their fault but made me realise I can’t pretend ‘oh he’s trained but still have accidents’ - have to admit failure which is hard for me to do.

@rockstarjuice I help with scout group. We have children coming on cub camp with pull ups for nighttime. Never known anyone be bullied for it, and children will be sharing tents. Same with school residentials. We ask parents to tell us. The problems arise when parents don't want to say anything as feel they will be judged.

Talk to school

That's a lot of poo in a day though? I think others have suggested he could be constipated causing leaking and also can affect bladder control.

I think you need to:

1. Make GP appointment to get the ball rolling to rule out underlying conditions
2. Contact HV again
3. Speak to the school to see what they say about him going in pull-ups if needed

Meant kindly grow a thicker skin regarding "judgement", if you know you've done everything you can that's what matters.

I don't think you should delay him starting school if he's doing ok with everything else.

It’s a lot but I think it was three chapters from the same book if you like 🤢

I don’t give a shit about people judging me but that’s going to impact on my children so I do have to care, if only so they aren’t upset.

Hi OP

How do you feel about home education? Maybe you could do that for the time being and send him when he’s ready.

I am looking into that. It is difficult as it isn’t what I’d planned but there are benefits too.

Plenty of schools realise that getting reception age children to change into PE kit is a hassle.

My DD's school makes reception and year 1 run around daily but they do it in normal school uniform. Normal school uniform for reception children includes jogging bottoms for the first two terms.

Is money tight, OP? Have you looked into private potty training consultants? There is Little Bunny Bear, who is also works in paediatric research and nursing, so have can advise on the issue much more widely than someone who is just strictly method based.

https://littlebunnybear.com/

@rockstarjuice does your child have constipation (so has leakage accidents), allergies or toddler diarrhoea? DS had all of those so we had issues when doing toilet training. But once we got medication and removed certain food sources, life became easier in that regard. He was still having poo accidents at pre school but the teacher was fab, and recognised some of his behaviour as her youngest had the same issues at the same age so was able to give us advice.

Thanks, I’ll have a look at that. We definitely need some extra help 😂

Have you spoken with the school he is due to go to? I’d arrange a meeting with them and be honest about where you are at and see what they say. It’s difficult - are there any other things you’re concerned about with regard to his development? Have you spoken to a health visitor - that would be my first port of call.