Please define “Partner” for me

[Chatonette]

When I hear someone mention their “partner”, my brain thinks living together as married basically, but without the ceremony—renting/mortgage together, possible children, etc. Sometimes I see posts on MN about “my partner did X….” Then it transpires that they don’t live together and they’ve known each other for a few months.

My understanding of “partner” is clearly off-kilter. Can someone please give me a definition?

You're right op. I use partner for dp - together 9 nears, 2 kids, mortgage, equals. We were going to get married but covid and then we got busy with second child etc. It's funny that when I'm away in the states though and use 'partner' with clients, they ask about my girlfriend 🤣 I am mid 30s, him mid 40s, the age thing is relevant.

And what if you are in a serious long term relationship but don't live together.? Some people on this thread have been in that situation for decades

Following some intensive research two minutes of Googling I've decided I'm going to use Heart's Consort from now on.

Or Gentleman Friend.

I like both.

@Ponderingwindow

Most teenage relationships are fleeting. My DD’s 15yo friends swap out boyfriends and girlfriends as quickly as they change clothing. Yet they like to bandy about the word partner like it means nothing.

I understand this and yes that’s a bit daft, albeit harmless, I just don’t understand why other people concern themselves with the status and parameters of someone else’s relationship. It just seems very odd that people take it upon themselves to police this on behalf of strangers.

Firstly it really doesn’t matter. Who cares what people call their other half? Secondly it’s nosy and judgemental with a nasty moral tone to tell people their relationships aren’t valid (and I am talking mainly about the settled couples who don’t live together not the teenagers but this applies to to teenagers too I guess). And thirdly the word itself is open to multiple interpretations. So why bother trying to pin it down?

Yet people are continually frothing at the mouth at the “misuse” of such an inconsequential word. I find it bizarre.

I would prefer that teenagers didn't use it simply because I don't want them doing anything that makes what should be intense and transient relationships seem more important. But I really hate (apart from, as I said earlier) the concept of marriage and having a husband being the top of the hierarchy) is the ridiculous, disingenuous " I always assume people mean business partner." You absolutely don't if you have an IQ higher than that of a crayon.

To me partner has always implied having shared goals in some way - otherwise, what are you a partnership in?

I do need to ask though - a PP didn't want to put 'wife' on a CV. Am I being stupid? Why would 'wife' ever be on a CV?

(Now assuming I am being stupid but will post anyway)

Oh cripes, this made me laugh.

So many 'partners' in my extended friendship group...

I would say a partner is someone you share some of the burdens as well as joys of life with. So, you’d stay with them if they had an operation for example. I think it’s probably a bit overused on here.

my DP and I don’t live together full time due to his work but we do have a child so the living together definition doesn’t work for us.

Im not super keen on the word partner as it doesn’t sound very romantic but I did once have a car recovery guy berate me for using it 🙄🙄 (as he couldn't tell if I meant romantic or business) so that does have its advantages I guess.

@CurlewKate It depends what generation you're from as to how it is interpreted. Back when I started dating, partner was never used in relationships, it was used mainly in business terms. It was boyfriend/girlfriend. And it's absolutely nothing to do with someone's IQ at all, what a ridiculous statement! 🙄

Yet many of us in our 5,0s and 60s use the word partner. You can't be many generations above me lol

@Samlewis96 I'm 55 and I've never heard it used until the last 5 to 10 years or so. Never back in the 80's and 90's when I was being a girlfriend! Lol! 😁

Ah but back then you were younger. I'm 53 and as a teenager I had boyfriends. Then I had a husband. Now it's definitely a partner who I've been with for 8years My 20 year old son has a girlfriend he's been with a year.

The person you're in a committed romantic relationship with.

Also agree with @TwattyMcFuckFace, saying "boyfriend" in your 30s sounds utterly juvenile. I wouldn't call my partner a "boy" in any context.

Yep, I'd agree with that.

What if you have a child together?

I don't think you should concern yourself with how other people name their relationships.

I still think if it in terms of same sex relationship

but "boyfriend" for a couple in their 40s /50s etc is ridiculous and trivialising. As has now been stated many times, what has changed in the last generation or so is the prevalence of post divorce couples with separate children who have taken the sensible and to some extent selfless decision to NOT co-habit to avoid the step / blended family issues. They value their material independence but are partners in the sense of shared life goals, views, supporting each other both emotionally and practically and quite probably looking a long way ahead to a time when circumstances might allow them to co-habit, or not. Sharing a roof with someone is not the mark of commitment.

@MoonWoman69 I have used the term partner since 1985.

And I stand by my statement that even if it wasn't part of your vocabulary in your youthful, if you can't infer from context what a person means when they use the term nowadays then I reckon a crayon could give you a run for your money on Brain of Britain.

See also "I won't use Ms because I don't know how to pronounce it" and "What happens if two people with hyphenated names have a child, will it be a quadruple barrelled name? Where will it end?"

For many people it’s no different to what type of relationship ‘boyfriend’ signifies ie boyfriend might be someone you’ve had a few dates with or someone you’ve lived with for many years, have children with, share a mortgage etc. Husband has some legal significance but otherwise isn’t necessarily a signifier that the relationship is more profound or committed than someone described as boyfriend or partner.

And what if you are in a serious long term relationship but don't live together.? Some people on this thread have been in that situation for decades

To me that's not a partner , not because its not serious, but because that's just not what a partner is.

What's a partner to you?

Someone you are romantically involved with and living with.

Someone that you’re in a relationship with. I wouldn’t expect an 18 year old to use the term partner, I’d expect them to say boy/girlfriend.

Equally I’m bemused if someone in their 70’s introduces their girlfriend etc… I think partner would be more apt.

I wouldn’t assume they are living together either, but certainly in a relationship.

I really dislike this word. Makes me think business partner. Surely the person you're in a relationship with is, if not a husband, then a boyfriend. That's equally non specific in designating length and type of relationship.