Please define “Partner” for me

[Chatonette]

When I hear someone mention their “partner”, my brain thinks living together as married basically, but without the ceremony—renting/mortgage together, possible children, etc. Sometimes I see posts on MN about “my partner did X….” Then it transpires that they don’t live together and they’ve known each other for a few months.

My understanding of “partner” is clearly off-kilter. Can someone please give me a definition?

Someone I fuck judging by posts on here

Together 4 years, don't live together, in our 50's, we consider each other partners

If someone uses the word 'partner' - i would assume that they were older (40 years up) rather than the term 'boyfriend/girlfriend'

To be fair, I/we tend to use 'optional accessory' with other women 'in the know' and for whom the term 'wife' makes us gag.

I'm with you OP, I thought the word partner was the equivalent of the Swedish word "sambo" which means "person you are co-habiting with under marriage-like circumstances". (We also have "särbo" which means "we're in a very committed relationship but for various reasons choose to live separately" or possibly "very committed but much too old for the word boyfriend/girlfriend".)

I vote for "lover" pronounced lovvaaaahhhhh :grin:

I'm gay and "partner" used to be a trigger for my gaydar when guys my age or younger used it. To be fair, it turned out to be true more often than not.

In reality though, it can mean different things to different people. Relationships are on all kinds of terms these days now that getting married young isn't the norm. I generally find it's mostly people who feel like they're too old to use the term "boyfriend" or "girlfriend".

But it still stands that it's a go-to for some LGBTQ+ people who want to be ambiguous in certain settings, even if they do say boyfriend or girlfriend elsewhere.

My partner is literally that because we have a civil partnership. But even before we did, I called him partner rather than boyfriend because we have lived together for years and boyfriend felt juvenile, and husband plain wrong. However I do call his family my in-laws, even though that may infer marriage, because I have never landed on better terminology. I think partner is quite inclusive, because it can mean either gender and cover a range of relationship types.

My understanding is the same as yours.

When dh and I were dating, he was my boyfriend. Because we didn't live together or have shared commitments, financial or otherwise. When we got engaged, I called him my fiance, because we were engaged, but still didn't live together or have any shared commitments, other than a wedding that was booked.

BIL has a partner who he now lives with. They have a cat, a house (his house, but they treat it as theirs), shared bills, etc. He calls her his partner. But when they didn't live together and were first dating, she was his girlfriend. They have no plans to ever marry or have children. So are as committed as they will be in a technical sense.

I think people like to use the term partner to signify a closeness in a new ish relationship when there maybe isn't one because it makes them feel more grown up and like it's more serious than it is though.

I think it sounds rather hopeful when people have only known someone five minutes.

Dh’s serial-dating friend brought round his latest gf. She kept referring to him as “my partner”. They had been dating three weeks! It didn’t last three weeks more…

I’m with you OP, my boyfriend was my boyfriend until we moved in together which is around the same time I started calling him my partner. I look at it as having a shared life together, so a partnership in that sense.

Both me and DP are middle aged, but don't live together. Boyfriend/girlfriend sounds childish to me, so I refer to him as my partner.

When I hit about 28 I felt silly saying 'boyfriend' even when my chap at the time lived long distance due to work. Our intentions were serious and we put a lot of effort into maintaining the relationship even though had separate households.

Currently my DP and I live together, share two cats and all life admin etc and will probably get married although this isn't an urgent goal for us personally. For me it's a life stage thing. I also associate the word 'boyfriend' with relatives crowing and teasing 'is that your boyfriend?' when I was a shy child and embarrassing me so I am quite happy to move away from it to something more solid and mature

I see ‘partner’ used among younger people as a gender-neutral term for boyfriend/girlfriend/nonbinaryfriend - not necessarily implying anything about exclusivity or length of relationship.

I’m old enough to remember when it meant ‘same sex live-in lover I’m not allowed to be legally married to’

(I sometimes refer to DH as my partner when I’m talking to young people who will take against me as a surrendered sell-out to the patriarchy if they know I’m married.)

Better word for boyfriend/girlfriend

Partner is someone who you are in a committed and equal relationship with.

When DH and I were dating, I too referred to him as my boyfriend. Even when we lived together before marriage. Perhaps that’s why “partner” initially sounds so official to me, as in someone who chooses not to get married for whatever reason, and lives like a married couple.

Did the friend like being referred to as the partner? I imagine some people might be scared off by the term (if they view is as “totally committed”) three weeks in.

I think he was! I’d have a flippin’ fit if a bloke I was seeing referred to me as his “partner”. It has to be a two-way thing!

@bunnyhair - be a proud wife! I’m not adapting to judgy young people’s terms - what goes around comes around and I reckon GenZers will be galloping to the altar as rebellion against “partners”.

A friend of mine calls all her current bloke ( of about 3 months) partner. She said to me recently ‘I know we’re just shagging but I feel a twat saying boyfriend when I’m 48.’

Boyfriend, fiancé, husband.

I don't like 'partner'.

I’ve been with dp for 20 years, we have 3 children, but we aren’t married, so I refer to him as my partner.

Correct me if I'm wrong but there is still no official title of partner unless you are working partner? ,unless civil partner ship ? I don't know if there is a correct title for forms , the correct title of civil partnership ?

I'd appreciate if anyone could tell me what to call my 80 something father's "girlfriend"!! They don't live together or spend every day together or plan their lives together or share finances so to me partner doesn't seem appropriate. They go on dates and holiday together

I don't live with my DP, but we have been together nearly four years, are fully involved in each other's lives and families, and are making long-term plans together, just not ones that involve sharing living space full-time or merging our finances. We are in our 50s/60s, and I would feel ridiculous calling him my boyfriend at my age. According to the Guardian, we are "LATs" - 'living apart together'.

I might have to start using the word 'särbo' - shame I'm not Swedish! It fits our circumstances perfectly. Or maybe we should coin an English equivalent: 'live-out partner' rather than 'live-in partner', which used to be a common phrase?