Please define “Partner” for me

[Chatonette]

When I hear someone mention their “partner”, my brain thinks living together as married basically, but without the ceremony—renting/mortgage together, possible children, etc. Sometimes I see posts on MN about “my partner did X….” Then it transpires that they don’t live together and they’ve known each other for a few months.

My understanding of “partner” is clearly off-kilter. Can someone please give me a definition?

I’d use partner to mean somebody you share a “joint enterprise” with. So in general terms - talking to a colleague - the person you live with or LAPT but make joint decisions with.

Talking to a receptionist it could well be “my new boyfriend I’m on holiday with” or “the date I’m booking this activity with”.

In general I try to avoid labels and just say the person’s name - I’m bringing Fred to the barbecue.

I spoke to a 17 yo the other day who referred to a person they chat with online, who lives in another country and who they’ve never met in person as their “partner”, so I guess anything goes now. That’s extreme, I know, but FWIW I think it’s dangerous- it confers a casual
relationship with much more weight and complexity than it should, IMO, maybe making those encounters feel more difficult to ditch and run from?

I use it, been married twenty six years but I don't see that's anyone's business, I like parter as it's just neutral and describes how I feel.

For me, I call my fiancé my partner. We live together, have a house, pets etc and my step son, so it’s a full like relationship so boyfriend isn’t right as he’s my fiancé but fiancé always feels weird to say haha!

when we get married I’ll call him my husband.

Or alternatively, using the same neutral term for a casual/short term internet based romance as for a longer term committed relationship, blurring the boundaries between a "bad", "dirty" short term hook-up and a "good", "proper" settled relationship leading to marriage and children, could destigmatise the former and ensure young people don't feel ashamed of exploring themselves and their sexuality etc by having several shorter terms relationships in their teens and twenties which I think is actually preferable in a lot of cases despite the MN pearl clutching about anyone who enjoys casual sex/sex outside a traditional home ownership and children set up...

I don't know, language is tricky, personally I do tend to use partner in the more traditional sense, but it seems to me the world of sex and dating is changing so quickly with so many more different types of relationships nowadays that the available 'labels' simply aren't keeping up, so probably the answer is to be fairly relaxed and open minded about what words people use to describe themselves and their significant others?

I agree with this in that I find it really strange when adults refer to having
"boyfriends" , or in the male case "girlfriends". The terminology is just not right and I think possibly some people who also think this use the term "partner" to get round this, even if the relationship they have doesn't really fit the partnership model.
Personally I find referring to adults over the age of 18 as girls/boys/ lads demeaning.
Perhaps it's time to devise a better terminology to replace the boyfriend/ girlfriend relationship for adults so that the term partner can be used more accurately for a partnership relationship.

It means whatever it means to the person using the term. There is no definition. I don't think it's for other people to police the terms people use about their own relationships, really.

I agree with your definition OP. I have a partner - we have been together for nearly 20 years - have a 16 year old son, mortgage, labrador and a civil partnership certificate

I often think this.
My daughter has a girlfriend.
They don't live together..
Been together a few years.
Both in 30s.. they just say " Girlfriend ".
Maybe if they did live together eventually and share bills etc it would become partner.
Or even wife and wife.

You can use whatever term you like but someone calling a new BF/GF their partner after a few months can’t expect others to do the same.

Some interesting viewpoints, thanks all. I won’t assume when I hear “partner” going forward…

To me it is for people living together

What I find irritating and distasteful is when women,as they often do, have a hierarchy, with husband at the top. Marriage is not a promotion!

Some move in together after just a couple of shags because its convenient.

Yes and then suddenly there is an accidental pregnancy and they’re tied for life in a way they never actually intended.

And not only are they a ‘partner’, but they are given the title of ‘step parent’ with a few weeks or months to existing kids. 🙄

I've got a boyfriend.

We've lived together for 32 years.
Partner sounds odd to me, like a business transaction. If we got married he'd be my husband with possibly the fiancé step in between

Tbf a lot of the long term married couples in posts on here have very few of these 😁

I use "partner" to refer to my husband.

My mum hates it and associates it only with same-sex couples.

I think it would be very rude to refer to a person's self-declared partner as their bf/gf. Fair enough if you don't know what term they use, but once you do, it is good manners to use their term. As there is no legal definition, it just seems like contrariness to hold strong objections about it.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

To me “partner” is someone you are living with, where you have made a serious commitment and your lives are intertwined. Where you have had to make accommodations/compromises for another person and are glad to do so (and vice versa). When I hear someone use it about their boy/girl friend or someone they’ve been seeing for a few months I inwardly roll my eyes and get on with my day.

I think it is up to the individuals.

Not mine or anyone else’s place to define someone else’s relationship🤷‍♀️

My DP and I have never shared a house. 'Living apart together' is more common than people think. 30 years and counting.

Been with mine for over 30 years and I use 'partner' because we are marriage free and I don't want the word 'wife' on my CV.

Is this another thread designed to infantilise and bash those who are not married scripters?

My DP and I have never shared a house. 'Living apart together' is more common than people think. 30 years and counting.

Same with us!