I (injured) should have been DHs priority, not BIL (unwell)

[Bottomburpsandpops]

Recently, I had an accident where I tripped over and hit my head. My eyebrow split and I needed stitches. DH kindly left work a little early and took me to hospital. I was told I had concussion and I shouldn’t be left alone until the next day. We went home and all was fine until a couple of hours later.

DH had a panicked phone call from from SIL who said that his brother had felt unwell and fainted (no injuries to his head though), then appeared to be having convulsions. An ambulance wasn’t called as he wasn’t out of it for long. SIL had also called his parents who live a 5 minute drive away. We live around 20-25 minutes away.

what I’m upset about is that DH immediately left to go round his brother’s house. He was gone until around 2am as he drove SIL and BIL to hospital. They checked him over but no treatment was given, as they said it was convulsive syncope, not a seizure and he didn’t have any injuries/concussion. They were only at the hospital for so long because of the long waiting time in A&E.

while I sympathise with SIL and BIL, the fact is that his parents are completely fit/not too old and are both drivers with a car each and live very close by. SIL also has a car and they do not have children to look after. In addition, they all live closer to the hospital than we do. BIL also had no injuries. I, on the other hand, had concussion, was still bleeding, was in pain and was alone with a 3 year old and SEN 7 year old.

AIBU to have expected DH to prioritise me over his brother? BIL had 4 adults with him whilst I was alone and responsible for 2 children. I’m prepared to be told I’m being selfish, I may just be a little sensitive as DH has form for prioritising others over me and the kids.

That's a tough one,I can see why he was torn. But you're right he shouldn't have left you alone with kids with concussion when his brother had both a wife.and parents on hand.

He wasn’t really torn to be honest. He just left. Didn’t ask if I was ok on my own.

Hmm, I was thinking you might be overreacting a bit until you got to the part he left you in sole charge of the kids. That's pretty awful, because in the unlikely event you had passed out or something the kids could have come to serious harm. That seems an unnecessary risk to take when there were others to care for BIL.

I read most of your thread thinking he'd been a bit daft and thoughtless, and that he probably shouldn't have left you alone, especially after the doctors had said not to. Then I read that he left you looking after 2 young children. What an idiot! What does he think would have happened if you'd had a turn for the worse?

Your DH should not have left you on your own if the medical advice was that you should not be alone - and he certainty shouldn't have left you with young children. If he was desperate to go to his brother then the least he should have done was arrange for someone else to be with you. In the absence of that he should have stayed with you.

He shouldn't have left you looking after children (unless they were in bed?)

But they didn't know it was a syncope, and if someone close to you is convulsing you're going to assume it's something quite bad and serious.

That’s a good point. I wouldn’t have been upset at all if he’d shown enough concern to make sure someone was with me, but he just left without really thinking about me and more importantly, the kids.

No YANBU, because of there being kids involved - I have vomited after a concussion and had to be checked out again. Seems like thoughtlessness as opposed to deliberately fucking you off though

Had concussion several times from horse riding and never been told not to be alone once released home. I mean if you have no family you have to be alone

Yeah, I guess so, but he was only convulsing for a short time and was fully conscious by the time SIL called.
i dunno, maybe I’m just being selfish!

Until he was diagnosed with compulsive syncope presumably your DH thought his brother was having a seizure? Essentially from his perspective his brother collapsed and has a seizure, which could mean he is potentially very unwell.

It's a difficult situation and ideally no you shouldn't have been left alone, but I also don't think you can hold someone to perfect decision making when 2 family members have been unwell in one day.

The advice re having someone stay with you after concussion is very generic and a lot of the time impossible to follow anyway. Whilst an adult fainting and convulsing sounds like a more serious condition.

But you were in pain and had children in your care so I'll say Yanbu, he should have stayed at home.

No way should he have gone without checking you were ok first. I'd actually struggle to forgive this Op, unless he's massively apologetic & has realised his mistake (fearing his brother was dying being the only acceptable reason he rushed off).

Ok, maybe I’m just extra sensitive because of the state of my face right now.

Well quite, which is why I would call an ambulance before everyone else in the family.

Quite odd of your SIL to phone three other adults from two households if she thought he wasn’t unwell enough for an ambulance, and she’s got a car and no kids. I’m close to my brother and SIL but unless he was really very poorly - 999 poorly - I don’t think I’d expect to hear about him falling unwell until later on.

He had made sure you were ok stitches and in bed then another family crisis arose which he responded to.

He did the right thing. You're being over sensitive

I 'found out' last week concussion can lead to a stroke. Any medics to confirm this?.. Your dh's db had enough people fussing over him. He left you with 2 dc unattended.. Quite shocking imo.. Ask him if his priorities are skewed.

Idiotic DH and SIL.

Couldn’t SIL have called a cab to A&E?

To be fair, my friends husband had a small seizure like that and seemed completely fine by the time the ambulance arrived. Conscious , laughing about it, having a cup of tea. They took him to hospital anyway just to be safe and he had a grand mal seizure followed by a massive stroke on the way in and almost died. If he'd not been en route to the hospital already he probably would have.

So with respect you're being a bit unfair that they shouldn't have been worried because he "only" convulsed for a short time. Convulsions are fucking terrifying. By the same token I could say your husband shouldn't have been that worried about you because you "only" banged your head and cut your eyebrow and had nothing immediately life threatening wrong with you.

Fwiw I think you're right and he shouldn't have left you concussed with two kids, that was selfish and irresponsible, but you can and should express that to him without minimising his brother's illness and his wife's worry.

He should of stayed with you. YANBU.

Your SIL & bil sound quite selfish. Why couldn't they get a taxi?

Having had concussion myself, it makes you feel very peculiar and you definitely weren't in a fit state to look after DC's.

Your DH was totally out of order just leaving you like that. Very worrying to see him demonstrate where his priorities lie.

I think you need to have a serious talk to him.

They say not to be alone to cover their arses really, if they don’t think anything is majorly wrong they’ll send you home and advise someone is with you ‘just in case’. Lots of people will get dropped home by a taxi/friend/relative and just be on their own, it’s not a law or anything, just advice.
He should definitely have asked if you were feeling okay to be left and called to check in maybe.
Weird that sil couldn’t go with him to hospital alone if she had a car and didn’t think it necessary to call an ambulance.
I don’t think you’re being selfish, I think you’re feeling a bit hurt and not his priority, I imagine he was feeling you were settled and comfortable and then his brother had what seemed to be a seizure and he became a more pressing priority. It’s very bad luck that these 2 events happened so close together.
Hope you feel better soon op 💐

Well, she could have driven him or MIL or FIL could have.

Exactly.

💐 OP.