I (injured) should have been DHs priority, not BIL (unwell)

[Bottomburpsandpops]

Recently, I had an accident where I tripped over and hit my head. My eyebrow split and I needed stitches. DH kindly left work a little early and took me to hospital. I was told I had concussion and I shouldn’t be left alone until the next day. We went home and all was fine until a couple of hours later.

DH had a panicked phone call from from SIL who said that his brother had felt unwell and fainted (no injuries to his head though), then appeared to be having convulsions. An ambulance wasn’t called as he wasn’t out of it for long. SIL had also called his parents who live a 5 minute drive away. We live around 20-25 minutes away.

what I’m upset about is that DH immediately left to go round his brother’s house. He was gone until around 2am as he drove SIL and BIL to hospital. They checked him over but no treatment was given, as they said it was convulsive syncope, not a seizure and he didn’t have any injuries/concussion. They were only at the hospital for so long because of the long waiting time in A&E.

while I sympathise with SIL and BIL, the fact is that his parents are completely fit/not too old and are both drivers with a car each and live very close by. SIL also has a car and they do not have children to look after. In addition, they all live closer to the hospital than we do. BIL also had no injuries. I, on the other hand, had concussion, was still bleeding, was in pain and was alone with a 3 year old and SEN 7 year old.

AIBU to have expected DH to prioritise me over his brother? BIL had 4 adults with him whilst I was alone and responsible for 2 children. I’m prepared to be told I’m being selfish, I may just be a little sensitive as DH has form for prioritising others over me and the kids.

I wasn’t in bed, neither were DC. And SEN child hardly sleeps. He’s up every 5 minutes.

All eye rolling over dramatic tbh. If you were ok to go home from a&e then chances are you were fine. If SIL was that worried she should have called an ambulance or driven herself.

YANBU - medical advice was to stay with you for 24 hours.

He buggered off to be with an adult who had another adult, and no other responsibilities, leaving you alone in sole charge of two children.

I can understand him being concerned for his brother, but it would have sufficed for him to be at the end of a telephone line which he could do from home!

And to clarify, it wasn’t just stitches, over half my face is cut up, grazed and bruised as well as a bruised head.

I think it reveals you come pretty low down his priorities.

I'm guessing he does other things that make you feel like this?

Take a leaf from his book and treat him as an afterthought next time.

If he’s sick, don’t run around after him.

Have you told him how what he did made you feel?

Did he call you after he left to check up on you?

I agree he shouldn't have left you. That was wrong. However, I can kind of see it from his perspective - you perhaps seemed perfectly fine, were behaving normally. The he gets the call to say his brother had passed out and was having convulsions. He immediately panics and rushes to help his brother. He wasn't to know it wasn't actually too serious.

To which the correct response is ‘let me know how he is as soon as you know’ not to flee your sick wife and kids for a drama.

He shouldn't have left you in charge of the two dc. YANBU

I think this was my (perhaps selfish?) line of thinking if it were the other way round.

If my SIL called me about my brother, I would go and help IF there was someone with DH. But if I knew my brother already had an adult there and two others just turning up, being on the end of the phone would suffice while I was taking care of injured DH and taking charge of the kids.

He shouldn’t have left you.

Your husband is a twat.

YOU are not being selfish, he was idiotic, stupid (leaving you with a very small child, and a 7yo with SEN) when you'd had a fall. He was unloving, unkind & didn't act in the best interest of you or his children!!

id be hurt, but also absolutely fuming at the situation he left you & the children in.

BIL had his wife & both parents, he didn't NEED DH.

what has the fuck muppet had to say for himself?? I actually think this could be marriage ending material.

To be fiair. I think I'd be far more panicked by a fainting spell than a facial injury. You had been seen by a doc and if they had any real concerns they wouldn't have let you homeI know you were feeling rubbish and could have done with some tic but if my bil rang me to say my sister had lost consciousness for no reason I'd be out the door like a shot.

Seems to be about a lot more than this specific occasion. If it was only related to this I would think you were being v unreasonable - but then I have rugby playing kids who sadly often have mild concussion. It doesn't sound like yours was particularly serious and a seizure is a totally different kettle of fish - very terrifying to witness and potentially with a very serious cause - I'm glad not on this occasion.

Seems like you generally feel he de-prioritises you which is a different discussion.

This is one of those situations where the variables are important. If your SIL was panicking and your BIL was super sick and there were no other options, probably okay. But in this case, there were other options ranging from calling an ambulance, PIL, or SIL taking him to the hpspital himself. It was absolutely not okay for him just to leave. Very selfish and inconsiderate.

It sounds as if he panicked.

It does sound as if BIL’s episode seemed v alarming to begin with.

He shouldn’t have left you , no. Was it that you seemed stable and OK and he just panicked?

In the end, nothing bad did happen. But it isn’t surprising that you feel he didn’t take your concussion and injury seriously enough.

Have a serious calm talk. Tell him how vulnerable and taken for granted you felt / feel.

No, he shouldn't have left.

I understand he was worried but there were other adults to help BIL. You should have been his priority.

I actually can't believe he left you with a head injury, to look after two children by yourself.

What has he said about it all after the event?

IMO, whose medical condition was worse/potentially worse is irrelevant. Your husband should have stayed to take care of you and his children while knowing that BIL had his wife and also his parents to deal with him. He didn’t need to be the fourth adult there.

Yeah, he shouldn't have left you with such young children.
Even once he had got them to the hospital, did he not think to come back to you?
I'd be pretty fuming to be perfectly honest. He could have asked one of his parents to come to you if he had to 100% stay with his brother.

I think your dh was reckless leaving you, particularly with young kids with SEN. MIL and FIL should have taken BIL and SIL and your dh should have looked after you and the kids.

Have you spoken to him about how you feel? Is he always like this?

You're not selfish, you've just found out your bloke doesn't have your back. It's a blow.

Agree with this.

I can see it from both sides however as far as dh was concerned you were safe at home with the children , whereas his brother had collapsed and appeared to have a seizure , I’m sure panic set in and at that moment his brother was his priority as his case seemed more serious.

i do hope he kept in contact with you when you were home alone.

hope you are feeling better too .

Its not nice but you were well enough to be sent home you are just sore nothng life threatening . Your bil collapsed and was sent to TOO hospital he xould have been having a heart attack!
I would have sent my DH in a flash not thought he should have stayed with me at all?