Wedding, Birthday, who is being unreasonable me or DH?

[weeedling]

I have a friends wedding coming up in a couple of weeks. It's during the week and is an afternoon and into the evening do.

DH is not coming, he is in work anyway but he's not a big wedding fan (and doesn't know friend well anyway).

It just so happens that the wedding falls on DHs birthday.

He asked me if I'd be gone all day, I said yes I likely won't be back until late on.

He seems to think I should leave early because it's his birthday whereas I think a birthday happens every year, a wedding only once (hopefully!).

It's not a big birthday (I.e. 40th). He doesn't even usually do anything extravagant for his birthdays and he will be in work during the day anyway.

He doesn't have family living here which I do appreciate but he will have DC (his) with him so not alone and I have said we should do something the weekend of his birthday week too.

Who is being unreasonable?

YANBU - you should stay at the wedding for as long as normal / go with the flow on the day, DH is a grown up and doesn't need you there on his birthday.

YABU - stop being tight, leave your friends wedding early to do something for DHs birthday.

YANBU, if the wedding is in the week surely you can do something on the weekend with your DH?

If I invited my friend to my wedding and they left early because it was their husbands (not big) birthday, I’d be a bit miffed tbh!

If it’s not a big birthday then I don’t see the big deal. You can celebrate with him the next day? Can’t you pap him off for a few pints with his mates?

This is exactly what ive suggested and what I suspect we'd have ended up doing anyway even if I weren't out the evening of his actual birthday!

I would have checked with DH if he was ok abour me going before accepting the wedding invite.

I've just accidentally voted that YABU, but I think you are NOT being unreasonable to attend the wedding and organise a celebration for your husband on another date

YAB a little bit U - I think you’re making the right call, but you sound pretty blase about it - I’d be going to the wedding, but making a right fuss of my DH in advance and helping the kids put a nice birthday plan together for him while I’m out. And I know for sure he’d do the same for me.

You can change your vote.

He has DC with him that evening so can't go out to the pub but he's not one for doing that anyway!

Thank you @SeatonCarew will look up how to do this shortly

He’s being a bit of a baby. Everyone celebrates birthdays at the weekend if they fall midweek. Does he want to play pass the parcel too?

I think you should make a fuss for his birthday on the day before (if he usually does the same for you) even if it means two school nights out in a row. I always thinking celebrating a bit earlier is more fun than afterwards. You could always give him
an early morning birthday present too.

Probably make me sound a terrible wife but I'd definitely not have asked first. It's a good friends wedding so I wouldn't miss it because DH didn't want me to go.

He did know it was on his birthday though, I told him as soon as she told me the date!

What do you normally do on his birthday?

Was dh invited to the wedding with you? If he was that separate to spend time with you on his birthday, he could have accepted the invite!

@Saintmariesleuth you just press the other option and it changes it.

Could he join the wedding for the evening?

He's being a bit precious otherwise.

Have already done it, but thank you. I was expecting something more complicated.

DH was invited yes but he's working dduring the day and has his children in the evening that night (childfree wedding) so wouldn't be able to come however, he didn't want to anyway.

Not everyone celebrates at the weekend and very few adults play pass the parcel, so that’s irrelevant.

it’s a difficult one because different people place different values on birthdays

personally I think he’s being ridiculous but to me a birthday is just another day so perhaps I’m the wrong person to ask

but as an adult mid week surely it would be better to celebrate at weekend

I’d do a birthday breakfast like a fry up or something

I just went to a midweek wedding this week that landed on my child's second birthday. At the time of the invite my ex said I was outrageous even considering going to the wedding. Thankfully he is now an ex and I had a great time at the wedding and I celebrated the day before with little one and a party at the weekend.

Your husband is at work, so I don't see why he thinks the wa he does. You aren't never celebrating it, you're just postponing until the weekend like mot people do!

Oh FFS, no normal adult makes a fuss about their birthday! My husband will be away on my birthday this year (actually for a whole week) and was last year. This is because it's very convenient for what he will be doing. I don't care at all - good for him, I'm glad he's enjoying life. Go to your friend's wedding, OP, and have a lovely time.

When my birthday is mid week I usually celebrate on the weekend as its easier for everyone. Once he still gets to celebrate with you I see no problem with you going to a wedding, especially when he had the choice to go

Can you do him breakfast in bed with his gifts and cards before he goes to work? So it feels a bit special?

Last year DH came back very late on my birthday. This year DD had an event on his birthday, I took her so essentially we both were out. He was watching TV.

On my birthday we all were busy the whole day - then celebrated on Sunday.
He could do something fun with kids.