Wedding, Birthday, who is being unreasonable me or DH?

[weeedling]

I have a friends wedding coming up in a couple of weeks. It's during the week and is an afternoon and into the evening do.

DH is not coming, he is in work anyway but he's not a big wedding fan (and doesn't know friend well anyway).

It just so happens that the wedding falls on DHs birthday.

He asked me if I'd be gone all day, I said yes I likely won't be back until late on.

He seems to think I should leave early because it's his birthday whereas I think a birthday happens every year, a wedding only once (hopefully!).

It's not a big birthday (I.e. 40th). He doesn't even usually do anything extravagant for his birthdays and he will be in work during the day anyway.

He doesn't have family living here which I do appreciate but he will have DC (his) with him so not alone and I have said we should do something the weekend of his birthday week too.

Who is being unreasonable?

YANBU - you should stay at the wedding for as long as normal / go with the flow on the day, DH is a grown up and doesn't need you there on his birthday.

YABU - stop being tight, leave your friends wedding early to do something for DHs birthday.

YANBU! Enjoy the wedding.

Well on the day of my 40th I will be sitting on a train for hours home from the yearly visit to dp’s family!
as much as I like them it’s not a holiday so not top choice of way to spend my 40th

no celebration for me!

Your husband reminds me of my dad’s cousin.
We went to the coast to visit Dad’s aunt during Easter vacation when I was about 8.
The cousin was in his 50s - he threw a full-on tizzy because his wife didn’t get him an Easter basket filled with candy and stuffed animals.
At age 8 I was embarrassed for this grownup.
His mother’s basement had flooded and that had taken precedence over everything else.

How old is too old for birthday parties and Easter baskets when there are more pressing things to attend to?

Oh yes 😆

YANBU enjoy the wedding and do something with him another night.

One of my husband's childhood friends got married the weekend of my birthday. She lives quite far from us so it only see her once every 2 years.
Because we had to travel for the wedding we stayed for the weekend. We arrived on the Friday, the wedding was Saturday, my birthday was the Sunday and we travelled home on the Sunday afternoon.
On the Wednesday after the weekend of the wedding and my birthday my husband suddenly realised that it was my birthday and he had completely forgotten about it.
Neither of us mentioned by birthday while we were at the wedding and I never mentioned it afterwards.
My husband was apologetic when he realised a few days later but I didn't mind.
Like you said a wedding is a one time thing and birthday happen every year.
Last year on my birthday there was a concert I wanted to see in London. It just so happened to be on the same day as my birthday.
So I went to London for 2 days on my own because my husband had to stay home with our disabled child.
We didn't even see each other on my birthday and neither of us mentioned it at the time either.

My husband and I do shifts, so we celebrate birthdays on the nearest available day. We're adults.
Your husband is working and then has HIS kids in the evening. What was he expecting you to do anyway?

I agree.
My dh had to spend his birthday at a funeral this year. I think it very selfish of his friend to die knowing that it was nearly his birthday and selfish of the family to not call everyone that the deceased has ever known to find out when there birthday is to make sure that the funeral wouldn't clash.

OP. YANBU. He is supposed to be a grown man and sometimes life takes priority over birthdays. He will have to get over it.

Oh he’s being unreasonable and maybe a bit controlling.

he should go to the wedding, and he’s not guilt tripping you for him being antisocial? Inappropriate.

just set something up for him and DC to do while you’re gone, and the next day for the hopeful hangover. And get a hotel for herself with a friend and have a hoot.