Neighbours daughter

[Helplessbeth]

Cut a long story short my two children made friends with a girl who's an only child across the street from us. Playing outside if I was gardening or cleaning the cars, last month my daughter asked if I could ask her mom to come over for a play date.
mom agreed.
all of them played in the playroom then went into the cinema room to watch Taylor swift eras tour, lovely day.

so a few more times the girl came and played in our garden even having a bbq with us (which her parents knew about)
Saturday just gone a mini fairground came to a local park I know her mom and dad work weekends so I offered to take her with us instead of spending it with grandparents.
they has rides, candy floss, toys you name it I treated my children and this girl exactly the same.

the child was so happy and when her mom knocked on our door the child even said it's been the best day ever.

today I was leaving to take the dog for a walk and her mom shouted at me to come over for a chat.
she told me I shouldn't be spending my husbands money (I'm a sahm) on her child as it makes her feel bad because both her and her husband work but don't have the spare funds.
this took me as a surprise and I said I'm sorry you felt this way and I wouldn't like her to feel that way.

my dog was pulling so I quickly left and she huffed back inside.
I want to go and speak to her again as it seemed so aggressive from her side. I must also add growing up I was also an only child who parents both worked so much and felt a little lonely. The child's mom doesn't know this but maybe it would help coming from also another child who grew up without siblings.

aibu to take her daughter to the fair and buy whatever she wanted? I never even asked for any money. I just wanted them all to have a good day.

I would take their poverty with a pinch of salt to be honest.

We prioritise our kids and their clothes/shoes/activities/school trips come before our own - but that's not true of everyone.

Watch and wait. If you see "date nights" with meals and cocktails and holidays just the adults or adults going on boys trips, girls trips, you will know that they just don't prioritise their kid. Sadly that happens.

She was so rude! When you host, you provide. If I take a child to the fair and spend on the experience I expect a response exactly the same as if I spent the afternoon doing homemade dough crafts. The money shouldn't be an issue. When you host you host according to your means. It would be incredibly snobby to limit your hosting so a child doesn't experience something new.

I totally get it to be honest. If you can't afford something and someone else provides it you feel like crap

Playing devils advocate here but maybe she is embarrassed that she will not be able to do the same for your daughter in return.
also please consider that ‘your husbands money’ may have been a thoughtless way of wording things.
You are very fortunate to be a SAHM and still have spare money for the nice things. Not many people are that lucky these days.
There is no reason for her to be offhand or rude mind.

Hurt people shouldn't hurt people but they often do.
What she said was out of line but perhaps it was coming from a place of hurt?
If your children are good friends maybe you could sit down together with compassion and have a chat and explain it was only good intentions as you are also an only child, see if you can clear the air and set boundaries? Obviously her response to this with let you know a lot more, if she responds negatively again then pull back and don't invite her child places, as sad as that would be.

You’ve done nothing wrong, I’d be so grateful for what you did I’ve be bringing you a lovely bottle of wine to stay thank you.
Sounds like the other parent isn’t as financial stable and perhaps jealous.

I wasn’t an only child but was friends with a girl who was, her family would take me away with them. Isle of Wight, Brighton, Margate it was amazing! They never once asked my parents for money as we would have the girl at ours for dinner/sleepovers too. I’d be so grateful for that type of village and know that someone cares enough about my child so they don’t miss out.

If the mother can't afford stuff then she should be happy someone else was happy to provide her with a treat. This is def more about mums jealous nature than you. To say spend your husbands money - personally it's a shame for the child but that's one family I'd give a wide berth. Sounds Toxic!

Can you imagine if you'd taken her and not treated her the same? She'd have a thread of her own up here before you could say fairground! Bleating about how her child was treated like an outsider, forced to watch your kids have fun and treats right under her nose etc

That incredibly rude comment aside, you were taking them to the fair, so what did she expect?! It involves spending. If she had certain expectations about that spending she should have communicated that beforehand. Wow.

She’s jealous — probably of both you being a SAHM (because she got that little dig in) and that she didn’t get to give her daughter ‘the best day ever’.

Her DD probably went on and on about it and she got fed up.

She’ll probably be embarrassed about how she spoke to you later.

You sound lovely 🩷

YANBU and it takes a special kind of arsehole to lash out at someone who treated your child for no other reason than they thought the child would enjoy themselves.

And as for "hurt people, hurt people". Being embarrassed because you feel like you can't/won't reciprocate isn't being hurt. That's being embarrassed, and being too immature or petty to behave like most normal people would, by thanking the other parent and maybe offering for their child to come over to watch a movie as they can't reciprocate with a day out.

I’m totally working class and my kids went to school with millionaires, never would I have denied them a day out or experience as I was angry I had to work or couldn’t afford to do the same and never once was I anything but appreciative to the parents

Ah... this is a "take some biscuits around and ask to start again" conversation.

We don't know what caused her to behave like this, but it wasn't anything that you have done.

Time to be the bigger person OP and listen to her. She might be in a difficult situation... or she might be a cunt but its best to make sure first.

What an idiot! She is resented probably exacerbated by her child remarks of best day ever. Poor kid but you keep distance and ignore the crazy.

she told me I shouldn't be spending my husbands money (I'm a sahm) on her child as it makes her feel bad because both her and her husband work but don't have the spare funds.

Well, they do, but have decided to spend those funds on themselves instead given they gave two new Teslas.

Poor kid.

I think it’s fine as long as you aren’t expecting compensation.

the mom was probably processing her own feelings after it being ‘the best day ever’.

my partner and I have a huge discrepancy in income. So if he plans the date he pays, it’s to his comfort level, and same with me. We just alternate dates (or hotel bookings on vacation etc). Same could apply for play dates.

It sounds like she has taken your act of kindness as an act of pity, and is a bit embarrassed she doesn't have the money to take her child to these things or to pay you back.

I would talk to her and explain it all and if she is still rude or put out leave her to it, and it's just unfortunate her kid will now miss out

God she is a bit of a cow isn't she - i would cut back on the playdates.

I wouldn’t cut back on the play dates I would just avoid the mother and taking them anywhere where you have to spend any money. The daughter sounds lovely.

If your kid goes to a fair with someone you send them with some money otherwise you know that other parent will be spending. You can’t get pissed off with someone for not excepting your child to just stand at watch other kids on rides. The husbands money was a nasty dig that just made her look a bit of a twat.

I love how you intentionally snuck in the 'cinema room' part 🤣🤣🤣

Yes, it would clearly have been a far different experience if they just watched Taylor Swift on the knackered living room tv.😀

Is ‘cinema room’ 2024’s ‘room for a pony’?

Rather than focusing on the fact her child had a lovely time, she’s focusing on the fact she feels guilty or a bit shitty as a result.

Those are the kind of feelings most people keep to themselves. By vocalising her feelings she’s come across as rude and ungrateful and it’s only her daughter who’s now going to suffer as a result. You did absolutely nothing wrong. This is all on her.