To wonder why my child isn't invited to the wedding?

[Flywiththebirds]

Bridesmaid to a dear friend next year, along with our other close friend. Each of us (bridesmaids) have a child each. Bride has invited our other friends child to the wedding but not mine? I just find it a bit odd to be honest. I understand people choosing not to have children at their wedding at all, but I find it really odd to invite one of your bridesmaids child and not the other? Id say we are also all close in the same way.

Just wondering if anyone else would feel a little strange about this?

Why is it snakey? Friend might say, "Oh yes I asked if Charlie could be invited too because I can't get childcare." It could be as simple as that.

Just ask her ! If she is a close friend she will have no issues with it

Has she specifically said your child isn't invited? As I would just assume if I were a bridesmaid to a good friends wedding, it's a given my child is coming.
I wouldn't expect her to have an invite in her name only!

If the other friend is not a bridesmaid, this could be the explanation.

I quite honestly would rather the child free day to enjoy my friends wedding especially as a bridesmaid but it is now playing on my mind.

Make sure you're not available to 'just watch her for five minutes' during the day, she's her mother's responsibility totally.

Totally this. You’re close enough to be in her wedding party but you’re hesitating over a simple conversation that doesn’t have to be confrontational? Stop being such a wet lettuce and have a grown up chat with someone who obviously thinks a lot of you as she’s asked you to her bridesmaid 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yeah this is a really odd scenario, I can see why you’re miffed. But if as you say you’d rather enjoy the day without your child there, I wouldn’t bring it up. She might turn round and say ‘yeah of course you can bring them!’ And you said yourself you don’t really mind.

I would not be able to go to the wedding knowing my child was that upset about being left out. It would be different if it was a child-free wedding, but to leave out specific children is kind of cruel. I would have to ask the bride what her reason was for doing this.

I would also be confused and upset by this, but I would definitely ask her why. If you are a close friend it’s a conversation you should be able to have with her.
I’ve been to 2 weddings of close friends where no children were invited. For both, I left at around 5 so I could be back in time to put DS to bed and didn’t stay for the evening. I explained to the brides what I’d be doing beforehand and they were a bit disappointed but ultimately understood. Similarly, you should be able to talk to your friend about this situation honestly, as the bride may have no idea it’s causing you stress, and it potentially could be explained/sorted out quite simply.

I assume it's a mistake Op. Hope you get sorted.

This is good. I know people can invite who they want to their wedding, but unless there’s something else going on here, it’s bizarre to invite her same age child and not yours!

I hope asking her works out OK. Pls let us know x

The only person who knows why your child hasn’t been invited is your friend, the bride (it’ll either be on purpose or an error). Ask her to clarify, no point in speaking to the other bridesmaid, she may not know, or has mistakenly thought her child is invited. Just ask the bride - it’s not confrontation to double check. And enjoy the wedding.

You’re going to have to speak to her. If you don’t I guarantee it will come out one day, possibly after a few large vodkas. Mind you I think I’d be pulling out of being a Bridesmaid. Even if it meant losing the friendship. It’s okay people on here saying. It’s her Wedding she can invite who she likes but when it’s your own getting singled out you do get pissed off!

Call your friend out by saying 'xxx is wondering why she/he's not invited when xxx is' Is your friend not just expecting your child to be there with you being bridesmaid? Or has the child of the other bridesmaid had their own invite so it's obvious they're invited?
Either way I'd ask why my child wasn't invited. You're obviously close friends to be asked to be her bridesmaid so it shouldn't be a hard conversation with a close friend.

You need to find out if other children are invited as you could get there and find everyone has their kids there.

my mum and stepdad drove back from Germany to south wales for family wedding and told no kids. The four of went to our maternal grandparents (infinitely better for us)
parents got to wedding and found all the nieces and nephews running about. They were fuming as ok maybe no step kids but I was oldest at 12 years old but my other siblings were stepdad’s kids so actual blood relatives. All blew up and they didn’t stay long. Also meant we got picked up early from grandparents - boo 😒

it will irk you if you don’t know reason. Plus it’s not harsh other kids talking about it. So definitely do some snooping

As previous posters have suggested, if you are close friends just ask her. Tell her you are a bit hurt that you have been treated differently - I would definitely ask a close friend in this situation. I wouldn’t go in all guns blazing; just ask why the difference. We all know weddings are expensive and stressful, but the double standards are a bit odd.

@Flywiththebirds what did you decide to do
in the end? Did you ask the bride or speak to the other bridesmaid?

Not your wedding. Not your decision.

assume the best.

Ask her! I bet it’s a mistake and your kid is invited. So odd otherwise

Ask the bride. I had something similar recently and messaged the bride and it turned out to be an IT error with the online invites. Both kids (mine and a friend’s) were in fact invited. As you can imagine my friend and I had got into a right state when we realised only one of our children (similar age) had been invited and went through all sorts of reasons why it might be. It wasn’t any of them of course, it was an error.

Have you actually asked her yet?