To wonder why my child isn't invited to the wedding?

[Flywiththebirds]

Bridesmaid to a dear friend next year, along with our other close friend. Each of us (bridesmaids) have a child each. Bride has invited our other friends child to the wedding but not mine? I just find it a bit odd to be honest. I understand people choosing not to have children at their wedding at all, but I find it really odd to invite one of your bridesmaids child and not the other? Id say we are also all close in the same way.

Just wondering if anyone else would feel a little strange about this?

Are you going to answer the very pertinent question as to whether either of their dads are going to be there?

Maybe it's bridesmaid plus one and your us a partner and hers a child. Or maybe other BM has a partner who can look after child kn the day but you don't leaving yours unsupervised?

That's just weird. I'd have to ask.

Are you sure it’s not just a mistake?

In those situations you just have to ask, I’ve had a wedding invitation for me and my girls and not my DH- accident! But did make us wonder what he’d done to upset her.

and a wedding invite, addressed to me, my wild toddler and my DH - not my angelic 5 year old - again it was just a mistake

The op states they are both bridesmaids!

How are you close enough to be her bridesmaid, but not close enough to ask why your child hasn't been invited when the other one has?

@Spirallingdownwards I didn't see this comment but I did previously mention we as bridesmaids are in the exact same position, if there was an obvious reason or answer I wouldn't be finding it weird or odd and came to a forum to ask. That would seem like a fairly obvious reason, which it's not the case.

@catin8oots I know. I would like to but I feel a bit odd now about it that I would usually feel comfortable asking and now feel a bit distant.

To be honest asking on here has made me feel worse "she just doesn't want your child there" that's a truly horrible feeling and id have declined in the begining if she actually said that to me, which I'm sure she would not have.

Have you spoken to the other bridesmaid whose child is invited? It may be that she asked the bride if she could bring them due to childcare or some other issue? X

I too would ask, it may be an error.

I would ask her. You don’t need to be confrontational about it but just say, I noticed X’s child is invited but not mine? And see what she says. If she’s close enough friend to be bridesmaid for surely that’s something you could say?

I would definitely just ask. Maybe frame it as does my invitation include (dd name) as I understand from BM she is bringing (their child name).

If you're close enough to be bridesmaid for her, you can definitely say 'just clarifying whether X is invited to the wedding, as X (other bridesmaid) mentioned that X (her child) is?'

@spannered no I haven't but I think your right I think that's probably my best bet. We are all really close it's made me feel a bit strange but I will most likely ask her incase I'm missing something?

Why not just ask her instead of randoms on line then deciding if will impact your friendship, just pick up the phone. You proclaim to be close. Hey Mabel, what’s going on with invites. See little George isn’t invited.

use your words. With her.

Maybe they none of them were invited and then the bridesmaids asked if they could be invited so she did and since you haven't asked she hasn't invited yours.

Just ask her, she's a friend. Or ask the bridesmaids what they think.

What do you mean 'most likely'?

If you're all 'really close', I can't believe you haven't spoken to her already.

Is the other friend a single parent/ has no childcare, so would be unable to attend the wedding without her DC? Is the other friend a family member?

@TwattyMcFuckFace I didn't make myself bridesmaid, she asked me obviously.

But yeah, I'm just not that confrontational and I think more so because it's her wedding and things can really be blown out of proportion with weddings and I don't want to do that. I'm thinking of speaking to my other friend though (the bridesmaid who's child is invited) and see if she can shed any light.

You'd just invite both children in that case surely?

Are you sure the other child is actually invited ?

@Prawncow no she's not a family member and won't struggle with childcare..neither of us are single parents but if anything I would struggle more with childcare as I have less family support or less able family members to help out around the time of her wedding.

(Id make it work though it's not the point I feel like you just make it work with childcare if your best friends are getting married and your in the wedding party).

This. You don't have to be confrontational about it.

If there is an issue with your children specifically and this is a close friend and you all see a lot of each other surely you'd want to iron it out??

Eh? I'm not sure what you mean by you didn't make yourself bridesmaid, unless you meant to tag someone else?

Either way, why on earth would you be confrontational?

Literally no-one has suggested that.

It's being suggested that you speak to the bride who you're 'really close' with.

Just basic communication, not confrontation.

I completely agree.

Is your other friend a single mum?

Anything you can guess at?

@PoppingTomorrow yeah I completely agree but I honestly cannot see it be my child being an issue as I swear something would have been said before now and there has never ever been any notable situation.

Also if I'm close enough for her to ask me to be a bridesmaid surely I'm close enough for her to either tell me there is an issue with my child.

Yeah I would definitely want to iron it out but I genuinely can't see it being my child being an issue at all, if that were the case if he very surprised and we would not be friends, she's always complimentary anor my child so I'm almost certain this isn't the issue.