To think friend is jealous over weightloss?

[walkthroughtulips]

I have a friend who seems to be in competition with me (just the impression I’ve got over the last couple of years). It’s silly as subjectively she definitely has the better life.

I don’t see her on her own anymore and it’s always a small group of us. We definitely are not as close as we were.

Met up last weekend as a group and I’ve started medication (prescribed by doctor) for weight loss and I’ve lost a stone very quickly. I had to tell them as I really couldn’t eat or drink much from the medication.

Friend is slim (at a guess I’d say 6 stone lighter than me) and she will rarely message me and yesterday she messaged to ask how the weight loss is going …. Am I reading into this too much? I feel like I just want to believe the good in people and I also wish I’d said nothing.

Absolutely this. I have friends of all shapes and sizes but they are my friends because I like them and we get on regardless of what they or I look like

Op seems to be in competition with her friends or she's delulu. I have a small friend group and we're always so happy for each others accomplishments, from weight loss to buying a house. We dont all have the same tastes or even hobbies but thats what makes us friends. They say mean girls never grow up and leave that mentality.

I think I would be curious if a friend said she was on weightless drugs. Just because they are in the press a lot at the minute and you hear a lot about them but I don't know anyone who is actually taking them. I'm into health and nutrition and find it to be an interesting development. I still probably wouldn't say anything to friend though unless I knew she wouldn't be touchy about it, weight can be a controversial topic.

Like others have said you know your friend best though so are probably best placed to judge her intentions.

She's clearly making an effort? but maybe if there is something in your thought process, they also have worries regarding weight and body issues?. I've seen some of the responses on this thread and I'm disappointed. The "I've been overweight and I know what you mean" I'm currently what most people would consider slim, however I know I'm not slim for me I was 8 stone and now I'm over 9 stone. To some people this wouldn't be much of an issue and people laugh when I mention it, but it matters to me. Slim friends arnt jealous of weight loss, why would they be? It's not your slim friends fault they are slim people and they are allowed to have body image problems aswell.

Or you were always jealous that she didn't need to lose any? Because honestly as a slim person, I'm disappointed that you feel the only thing attracting you as friend to this person is your weight?
She wanted you around so that she could look better? You think everyone is that shallow?
I couldn't care less about what people think about the way I look and I sure as hell hope that my friends of all sizes think more of themselves as people than to think I only want them around to look better.

Personally I think your self esteem issues are the problem in this relationship OP and I genuinely hope you can work through them and see yourself for the person you are inside. Looks and material possessions are superficial side effects of life. Appreciate yourself more

I've noticed a very strange side-effect of the 'weight loss' drugs or even bariatric surgery, in that a lot of people seem to be annoyed by them.

Because they lead to 'easy' weight loss which isn't in fact easy as the side effects can be terrible, but a lot of people seem to want fat people to suffer losing weight.

They want to see self-denial, misery and punishing work-out schedules and only then, will they respect the weight loss.

Hmm I'm really skinny and have a few friends who struggle with their weight and I don't even consider it as a fleeting thought. If they were to lose weight I'd be right behind them. If your friend does have a stick up her arse it's unlikely jealousy of your weight loss as such but more that she's an asshole. One colleague had a gastric sleeve and I was really excited to see the transformation, it's been amazing so I was interested, and kept in touch during that year more than I normally would. Cheering her on really. You need to ask yourself if this person really is a friend or foe in more general terms

Such a weird mindset isn't it.
Like when a lot of the older generation think women should go through vaginal childbirth with no pain relief etc. Why!? There's something sadistic about wanting others to suffer, rather than being glad there are better ways now.

I agree.

I've seen it a lot since Ozempic/wegovy becoming well known.

Celebrities or just members of the public who have an active social media account. Some "you look great, congratulations" comments but an awful lot of "ozempic" comments. It's bizarrely seen as 'cheating'.

I think you’re being a bit self-obsessed OP; it is highly likely she’s just interested in your journey. If she’s a complete cow, that would be different, but nothing in your posts suggests that she is?

There are also Office Feeders people who bring g in sweets and cakes but don't eat any themselves. People are then obliged to eat the cakes and sweets .Strange people!

I have read all your posts

You don’t sound that nice a friend either tbh. You haven’t said one thing about this so called friend that you actually like. You are trying very hard to get people to help you find the bad in her over a comment that may or may not have some more meaning than a simple text.

Im not sure of this is your own insecurity and jealousy or you just aren’t a great friend but maybe just move on from this group as it’s not really bringing you any joy.

Bit mean

Did you conveniently miss out the part that we have massively drifted apart? I likely wouldn’t even consider her a friend BUT I like the other two in the group very much. We now don’t all live in the same city so meet ups don’t happen anywhere near as often so I wouldn’t want to miss out on seeing them.

Did she at least comment on how good you look or how much weight you've lost? If not it would seem strange to just message out of the blue. Is it something you both spoke about at all?

It's not uncommon for people with better lives to be jealous or make snide comments. I think some people just don't grow out of the mean girl thing.

A friend once told me I was still fat after weight loss when I was just over 8 stone and about size 6-8.

edit* I forgot to say she was slightly smaller.

I do get that sometimes women can be very competitive over looks and everything really. And if that changes it can change the dynamics between friends.

But, if you are having to go to your GP to get medical help to lose weight then I assume you are fairly overweight? In which case the 1st stone (although congrats to you) is not remotely noticeable and is obviously the easiest stone to lose.

So I can't see that jealously is in play here.
I imagine she feels awkward mentioning it as obviously you are Unhappy with your weight and want to be slimmer (like she is)?

Did you read any of the thread beyond the first post?

@walkthroughtulips

I did.

Did you read any of the other posts (other than your own?)

It's just I don't agree with your projection onto your friend/not friend.

You've a long way to go until you are slim, at the moment it's a pipe dream, I would be like me saying "my friend is jealous I'm going to be rich and famous because I've applied to be on BGT"
Good luck either way, don't go looking for drama/roadblocks/difficulties when there aren't any. People can drift apart or not want to be friends for a million reasons, doesn't have to be anything to do with your current weight or the weight you are aiming to be.

You clearly didn’t. I’ve said numerous times the weight loss is not noticeable. I’ve never been unable any illusion that it was:

And actually weighing myself tonight I’ve now lost 23lbs so you can piss off with your “it’s easy to lose the first stone”.

I’ve also clearly said multiple times I don’t think she’s jealous.

No idea what you’re talking about with me thinking a friendship has drifted due to weight. It drifted long before that.

You're really prickly, OP. Just forget so-called friend (and this thread?) and enjoy your weight loss.

You can forget the thread and stop commenting?

Of course I can. But then I'm not the one asking for opinions on a public forum.

You aren’t clear at all what the issue is though OP and that poster is right you are so chippy and rude it sort of makes it clear why your ‘not friend who you don’t care about’ might not be so keen.

muting this now.

I get you @walkthroughtulips I honestly don't think that slim people are usually jealous a fat person losing a couple of stone or more. But a few are. I have experienced (in the past) when I have been 12 or 13 stone - and I started to drop to 11 and a half stone, then 11 stone, then 10 and a half stone, then 10 stone; a few of my 8 and a half and nine stone friends and colleagues etc starting to get a bit snippy, and telling me to stop losing weight as it 'doesn't suit me.'

Like you said, some slim people, especially perma slim - seem to get a bit antsy and snippy and irked when their 'fat friends' start to get slimmer, especially if they are a little bit prettier than them. They don't want them to be more appealing to look at than they are. You've had a really hard time on this thread. I get you. I know what you're talking about.

But I think that maybe people are probably having a go at you because they don't feel jealous of fat people losing weight. But yeah, some people definitely are jealous and don't like their fat mate losing weight, and having a new confidence, and GASP! looking better than they do themselves!!!

You (and I mean this as kindly as I can) sound a bit bat-shit.

You and you not-a-friend aren't actually friends anymore and you expect her to give a shit because you've started a weight loss program.

She (quite normally for a person who isn't friends with you) isn't gushing over your weight loss (which as you say isn't noticeable) and you take to the internet to anonymously slag her off.

I mean, I can see why she drifted away from you, as you say, it was way before you started your weigh loss program, so probably was to do with your personality rather than the number on the scales.