To think friend is jealous over weightloss?

[walkthroughtulips]

I have a friend who seems to be in competition with me (just the impression I’ve got over the last couple of years). It’s silly as subjectively she definitely has the better life.

I don’t see her on her own anymore and it’s always a small group of us. We definitely are not as close as we were.

Met up last weekend as a group and I’ve started medication (prescribed by doctor) for weight loss and I’ve lost a stone very quickly. I had to tell them as I really couldn’t eat or drink much from the medication.

Friend is slim (at a guess I’d say 6 stone lighter than me) and she will rarely message me and yesterday she messaged to ask how the weight loss is going …. Am I reading into this too much? I feel like I just want to believe the good in people and I also wish I’d said nothing.

Because it came over as quite a not
very nice and just not needed. Would you tell someone who has given up drinking don’t be too happy about it as many start drinking again and end up drinking even more

Maybe you haven’t experienced the negativity from people close to you when you have lost/losing weight or the over interest that doesn’t seem sincere but it happens to others

I've already posted in the thread that I have experienced this but not from losing one stone it would be unnoticeable to 99% of people if you are 7 stone overweight

For all those saying its only a stone weightloss and why would she be jealous when she's already slim etc.

I hadn't been married (like my friend) for 20 years when I'd been seeing my new boyfriend for 8 weeks either.

It didn't stop her hitting on him at every opportunity, making really odd comments to both me and him or imploding the friendship group.

People who don't behave like this can't understand people who do. You might not feel threatened or whatever it is they're experiencing but some people do.

And some people will have a problem if they're insecure and their self esteem is hierarchical and the way they feel good about themselves is by believing they are better than someone else.

The OP might have got it wrong but, if she is right, it's a really upsetting and destabilising position to be in so a bit of kindness probably wouldn't go amiss.

That’s you as a person though, so it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist whether you get it or not.

Totally not the point of the thread but what is the medication? Is it the new injectable thing?

Also, I do get what you mean OP but it’s still hard to know so maybe just be on your guard with her.

If you have only lost a stone and it isn't noticable, she is very unlikely to be threatened by you as yet. Especially as she is slim herself. I really think you are making a lot about nothing.

I completely agree with you, she sounds very much like someone who likes to have someone less successful in their life to make them feel better about themselves. It’s a definite thing. And then if the other person becomes more successful they don’t like it because their self worth is based on comparing themselves to the person they perceive to be less successful.

Sorry this is going to be a long boring thread as I’m tired of repeating myself.

I do NOT think she’s jealous of me losing weight, not 1lb or even 100lbs.

I already said I probably shouldn’t have said jealous (do people not bother to even just read the OPs comments?!).

i mean it could be bothering her that there’s potential I might not be the token fat friend. Some people genuinely get a boost in confidence from being the better looking person.

She is a competitive person. She’s even told me this about another mutual friend that “she beats her”. A lot of things are about money and material. When I bought my house the first question was “how many bedrooms and how much was it” when I got my new job the question was instantly about my salary. Another man I speak to she try’s to shut it down so quick.

Please read my previous comments.

Thanks, I tried to keep my messages as vague as possible with a “it’s going ok, able to eat more”.

I don’t really want to name the medication as I don’t want to promote anything. But there a lot of information about different types now (tablet and injection) - those that are approved just for weight loss and not diabetic medication.

Congratulations on your weight loss. You're overthinking this, especially since you're not even close.

Did you want people to say she's a jealous and shallow bitch? Because it sounds like that's what you're after.

It's striking how many people on here have so-called friends they don't seem to like much.

Unfortunately there are some friends (and often family) whom we can’t share our goals with. They will sabotage them because they have you in a box and you are not supposed to leave that box and better yourself. They’ll throw out phrases like “you’ve changed” (said scornfully), or accuse you of arrogance and becoming stuck up because you dared to go after what you want in life without consulting them.

It’s best to avoid telling these people anything about your goals and just let the results speak for themselves.

Well done on the weight loss.

Thanks, I tried to keep my messages as vague as possible with a “it’s going ok, able to eat more”.

OP I wouldn’t reply anything with the words eating or food, it will lead to more questions. If you reply a simple ‘all in track thanks’ or something like that.

It’s not jealousy as much as feeling threatened. OP’s friend has always beeen the slim one.

I’ve been there OP. One of my best friends has an amazing figure, but always wants to lose about a stone. She tried Ozempic but couldn’t take it. I’m over 10 stone heavier than her and I told her I’d been prescribed it after years and years of trying to lose weight.
Her response was “oh great, now I’m going to be the fat friend”. I was so taken aback that I didn’t know what to say. I did ring her a few days later and have it out with her….her husband was also completely disgusted with her. She apologised etc. but it’s totally changed the way I feel about her.

What medication is it?

Some people have real issues with using certain types of medication for weight loss, so perhaps it was this that annoyed her.

However, it sounds like she’s been being distant for a while now and so unless you’ve been steadily losing weight then perhaps it’s something else instead.

That’s fucking horrendous. I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Hope she was embarrassed.

I think only people who have experienced weight loss will understand.

Please don't listen to the posters who are faux confused, typical mn pile on and EXACTLY the kind of people who sound like your aqaintance.

Sounds like she's probing as a bit envious. It's like this: two people, one overweight, one slim. People naturally hold slim people in higher esteem as it seems like they have self-control (Please note, some people, not everyone). So if those two people were on a level playing field weight-wise, you can bet your bottom dollar the originally slim person will have less to offer in terms of personality and conversation than the previously overweight person as they have never had to try as hard.

Therefore, they feel threatened.

The beauty is that this "friend" is nothing to do with you or your weight-loss. She doesn't care for you as you don't care for her so minimal answers with regards to your efforts. She's prolly trying to figure out a) if you're serious and b) if you're going to come out shining in all your wonderful glory (which you obvs are).

I was always the fat but pretty and extremely funny friend. Some of my old friends have abandoned me since losing weight. My true friends are thrilled that I bettered myself in terms of health and the good times roll.

Ditch her, what a tiresome bore! And very proud of you for starting on your journey of health x

@walkthroughtulips I know what you mean about the “underdog friend”. I had a friend, a best friend really, who never seemed to be happy for me when I accomplished something or something was going well for me. She seemed to prefer it when I was unhappy and struggling. I’ve really got my shit together this past year after a long period of depression and I noticed an increase in subtly snide comments and backhanded compliments, or just a general disinterest in something exciting in my life I wanted to share with her like getting an interview for a job that would allow me to break into my dream sector. It’s almost as if she was thinking, hang on, my deadbeat fucked up friend is moving up in the world and could potentially end up happier/with a better quality of life than me.

There were other things too, like cancelling on me last minute on my birthday, or telling me my cat (I.e. the most important thing in the world to me) had weird eyes , it was like she wanted to hurt me. I eventually realised that almost every interaction with her made me feel like shit.

It’s hard to explain to other people without sounding like you’re overthinking things. But when you know someone well and it becomes a pattern, you can just tell.

Absolutely agree, it can be so subtle, but if you know, you know.

Don't let her stand in your way!

Absolutely agree, it can be so subtle, but if you know, you know.

Don't let her stand in your way!

From one messsge? No. But if that's all she talks about from here on maybe.
I have a friend who was once heavier but has been slim for years. I on the other hand seemed to have just gained. She's very disciplined and runs. I occasionally bump in to her on her runs while walking my dogs and she'll say something like 'need to do another few circuits to get my steps in'. But if I on another occasion say I need to up my steps, suddenly it's 'oh steps don't really matter'. If I go over hers for a drink she'll put out nuts or crisps and if I hand the bowl back over to her she says 'oh no thanks you have it'. I don't think she does it on purpose but I do wonder if she's subconsciously more comfortable if I'm the 'fat one'.

As a female population, are we really still doing the "someone thinks they're better because they're slimmer" thing? Do people still behave like that?

It really isn't a competition, and if it is - get new friends.

I'm bigger than my best friend, always have been and probably always will be. She is a tiny human. The only reason the woman would care about my weight loss is for the health benefits because she cares, or because she'd assume I wanted to now talk about the gym and my carb intake or whatever.

The woman could just be both supportive and slim.

Oh it really is a thing. I was with my sister and her friends and they were booking a holiday together and they were all competing who would have the best body on holiday. I told my mum about it as in a "can you believe how silly that is" and she looked at me and said "imagine what they most think about you!" People are very naive if they don't think this is a thing.

Why are you even friends with her? It doesn’t sound like you like her very much.

”Jealous; competitive; probably thinks I’m the token fat friend” etc.