Should my 10 year old be preparing his own meals?

[Bumblebun]

I have a son who just recently turned 10 and I’ve began to realise he doesn’t have much responsibilities.

I still make all of his meals, take him to school and pick him up from his childminders house, tidy his room, prepare his clothes, do his hair, wake him up and prepare his baths…I know 😖 It hasn’t ever dawned on me that he should be doing this himself and I think naturally as I do everything (single mum) I just get on with it without a thought.

AIBU for thinking he should have some more independence now?
Im just about to make a chores chart but I’m curious…

What responsibilities does your 10 year old have?

The baths and hair he should be doing himself, for sure.
Meals? Hardly. Don’t you eat as a family anyway?

My dd12 doesn't prepare her own meals, usually just due to time constraints. She is responsible for tidying her room, cleaning the bathroom once per week and helping me do a clean on a weekend (for about 30mins).

Meals is a weird one to pick. Surely you eat together.

He can wash himself and keep his room tidy.

Why have you plumped for making his own meals when he doesn't tidy his own room?

I might involve him in cooking and food prep but as a fun activity and teaching him rather than expecting him to actually sort his own dinner out. He's probably a bit young for that.

I'm sure he can tidy his room a bit though

I wouldn’t expect him to make all his own meals. I’d expect him to make his own breakfast though and at least help with lin b and tea sometimes. Do you eat tea separately? I’d start with a couple of chores to get him used to it, then increase it when he’s doing them consistently and properly without you having to remind him all the time. Otherwise I suspect it’ll all be too much too quickly and he won’t do any of it.

Wouldn't it make more sense to get him to do all the basics first?

When I was ten I had to do chores to earn my pocket money (and learn life skills along the way). I had to:

• Get myself up, washed and dressed in the morning, including my hair
• Get my own clothes ready the night before I needed to wear them
• Make sure that my dirty clothes were in the laundry basket once worn
• Help make tea on a Friday night (e.g. peel the potatoes)
• Hoover the downstairs on a Saturday morning
• Do the drying up after tea during the week
• Feed the cats their breakfast and dinner at the weekend

Also I had to keep my own room tidy, that wasn't attached to my pocket money, it was something my mum insisted on. In fact I would get told off if I didn't because it made it more difficult for her to clean in there, also no one wants a messy house do they.

I seem to remember also washing the car once in a while, but I am fairly sure there was a pocket money top up for that - probably 50p or something!

My 11 year old makes her lunch (packed lunch for school), tidies her bedroom, packs up her own stuff for activities. I support her to do this. She can’t do her own hair - it’s too long. She can cook a meal but we cook a family dinner. She can make her own bits for snacks if she needs.

Start small? Could he have a shower himself? Could you help him prepare the night before for the next day: teach him to brush his hair.

My dd has recently turned 11, she tidies her room, puts her laundry away (I put in on her bed), showers herself, does her own hair, gets herself dressed in whatever she wants to wear etc

I do wake her up in the morning and do her meals but from September she'll be responsible for getting herself up and doing her own breakfast and then walking to school alone.

Mine can make himself breakfast or a sandwich, use the microwave, toaster etc. Doesn't use the oven or hob unsupervised. I say "can" because 8/10 he will still ask me to do it for him.

His chores include tidying and hoovering his own bedroom, clearing his plates, tidying his own mess etc and anything adhoc I ask him to do things like the recycling, popping to the shop for me, tidying up, putting away laundry, sorting laundry in to categories for the wash. He sometimes does dishes but makes so much mess but I think he should be doing it really.

I have a 10yo.
He cleans his room.
I do laundry, he folds and puts away.
He washes himself, and does teeth, and takes care of his invisalign.
He cooks simple meals - can fry an egg, and similar. Brings me coffee in the morning.
He walks and feeds the dogs.
Walks to and from his acitvities.

When I say make his own meals I meant breakfast.

My eldest could and did cook family meals at 10. My youngest isn't at all interested and only very occasionally even helps with food prep. I would focus on keeping room tidy etc and maybe a regular job like emptying the dishwasher. To be honest though, my 10 year old doesn't do much as he is at after school clubs most days.

My 10 year old doesn’t make meals but jobs he and his sister have are things like -
emptying dishwasher, laying table, making bed and taking sheets of the bed when they are washed, recycling. At weekends they help cuts veggies for meals.
His sister age (just) 14 does basic meals - stuff in the oven, pasta and sauce, scrambled eggs but not much beyond that.

My 9yo tidies his room (when I ask), gets his own breakfast and runs his own baths. He also puts his own dry laundry away and gets the dog up in the morning to let her out for a wee. I'd say that kind of thing is age-appropriate helping.

Why would he have to cook his own meals?🤔

You should teach him how to wash himself and do his hair. You could also teach him to clean his room, and perhaps link it to pocket money.

Yes he should be able to make breakfast. What does he have?

He should be able to get himself showered. He should tidy his own room and clear up his own mess around the house. My kids 8 & 10 empty the dishwasher, sort the clean pants and socks and will occasionally hoover if in a willing mood. My daughter is always keen to cook and I have taught her simple dishes but I don’t expect her to prepare her own meals other than getting her own cereal out.

Oh and he will prep his own bag for swimming, rugby etc and is responsible for emptying wet muddy stuff out and cleaning his boots (which he is not good at remembering to do)

It depends what he's having.

If it's pancakes, or waffles or egg bread then he would probably need you to do that. Or at least teach him.

If it's pouring cornflakes from the packet into a bowl then yes, he should be able to do that himself.

At 10, I'd have expected him to tidy his room, get his own clothes out and on, do his own hair, set an alarm clock, run his own bath, get his own breakfast, make his own packed lunch if he has one, set the table, help out occasionally with say a bit of cooking (eg stir a sauce, cook veg in microwave, put food in or take out of oven), serving up food, unloading dishwasher, getting the clothes off the line, hoovering his room. Basically doing stuff for himself and then helping out with some family chores rather than assuming you will do everything.

@SometimesMaybe

thats helpful.

I think I will start small.
He is currently undergoing an assessment for ASD (which is mild) and sometimes can find some things a challenge so I think naturally I just do everything to make it easier; but I will implement some of these idea. Thank you

We both work from home

However my 10 year old cycles to and from school

When he get home he makes his own food either ham and cheese wraps, fish finger sandwiches etc.

He does his homework and empties his bag.

He packs his own school snacks,picks out his own clothes.

He needs to put a wash on every morning before school

He makes a simple meal for the whole family once a week.

He has to put dirty dishes in the dishwasher and unload if he is asked.

He hoovers the stairs on a Saturday

We are a team

Very similar here. I also expect her to help feed dogs, care for the livestock.