Should my 10 year old be preparing his own meals?

[Bumblebun]

I have a son who just recently turned 10 and I’ve began to realise he doesn’t have much responsibilities.

I still make all of his meals, take him to school and pick him up from his childminders house, tidy his room, prepare his clothes, do his hair, wake him up and prepare his baths…I know 😖 It hasn’t ever dawned on me that he should be doing this himself and I think naturally as I do everything (single mum) I just get on with it without a thought.

AIBU for thinking he should have some more independence now?
Im just about to make a chores chart but I’m curious…

What responsibilities does your 10 year old have?

My 10 year old gets himself up in the mornings, gets his own breakfast, showers himself and gets his own uniform or clothes and is ready by 8.15am when we then walk to school together.

Bath, hair etc - yes
Get his own clothes in the morning, put them away after washing - yes

No to making his own meals - save for getting breakfast cereal or something

I wouldn’t expect my 15 yo to make her meals unless she was at home on her own

My ASD DS is a little younger but doesn't do much by himself yet though can get breakfast. Good thread to remind me that soon he will be 10 and we should be encouraging more independence. Mine loves to be in control and to make plans so think I am going to ask him what he would like to take responsibility for (maybe from list of options) and work with that. Would that work for you?

Blimey you lot are harsh. Putting a wash in, cooking for everyone. At ten he can keep his own room tidy and shower and wash his hair.

At 10 DS would make his own breakfast and packed lunches.

He'd shower himself but would have to be reminded. He would do his turn emptying the dishwasher.

You do need to get him doing things for himself or he won't cope at senior school.

My 10 year old has picked up a lot more chores recently (in exchange for monthly VBucks 🙄). He keeps his room tidy (or is supposed to!), he makes his own breakfast during the week (this one is his choice), he will sometimes feed the dog, will help sort bins for bin day, puts his clean clothes away, hoovers or dusts if I ask him to, showers, cuts his nails, etc. if he needs extra things for a school sports event he will sort those himself and has recently started helping prepare dinner. He has done it 3 times this week with me guiding/supervising. I asked him on Monday if he wanted to make food with me, he said yes and then asked the following 2 nights if he could do it.

I'm a single parent and I do fuck all for my kids 😆
I have a 10 year old boy, he makes his packed lunch for school, gets his own uniform ready, is in charge of his bedroom, basically does most things for himself bar make dinner. His standards are way below mine but it doesn't matter, he's doing it and that's what matters.

That could make organizing himself a challenge and potentially doing things like using a knife can be more difficult. I found it really difficult to organize myself as a child and I was constantly berated for it. I also didn’t really learn how to do it until I was an adult - like an old adult. I’m very conscious now of teaching my kids how to do their own stuff in a nice encouraging way.

I start very small with him - let’s lay out your clothes for tomorrow. What do you think you’ll need? Let’s pack for football / that type of thing. I’m still doing lots of the work but at least he’s getting the idea. I was washing him for ages in the shower but always showing him how to do it and then the other day he finally said - I can do this by myself 😓

There is no point comparing him to some of these posters kids. You can only meet him where he is at. My 5 year old could organise the whole house! Some people just take longer.

My DS was making own breakfast and packed lunch by 10. I would remind him to go for a shower because otherwise it would never happen but he did his own hair etc.
At 10 many are able to have household's chores too.
Also my DS is diagnosed ASD.

My 9yo does a fair bit.
Clearing and scraping plates. Loading and unloading the dishwasher. Makes her own packed lunch, and toast/snacks.
Cleans her own room. Feeds the cats and is in charge of the litter tray (only way I'd agree to kittens, and she's done really well being responsible)
Does her own bath/shower/hair washing and it better at styling her hair than me.

My just turned 11 year old is expected to-
wash and dress herself
sort her own hair out most of the time
get packed for school and trips
keep her room under control
make breakfast and her lunch fairly often
dishwasher and feed our cat when asked

No, he’s 10. If he can’t do anything else, it seems a little ambitious to start him preparing his own meals, don’t you think?

Around that age my son was in charge of his own personal hygiene, but might need reminding about going for a shower.
He also got dressed without help and generally managed his own things.

He emptied the dishwasher, returned all crockery/cutlery he used to the dishwasher when he was done with it.
He made his own breakfast, made things like a sandwich, toasted sandwich, cheese on toast etc.. as snacks or a weekend lunch if that was what he wanted.
A couple of times a month he would cook a dinner with me or make something else like bread, cheesecake, homemade pizza (teaching him how to do it, including learning how to use the oven etc... but completely supervised/helped).

He kept his own bedroom clean, was expected to return any toys/gadgets etc.. he'd left lying around the house to his room before he went to bed, stripped his own bed and chucked the bedding down the stairs for me to wash once a week and put all his laundry in the laundry basket.
Once cleaned by me, he put his own clothes away in his cupboards/drawers.

He also took a bin bag around the house on bin night and emptied the wastepaper baskets into it, then chucked them into the outside bin, along with the bin bag from the kitchen.

This thread….!

OP he’s ten. Of course you do a lot for him.

For sure, getting dressed, tidying his room, sorting cereal out seem reasonable…but who really expects their ten year old to be sorting the family washing, preparing main meals, doing the ironing unless there is no other option?! I’m all for teaching self reliance but some of these lists are Dickensian!

Mine

• dresses himself, does his own baths/showers, hair
• gets his own breakfast
• feeds and cleans out his pets
• hangs out laundry, sorts laundry, puts washing away
• does the washing up
• goes to the shop for milk/bread

A 10-year-old should certainly able to make himself a sandwich, make toast, get himself cereal and, necessary, heat up a tin of beans or something. I wouldn’t expect them to be cooking a family meal though!

I don’t have kids but the sorts of things I used to do at 10 were:

• tidying my own room
• running my own baths
• getting my own clothes ready
• making cups of tea for everyone
• pet care - eg feeding and grooming the dogs, feeding and cleaning out rabbits etc
• setting the table
• ad hoc bits of washing up
• getting myself cereal, a sandwich or occasionally beans on toast

I remember occasionally being asked to help out with a bit of dusting, or wiping down kitchen worktops, maybe?

But I definitely wasn’t cooking main meals for people, doing the ironing or putting loads of washing on!

At that age, my 10 year old could do the family laundry, ironing and gardening. He could prepare three course meals from scratch, feed and walk our 3 dogs and 4 cats before going to school in the morning, and knit his own clothes from fine, sheep’s wool. At the age of 11, he got a part-time job, and was helping pay off a good chunk of the family mortgage. If you don’t start them on the right path early, they’ll grow up lazy and entitled and never amount to much.

😂

9 year old in our home deep cleans his own room every 2 weeks, keeps it tidy generally. Wakes up to alarm, makes bed, makes own breakfast, gets showered, gets dressed. Does own hair, opens blinds, gets water bottle and snack ready for the day. Watches tv and plays with the baby until we are ready to leave.
Unloads dishwasher, lays the table at dinnertime and clears the table afterwards. Makes morning coffee for DH and I at the weekend.
Does chores around the house to earn extra money. Loves the responsibility and choosing what to spend the money on.
None of my child friends do any of this though. I think it depends on the child too.

Partly because we’re an ND household, I’ve moved away from the concept of chores and tried to encourage the dc to look and see what needs doing, or join in and help with what’s being done. I’m hoping to cultivate a sense of work as a form of care and companionship. There was a lot of shame and resentment around chores when I was growing up and I don’t want to pass that on.

I teach them skills that they need to know, and they teach me stuff too. But I’m largely letting them follow their interests. Dd started taking a lot of pride in keeping her room tidy at 12, after years of messiness. But I’ve never made a fuss about it, just offered to help, or keep her company and chat while she tidied.

She can cook, and did all of the meals when I had Covid. She cooked more at 10 than she does now at 13, and that’s ok. We get a lovely weekend brunch now and then.

I feel it’s time enough taking on the relentless drudgery when they’re adults. So I’m happy to fill in around them, for now.

Haha! This thread is classic mumsnet! Someone will be along soon to say their three year old cooks a 3 course meal every Sunday....

Honestly, just start encouraging him to develop his self care skills, keep his room tidyish and maybe lay the table or such like.

All this talk of cooking meals, putting washes on etc is bonkers!

@Bumblebun don’t panic!

Mine are much older (23, 21 and 17). There is a common misconception that if children don’t start learning chores early on, they will turn into lazy feckless adults. My older two weren’t that interested in cooking when they were younger in spite of me encouraging them. They did bits and pieces, cleared the table, emptied the dishwasher etc. Kept their rooms tidy. Oldest was quite messy as a young teen but in recent years she’s become very tidy!

Middle one has come on leaps and bounds since starting uni. She can now cook a range of healthy meals, clean a bathroom and so on. Long term it really doesn’t matter if they develop these skills at 10 or 20.

They’ve got their whole adult lives ahead for doing chores.

My 7 year old:

• makes his own breakfast (supervised if using the hob to cook porridge or pancakes)
• will sometimes help me make sandwiches or cut salad/fruit.
• is supposed to tidy his room & put his laundry away but does a pretty bad job of it
• helps unload and load the dishwasher
• washes his own hair with bar shampoo in the bath. He can also draw his own bath but is heavy handed with the bubbles.

Some of these 10 year olds sound like the kids from The Waltons! I would say the average 10 year old can wash and dress themselves and pack their school bag (though in primary this won't be too onerous). Also help out with simple chores eg laying the table etc. However I wouldn't expect much more of a 10 year old. Putting a wash on??? Hoovering?? At 10? So many students only learn how to do this at university!
I suppose I was spoiled a bit by my parents in that respect when I was a child and it did me no harm...I'm a fully functioning adult. Don't stress OP...

There’s a 5 year old who cleans toilets. I’m sure it’s only a matter of time before a three year old who cooks three course meals crops up.