Should my 10 year old be preparing his own meals?

[Bumblebun]

I have a son who just recently turned 10 and I’ve began to realise he doesn’t have much responsibilities.

I still make all of his meals, take him to school and pick him up from his childminders house, tidy his room, prepare his clothes, do his hair, wake him up and prepare his baths…I know 😖 It hasn’t ever dawned on me that he should be doing this himself and I think naturally as I do everything (single mum) I just get on with it without a thought.

AIBU for thinking he should have some more independence now?
Im just about to make a chores chart but I’m curious…

What responsibilities does your 10 year old have?

However I wouldn't expect much more of a 10 year old. Putting a wash on???

Why is this something hard to manage? My kid is 7 and can put his sports kit straight in the machine every weekend and turn it on. Its literally turning a knob to 40 & pressing "start".

My DSes (10 and 12) both have ADHD. They dont have chores as such, just a strong routine which limits how much extra work they create for me.

Coats and shoes and school/sport bags immediately put away. Lunch boxes and water bottles put by the sink.

Dirty clothes sorted into correct laundry box immediately (not dropped on floor).

Clean laundry pile taken to their rooms and put in drawers/wardrobe.

Lay and clear table.

They each bake a cake or biscuits once a week.

Keep their rooms tidy and tidy the living room after playing.

They get washed and dressed with no input from me. This has been from about age 5. It helps that their clothes are always kept tidy so they have no trouble finding anything.

Ad hoc I'll ask them to get the washing in/put away the washing up/put something away for me.

My 10 year old enjoys cooking and will often help me.

They both do their own breakfast and sometimes lunch at the weekend if we're having different things.

5, 7, 9 and 11 here.

All expected to tidy rooms. They help each other.

All help to clear the table after dinner

All was themselves (5 and 7 year still have some help)

All change themselves.

9 and 11 year old walk to school together if they are ready and other 2 aren't.

11 year old walks home alone.

9 and 11 year old will go to the local shop if needed. (We live next door)

7, 9 and 11 year old can make some simple snacks/sandwiches/ mug cakes

They do their own homework unless ask for help. ( I remind them once)

My toddler helps with laundry by bringing me washing from the basket to the machine, putting items in the dryer and bringing me items to hang up; and puts dirty item in laundry basket when asked. I know it might not last, but I'm starting small and early.

I do all those things for my 24 yo

At university, I came across a lot of people who clearly had never lifted a finger at home, and don’t know how to. Later, I lived with others who took no responsibility for the homes we shared.
I see teaching my son to be self-sufficient, and crucially, to not grow up expecting to be waited on hand and foot (by a woman), to be part of my role as a parent. It is partly a generational thing, but I have various older male relatives who simply cannot really cope domestically now the women in their lives have died. It is not great for them.
I have always been honest that no, housework/washing/cooking healthy meals all the time/keeping the house clean is not interesting for me either. However, like with everything, things that need to be done happen first. Without washing, there are no clean clothes etc. If boring jobs are shared, it is better for everyone. We live in a community. It is not purely my role to be a domestic drudge just because I am female.
Like anything, it is an evolving process. I do not expect my child to do everything in the home all the time. I do not consider that from being able to walk, my toddler putting clothes in the washing basket straight away was Dickensian, I believe it is learning to respect the home you live in and others around you. If all these things are second nature from childhood, that will carry on into adulthood. Incremental increases, until hopefully by the time he leaves home he will feel confident in his own abilities.

Each family has their own way of doing things. There is no one right way. This is working for us so far though.

He should be doing the basics food wise - breakfast, sandwich for lunch when you're at home. It's a good time to get him involved with food prep for meals as well.

Does he do anything like load/empty the dishwasher, clear the table?

He should be tidying his own room/showering himself.

Is this off the back of the thread with the lady saying she’s worried for her 10 yo nephew? The things you list are mostly parental things, I don’t think a 10yo child should run their own bath or make their own way to school or cook, but they can help with making their lunch or help with cooking and do things like make their bed, get out their clothes for the morning and tidy their room. Don’t panic (from someone who started panicking too lol!!)

Chores - yes.
Helping with meal prep - probably
Making his own meals - nope.

At that age (and earlier) he should be doing all his own self care including clothes, preparing things for school / hobbies as needed. He should be doing a share of chores - cooking could be one of these if he’s interested but also could he hoovering etc. he should tidy his own room

SmilingPollyanna
At that age, my 10 year old could do the family laundry, ironing and gardening. He could prepare three course meals from scratch, feed and walk our 3 dogs and 4 cats before going to school in the morning, and knit his own clothes from fine, sheep’s wool. At the age of 11, he got a part-time job, and was helping pay off a good chunk of the family mortgage. If you don’t start them on the right path early, they’ll grow up lazy and entitled and never amount to much.
😅

From what you’ve said he should be able to pick his own clothes, shower/bath himself, make a bowl of cereal or toast and get himself ready for the day with minimal assistance.

I'd start by him taking care of personal hygiene. Puberty is just around the corner. Ditto keeping his room clean / tidy.

Breakfast I think if you are both having toast then you could do alternate days.

Cooking is something I would get him involved with so cooking together.

Teaching my son to be self sufficient is vitally important to me.
I do not want to bring him up to be like the arsehole husband and partners described so much on this forum.
My MILs life was a misery because of her man child husband until the day she died.

So mine is responsible for a lot of age appropriate activities and yes, can cook. Beans on toast, toasties, home made pizza, eggs and bacon, that kind of thing.
Sorts his own hygiene needs out and picks up after himself.
I think he would get short shrift if he asked me to run a bath for him, that said, he has run a bath for me in the past.
Last weekend I taught him how to mow our lawn.
Gets his own breakfast, makes his packed lunch, gets dressed and scooters to school alone (it’s 10 mi utes from our house)
He can tell the time so can manage his time to be on time too.
I do not want him having expectations of another human at his beck and call ever. He will stand on his own two feet with confidence as an adult.
It’s the long game with long term gain from aged 11 I believe.

10 year old DS is youngest of 3 and I’m sure does more because of that but he does all self care, makes his breakfast, makes his sandwiches, washes up, tidies his room, feeds the cats, empties dishwasher, strips his bed … not all of those every day but we all muck in together / divvy up the tasks between the 5 of us. There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do other than sharp knives or hot ovens now I don’t think.

BUT I get pushback from his older brothers that ‘none of our friends make their own packed lunch’ and how their mums pour their cereal (talking mid teens). So I think it varies!

I’m just a firm believer in 5 of us live here, 5 of us all contribute to chores. I tend to do more of the cleaning and clothes washing though.

I think start with a few simple things and build from there.
Remember you are teaching him life skills .Cooking do together and let him develop his dishes.
I think we do no child any favours by not giving them chores .

My 7 year old puts her clothes away, sometimes makes herself a sandwich/other snacks. She also has age appropriate chores in the house and helps in the garden and has always been happy to help. I think feeling useful is a positive thing for children.

I think there is an important difference between knowing how to do a chore, being able to do it well when asked and being responsible for doing it regularly. My 10 year old can get the broom out, sweep the floor, empty the dustpan and put it away. I don’t expect her to do this regularly but I do ask her to do it whenever she makes an unusually bad mess on the floor. Similarly she can do a lot of other household tasks but the only ones she is consistently responsible for relate to her own body and appearance, her school and activity stuff and putting her clean clothes away. Everything else is part of pitching in and depends on what else is going on and what else I am doing. For example if I have to do something for her I might ask her to set the table whilst I am doing it.

DS10
showers himself and gets himself dressed.
Makes his own cereal for breakfast
Sorts his own clothes and bags for school and hobbies. Although sometimes ends up shouting that he can't find something amd then I find it on the end of his nose. tidies his own room.
Helps to get his clothes etc out for holiday or camping trips
Empties the dishwasher
Walks to and from school alone which is a mile but only recently has it been regular. He wouldn't have been doing it in winter.
Wil go to the corner shop for me
He will make his own yoghurt, fruit and nuts but still likes me to do it for him

He can make his own packed lunch but it takes him quite a while, usually when I need the kitchen for making dinner so I usually make it
He has made scrambled egg on toast, toast and shortbread with supervision before now.

Ours are younger (7/9) but similar to others they tidy rooms, put dirty washing in basket & put clean clothes away (we do the actual washing), make own breakfast (cereal/toast/scrambled eggs) & packed lunch, take turns loading and emptying dishwasher & chip in tidying round living areas or in the garden.
I don’t think it’s necessary they do loads but it’s good for them to get an understanding everyone in the house chips in with chores

My 11 year old has been making her own packed lunch since about 7 when she begged to take one instead of having the free school meals. The deal was she could take one if she made it herself. She really enjoys cooking and cooks us out evening meal around once a week. She's been walking home from school for a couple of years but since august when she was 10 and a half is the last one out the house by around 5/10 mins and locks up and takes herself to school (no longer wanted to go to breakfast club). Don't remember the last time i was involved with her bathing but it's been a good few years. I wash and dry the clothes but she puts hers away and i have no involvement in getting her clothes ready to wear. Don't remember when I last did that either. Selecting clothes is a pretty basic skill. . Her room is a tip though - can't have everything! Out if your list the meals is quite far down in priority though I'd say. I'd start with the basic care and dressing and go from there

I wouldn't make a chores chart because that hardly encourages him to see independence and autonomy in a positive light. You need to frame this as him having more choice and also being old enough to help you sometimes (just make sure his dad helps more).

Point out the various tasks there are. Make a list. Are there any that interest him? Would he like to learn how to make something? If he knew that he could choose from agreed options would he like to make his own packed lunch or lunch for everyone at the weekend? If he was going to look after a pet what would he choose?

Sorry, should have read the updates. I'd certainly expect long before 10 to be able to make toast or pour cereal.

My ten year old cooks three course meals for 8 every day. Does all the laundry all the house work and is ambassador to Sweden in his spare time

But does he get a chicken to last the week?

Always room for improvement