To Feel the school mums dislike me

[INeedAChange22]

I feel the school mums hate me. DS in year 2 so I’ve known them for quite a bit of time. Yesterday was class assembly and I still feel sad about the feelings I got from them. I’ll try to explain the event factually rather than emotionally: we were queuing outside and I chatted away to a couple of mums all pleasant but I get the feeling they don’t like me as the looks a couple of them give me like a smirky bitchy look and don’t say hello until I say it first. They are in their little group and I feel I can’t get involved. How can I not feel like this? Why does it hurt so much to be ignored by them?

if I’m being truly honest there were 3 mums who did greet me pleasantly and talk to me but my mind is ignoring them and just focusing on the group who I feel exclude me. Funny enough, every person from that group has been to my house and had a playdate with my son! But when they’re a group they seem to ignore me.

any tips and advice on how to be stronger and not let this get me so down that it affects me for a long while?

There’s one in particular whose really funny as in she texts me once in a while saying “hey hun how are u” etc. and when I see her one to one she is really nice but in that group she gives me bitchy smirky looks and acts like we’re not friends but alone she acts like we’re friends. I’m so confused by this.

Yeah I have those one on one chats with some and they definitely gossip about other people. It’s not a dynamic you want to be a part of. I actually regret speaking to some because now they have something to say about me or my DC. Wish I’d kept my bloody airpods in.

Isn't OP in a clique with the mums who are friendly to her? Or is that a friendship group?

I don't understand the "cliques", surely they are just a group of mates?

They sound horrible though, I'm sorry ❤️ focus on the 3 lovely mums instead xxx

The only power you have is to stop caring. I say that with kindness, I really do.

It takes practice but it's very freeing.

But surely there aren’t any cliques? Just misunderstood mums under the narcissistic gaze of self important others who can’t read a gaze, and get things wrong

Ignore the gaslighters op.

OP I really feel for you. When my DCs started primary school I was expecting to casually extend my social circle with the type of lovely friends I had already.

Within the first week I realised that wasn't going to happen - it was a shock. I came across so many bitchy, judgy, ridiculously competitive women - the wealthier ones were the worst.

It was a quite horrid, toxic environment that took me about five years to navigate (DCs are three years apart).

In the end I made four lovely friends that I'm still close to. I'm friends with one who still associates with the biggest, bitchiest clique, and they're still going strong - sleeping with each other's husbands, ostracising people on a whim etc. I've never come across anything like it!

This has always been alien to me. Why do you care? Surely by the time you are old enough to have kids starting school you have a core group of your own friends and school mums are just hi and bye acquaintances, maybe the odd play date? Don’t overthink it, focus on your life away from school and just show up for your child when necessary.

Every time. Every Thread. The tired defensive tropes,they’re not mean. Are you sure. Hey maybe it’s you

What I gather from MN is that groups are cliques if you are not in them and friends if you are. But no doubt that is gaslighting.

The sleeping with each others husbands sounds very exciting and Jilly Cooper.

Thank you for the support. Yes you are correct I need to stop caring so much!

because it is a possibility? Your posts are pretty odd, and quite frankly derailing the conversation. Your sort of going around policing everyone's comments.

Oh let’s just agree with everything everyone says and not offer any alternative opinion that would try to help them feel less judged or bullied or whatever.
yes OP that group of women definitely stood there smirking and giving you bitchy looks because they clearly think they’re better than you.
Better?

Judging by your responses to this thread I think it probably is you.

as I said there are recurrent themes and retorts used to minimise & diminish reported experience of mean parents
I haven’t stopped anyone posting and naturally some posters will disagree, that’s inevitable
The thread is proceeding unencumbered with a range of views.

it is smirking not just smiling. It’s a bitchy attitude that I can clearly see.

Kerching, it’s me,not them. That’s basic

Agree.

There was also a swingers group (maybe it's disbanded now!) between our school and a nearby one!

A DJ friend unwittingly played at a birthday party for one of them, and when she took a loo break late into the night, she found all the doors were closed, and each one she opened she found multiple couples going at it.

I'm not making this up...big coastal city in the South East...

That’s got ITV drama all over it.

I'm not trying to be goady, but i don't understand a word of this.

When i google "kerching" it just comes up with a kids tv show?

And I'm not sure I understand whats "basic" about it's me, not them.

I'd focus on the 3 lovely mums who are welcoming and try to get close to them.

OP, there's definitely a group of cliquey mums at my DC's primary school too. All.well groomed, several jobs, and favour expensive flashy electric cars/Adidas Sambas/Barbour coats etc. So when I see them, I instantly feel out of place, frumpy, and middle aged, definitely part of the 'sad' crowd. The feeling I got as a teenager who felt like the saddest person in the sad crowd of swots.

My hang ups are still there, aged 43. My closest mum friend asks me why they seem to ignore us and I tell her that they aren't worth worrying about yet i still worry about them.

sigh I understand. It's hard, but please don't waste too mucv time worrying about them.

And apologies for the typos, bloody phone 😖

I think you sound like you are desperate to be one of the popular mums. I fully empathise, I was never popular at school and then doing school runs it felt like the same dynamic the cool girls smirked at me when in their pack but one on one were happy to chat. I had a really nice house and garden at the time so felt kind of used for play dates I was desperate to make friends they always happily accepted invites but never reciprocated. Then I'd find out they had been out for group meals and I'd been left out etc and that really hurt. I'm just shit at making friends i have very few and none from school runs. You said there are 3 who are really nice. Focus on them. Quality over quantity of friendships. Those 3 obviously like you not everyone can like everyone