Partner leaving everything to ex-wife.

[lilajcolls]

A little backstory. Partner and I together for 3 years. He has two kids and I don't have any. He is quite wealthy and I am financially independent - as much as I can be. Obviously have my own job and support myself, don't 'need' anyone. I'm renting my own place in London, but hoping to buy this year or next. (In fact, hoping to buy the place I'm currently renting). He suggested moving in together. Obviously our financial situations are different. He can buy a place outright if he wants to. Whilst I can indeed put down a nice deposit, the places we have in mind are different due to our budgets. I said if we were to go 50/50, it would have to accommodate my budget - which isn't millions, but it's enough for a nice place.

In tandem, he was estate planning (as was I). Everything is going to his ex and his children. He is divorced - and has been for 5 years. We met 1.5 years after his divorce. I asked if there was a financial order in his divorce and if everything was actually finalised. I asked this multiple times to be sure. He said yes. His ex is VERY well taken care of. (Talking many many many millions).

Of course, I do think his children should inherit, but everything I have will be going to him whereas it is not reciprocal at all. When I asked about practical things like where I should locate the paperwork in the event of something happening (as he knows where my paperwork is), his response was: 'Oh, Jane will know and will take care of that! She will know how to handle everything.'

It's become really awkward to talk about as I feel like a 'gold digger' if I ask about what the situation will be, certainly if we live together. I would expect to be on the deed of the house - as I of course, will be paying for it too, but obviously can't risk being homeless in the event of something going badly wrong. Each time I've broached the topic, he evades talking about it.

AIBU to think this is weird?

EDIT: Should have edited the title for full context!

This is odd. You say she's already had multimillions off him?!
The kids of course, but why via her?
You don't need to move in with him. Neither of you do. It's best to keep things separate and I'd be unsure of leaving him anything in my own will at this stage. He's probably very tight, a lot of rich people are.

Yes, agreed. I too, could understand if there was some security/assurance that I wouldn't be homeless.

It's also that in the event of something happening, I wouldn't even be 'able' to handle/find any paperwork and that's he shuts down the topic by saying his ex-wife will 'handle it all'.

Agreed regarding buying on my own.

MULTI MULTI millions. No exaggeration.

Definitely.

I mean you can't realistically buy a house with him when his half will go to what is, to you, a random woman. And you'd have to buy her out. Does he not see this?

It's very odd that he should leave everything to his ex-wife, even if his plan is for it to eventually benefit his children with her.

What if she remarries? The new husband would get half.

People who are this rich generally tend to know what they're doing with their money. I think there's something he's not telling you, including how much he has, how much she has, how it's all tied together (eg in trusts etc). It needn't be anything nefarious, except for the fact he's not being fully honest with you. Which is also fine....except that you're planning on leaving everything you have to him. Which is ALSO fine....except this makes you the fool, really.

This isn't a partnership of equals at all. And that is the reason why I would seriously re-think this relationship.

I think @Spywoman has it:
It seems like he sees his ex-wife as his real family and you're just a girlfriend.
Sorry but this seems likely. He isn't disentangled from his ex wife at all. This is extremely abnormal.

That his children will inherit makes sense. If his children are minors or even young adults, his ex may need money to help support them since he won’t be paying maintenance or making his own direct contributions anymore. He is doing the right thing by standing to his original financial commitments.

that doesn’t mean you should be buying a house with him and moving in together. Exactly the opposite. Once people have children, commingling finances with a new person is problematic because you will never truly have shared financial goals.

Keep the romance, live near one another, support one another in every way, except keep your fiscal lives siloed.

If it’s inherited wealth then im very limited experience, its kept in the family at all costs.

I'm sorry OP, I also agree with this. How long were they together?

Are you really sure that he's not leaving it to the kids and she's the executor of the will?

Of course his children should indeed inherit! Very much agree! 100%!

FYI... his ex has approx £60m and that's just from the divorce alone. That's not including stocks, bonds, the marital home (which is paid off). His children are 18 and 15. (They have trusts).

Definitely agree on all counts.

No. Not generational at all.

he can Leave his money to whoever he wants.
However it is possible this could change in the future

I’d want the shared house tied down with a minimum of a lifetime interest to live there. With any sale / your death then the children / ex getting a cut.

Did he happen to become very very rich during the marriage with her? Trying to wonder why he feels he needs to leave a multi millionaire an inheritance, while although as the current couple of year gf you’d not owed anything if your planning or hoping to be together 10/20/30 years (I don’t know how old you are) it seems odd to not want to leave even a penny yet leaving to an ex.

Just seen not generational wealth so maybe he feels he still owes her if she supported him and raised the children ultimately giving him free rein to be able to amass such vast sums of wealth.

I think it is good that he is leaving everything to his children and his ex wife. However, I would be changing my will to leave everything I had to siblings or nieces or nephews and I would be buying my own place in my own name if I were you. He feels financially responsible to the family he had. You are not financially responsible for him. It shouldn't matter as long as you don't buy a house with him as you are both financially independent and well off. I think, unless he legally states otherwise, a house goes to the other named owner on the deeds if one owner of a jointly owned property dies.

Ignore the will for a minute.

You say partner of 3 years but are you don't appear to be living together, engaged or married.

What does the future look like to you both? Marraige? Children? Etc.

What have the conversations around living together been like? Is he proposing buying together, which is odd? Surely if he's that wealthy and there's that much of a financial disparity, surely he just buys the house outright?

Are you sure he sees you as long term?

Yep, I agree with this. Maintain your financial independence - in life and death!

Imagine if you die before him...your estate will go to him and then be part of his estate that the ex-wife and kids will get when he dies.

How old are you both? You must be pretty young if your significantly older sibling is considering adopting. Is he expecting to die long before you?

I'm 35. He is 46.

Why can't you buy your own place. You can rent it out for income and still live with him. That way finances are seperate, you own your own property, have your independence but share each others lives on a daily basis.

Leave your own estate to your sister/anyone other than him.

Seems like a silly idea all round. Stay financially independent. There must be something better you can do with your money than give it to a very rich man who’s giving his riches to another woman.

Madness!

How old are you both?

Relationship red flags aside, it sounds like he has no need for your money, which could make a material difference to a charitable good cause. Would you consider that?