To feel this was inappropriate of childminder?

[Porpoising]

My 1 year old goes to a childminder 3 days a week Wednesday - Friday.

Wednesdays I have a meeting so pick her up 530. Thursdays I stay a bit later to plan and get organised, so similar pick up time. Fridays I pick her up a bit earlier at around 4.

Childminder has told me that it’s upsetting for my daughter to be the ‘last one’ and she feels she would benefit from me trying to get her a bit earlier. I’m really upset by it. AIBU?

This^
You didn’t mention what hours you are paying for but if you pay until 5.30 pm you are perfectly entitled to collect at 5.25 even if you are sitting in your car and reading txt messages from 5 pm to 5.25 pm. You pay childminder to get child free time for yourself not passive aggressive comments.

I think the childminder should have explained herself more ,maybe your baby was upset as all the other kids /babies have left and she is the only one waiting for you.Of course babies are aware from having kids in the room to there being none .Some just are not effected as much as others ,sounds to me like the childminder doesn't know how to handle it.Yes you have every right to be upset,I know it's easier said than done,but I would look into another childminder who can work with you and your baby's needs.

With childcare how it is, I imagine the childminder will give it a few more weeks/months and then say they can't take care of your child any more. Because obviously it's a ploy to finish earlier.

So I would start looking for someone else tbh.

My friend was recently told this by the nursery. She couldn't do anything about it but she did adjust her start times instead and baby was happier and mum was pleased to have known.

I'm a childminder and it can be a long day for younger ones. Some children love the bonus 1:1 time with me and some scream the house down for the last hour. I would always be honest with the parent.

I don't think it's unreasonable for her to let you know if your baby is upset. But it does sound as if she'd just like you to pick up earlier for her own convenience maybe? Is this what you suspect? If she's not keen on having your daughter in the school holidays, I'd probably be looking for a more accommodating childminder.

But it is what it is. If op has to work, dc really just needs to suck it up. It’s the same as if her dc was unhappy about being the last in the queue for a fairground ride, or anything else. If op has to work, she has to work, and dc just has to come to terms with that.

I would also appreciate the honesty, but would rather it be approached as something to discuss.
I'd be really annoyed if my childcare provider suggested I change my working hours because they couldn't placate my child. What if the child was upset in the middle of the day?
I'd want the CM to have some tricks up her sleeve.

Reasonable: cm tells you child is upset. Asks that you brainstorm a strategy together to make this time easier.

Unreasonable: asking you to come earlier.

The CM needs to offer more love and support to your child, how long is she the last child for, maybe your child doesn't like the busy bit at pick up, maybe everything is tidied away and your child is just waiting,
The CM needs to deal with this not you.
I was a childminder back in the day.
I think you need to know the above. And then see what the CM can do to meet your child's needs, don't be hasty to move

Sounds to me like the cm can't be arsed and wants them all picking up at the same time.

The child is 1. How does she know the issue is that they’re the last one there?! Probably just getting tired or whatever.

Also my kids were at nursery three days per week from 9 months old. I finished work at 5 and due to traffic etc didn’t get to them until 6ish. They used to like being the last ones. It was only for ten mins and they’d help tidy up or quietly watch peppa on the laptop.

It reads like your childminder wants to work less hours for same money.

I was a childminder I didn't offer term time only because I would potentially lose income in the holidays. Most places don't.

I did offer a reduced rate if they choose not to bring them (a retainer) if she's charging full pay you absolutely have the right to send her.

I'd be clear you work the hours you work. Is childminder say she can't fulfill those hours? What is she doing to support the child, she needs to make that 1:1 time fun.

Tbh she sounds a bit rubbish unless your dd loves it I'd look for an alternative.

Take her out, find another minder .

I think all the "my child is fine" "of course child will be fine" "no child will be upset" type comments are ignoring the fact that the OP has been told her child is upset. So my victim blaming is I see these comments as implying that if this child is upset then the child shouldn't be the other implication of course is the childminder is a liar or lazy. All kids are different, I have 4 and what suited one didn't necessarily suit another. Well done yours on enjoying that time, how would you have felt if they didn't enjoy that time?

Part of juggling is also looking at how to make it work for the child.

Oh well, someone has to be last and if it’s your child then it’s just how it is. You’ve paid for the session and there’s nothing wrong with keeping your child there until the end (as long as you’re not late obviously).

I’d just thank the CM and carrying on with what you’re doing. You have to work so what else can you do? Not much

I honestly can't imagine even thinking that it is OK to sit in your car for twenty five minutes to get your money's worth if your child is distressed waiting for you. That a mother could even come up with that as an idea has blown my mind.

Well done yours on enjoying that time, how would you have felt if they didn't enjoy that time

Like most parents she would have probably felt crap but why would it matter, she can't change the fact she has to work. The point posters are making is that any decent childcare worker would be looking at sensible ways to resolve the issue and telling a parent to collect early knowing they can't is not a sensible solution.

Part of juggling is also looking at how to make it work for the child.

Fortunately in this case the OP has sensibly decided that the way to make it work is to find alternative care. Although I'm sure the childminder will be annoyed at that solution as now she's losing money but she only has herself to blame.

OP says, Thursdays I stay a bit later to plan and get organised, so similar pick up time That doesn't sound like she has to be there so child is picked up earlier on Friday and potentially could be picked up earlier on Thursday. Child might find it easier to "suck it up" one day a week.

A one year old who is missing her mum/dad/home is nothing like an older child waiting in a queue.

One year old already been in one childcare setting, now moving to another as OP is offended. Yes great.

I wouldn’t personally do this but as I said above there isn’t a hierarchy of virtue here. A child who is distressed won’t know if you’re working, doing noble voluntary work, getting your nails done or sitting in the car outside. In all honesty while I do (or rather planned to) use the time in holidays for things that are dull but necessary I also do use some time for me. I planned to do earlier drop offs and pick ups but yes use some time for me.

There is space for her at the nursery my son attends. I got sucked into the home setting is better for under 2s which I regret now!

I would rather the child minder told me what my child was experiencing. If you pull her up on this she will probably stop being open with you.

They didn't say it was to get their moneys worth, more pointing out that if you have paid for childcare it doesn't matter what you do in that time.

You don't have to immediately rush from 'activity worthy of needing childcare' to collect your child. It's that attitude that makes parents feel guilty.

And in defence of sitting in your car for 25 mins - it could actually be a very good thing to do. Instead of going straight from a challenging work day to the challenges of caring for young children (which might include driving with a grumpy child) why not take a bit of time to yourself?

I think everyone is saying that the honestly is fine, but that the CM shouldn't be suggesting OP collect her child earlier.

It’s not about making a point but there are a lot of little things like answering emails/txts, booking appointments, ordering things online which need to be done and it’s much better to do them at that time when your child is looked after then cut time off your sleep and end up completely exhausted.