To challenge a person's parenting at the park

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

Sorry for the long post, don't want to drip feed.

TLDR is that I confronted a man for not supervising his young toddler at the work and my husband thinks I should have minded my own business.

Last week I was at the park with my kids. While there I noticed a small child, maybe around 2 or a little younger, completely unsupervised. I saw him close to the edge of play equipment high up several times, and assisted him down/warned him to be careful. This happened several times. Some of the drops were pretty significant. He also requested my help to climb up ladders etc. I felt a little uncomfortable as I was obviously a complete stranger to this child but I did so.

I was able to follow him around a bit as I was a little worried. My kids and their cousin are 7, 7 and 4 so I felt ok to let them run around while I followed this child with my 9 mth old in a pushchair. It just seemed unsafe to leave him.

For context, the park has a very dense play structure and you can't see through it to the other side very easily. There are also three areas designated by recommended age. This child was in the 'big kid's' area. There is only one entrance/exit to the park so I sometimes feel comfortable sitting there with my baby as I know I will see my boys if they try to leave the park. But definitely not when they were small toddlers. A large part of the big kid's area is not visible from the entrance.

Anyway, I eventually figured out this boy had an older sister (maybe 5). I saw her bang her head and be comforted by another family. Again, no parent in sight. Then I started to get really concerned.

After about 20 minutes of this I was ready to leave but I felt it was unsafe to leave this boy unattended. I asked the boy where his parents were, but he was too young to understand what I was asking. So I started looking around for someone who was the guardian of this child.

I went to the entrance of the park and saw a man sitting on his phone watching some kind of sporting event on his phone (I could hear it). He was completely engrossed. He was the only adult there not obviously supervising a child. As I debated whether to approach him, the little boy ran full speed out of the park and headed towards the car park, right past the man. I waited for him to jump up, but he didn't for a few seconds so I thought, oh he must not be the dad, I should go and make sure the boy doesn't leave the park.

At that moment the man got up slowly, stretched and casually hops over the bench. He slowly makes his way over to the toddler.

I decided to say something. I said 'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'.

He looked sheepish and gestures to his son, 'This one?'

I quickly gathered my kids and left, shaking a bit as I don't like confrontation. As I did this I noticed him following behind his child very closely.

My husband thinks I may have overstepped.

I would have done the same but probably not been as polite about it

I don't think it's just down to age. DS was competent with play equipment very young and it was annoying to have other parents telling him not to climb things when I was watching and knew he was fine.

Obviously different to this scenario, I just mean the idea that a two year old shouldn't be playing on certain equipment or needs a parent a metre away in case they randomly dive off.

If DS wanted to go down a fireman's pole he would stand at the top and look for me and I would see him and come over to help him, he wasn't going to jump off.

I will look out for other people's kids but look at ability not age as to whether I need to look for a parent as they are all so different.

the little boy ran full speed out of the park and headed towards the car park, right past the man. I waited for him to jump up, but he didn't for a few seconds so I thought, oh he must not be the dad, I should go and make sure the boy doesn't leave the park.
^^
At that moment the man got up slowly, stretched and casually hops over the bench. He slowly makes his way over to the toddler.
^^
I decided to say something. I said 'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'.
^^
He looked sheepish and gestures to his son, 'This one?'
^^
I quickly gathered my kids and left, shaking a bit as I don't like confrontation. As I did this I noticed him following behind his child very closely.

I’d be wondering if he was the dad tbh

You did the right thing OP. It is all very well for a few posters to say that you shouldn't get involved - but when this happens it can be impossible to ignore if a child is directly at risk due to lack of parental supervision.

I still remember the time I was on holiday in Greece several years ago...one set of fellow guests were a couple with a very small child. These parents spent their time sunbathing/dozing and drinking cocktails by the pool and ignoring their child, who was left to his own devices...clambering in the pool (risking drowning) and wandering off. Once we returned from a day out & the first thing we saw was the child on his own in front of the hotel, next to the main road, no parents in sight.

We felt we had no choice but to keep an eye on the child as he wasn't safe. So I spent a lot of my holiday as an unpaid childminder (despite no DC of my own at that time) due to useless neglectful parents. But I was a lot younger then & unassertive, felt unable to confront the parents or complain to staff which I obviously should have done.

I think you did the right thing.

I remember being at the park with my twins. Obviously it's bloody hard helping two at the same time. Some woman watched my child fall - could easily have stopped her as she was right by her. Blood everywhere. I was bloody angry and said christ could you not just have caught her, and she replied, I'm not being done for child abuse, I'm not touching someone else's child.

It meant my two rarely went to the park with just me at a certain age. They had to wait til dad was home at the weekends.

Whatever happened to the village? Helping each other?

This Dad was being a shit parent and needed calling out on it.

I'm a big fan of risk play and have a child who's always been very good with her motor skills. There's been times when it's really irked me when people interfere for no reason.

For example, when my dd was about 15 months old she was in a toddler's part of a soft play and climbed one of those little tykes slides that's literally about a foot off the ground. I was a couple of metres away from her but could honestly see everything she was doing. A panicky parent came came over to me all panicking saying 'is that your baby? Do you know she's at the top of that slide?!' I reply 'the slide that isn't even as tall as she is, yes I do' she gave me a really judgy look and walked off. Ridiculous IMO. She was never in any danger she was being given the freedom and confidence to explore without me.

My dd is now 6 and I'm the mum who lets her climb trees and jungle gyms with minimal interference whilst other parents are fainting at the thought. Am I lazy? Absolutely not. Am I worried when I leave her to it? Of course I am! I'm getting palpitations sometimes! But I also know that she's going to struggle to develop any self-confidence or sense of self if I'm always hovering over her so I do what I think is best for her development.

As pp have said I'd never help a child up equipment. This defeats the object of independent risk taking and could put them in more danger. However, it does sound like dad was a bit disengaged so I think you were right to challenge that. It's always difficult to know when to intervene but I think if you really feel that a child is being inadequately supervised you have to challenge that. Just be aware that differenr parents will have different ideas around risk taking though

Of course you did not overstep. Some people just don't know how to supervise kids.

ooh that's me told! Cheers for that

Once on a beach, I saw a man ‘teaching’ his daughter to swim. She was screaming she was hysterical. She was way out of her depth. I went over and told him - he gave me a mouthful. He gave me a mad excuse but they left the water and I saw her playing by her mother so yeah, it was worth it. And later two German women came up to me and said they had noticed what was happening but they didn’t have the guts to go over so I’m just giving myself a pat on the back if anyone’s thinking otherwise. O P. You did the right thing.

How do you know that man was actually his dad? It doesn't sound like he confirmed it, and you said the kid just ran past him. I'd be worried that this man was nothing to do with the kid.

@itsgoodtobehome

I don't think a kidnapper would have sheepishly followed a two year old around a baby play area.

Just wanted to clarify again that I only touched the boy in the first place because he was on the edge of a high drop and was so obviously too little to get down the fireman's pole by himself. I tried to tell him to go back down the ramp but he just smiled at me and remained on the edge. I was on my way to deal with my 4 year old who was blocking the slide so couldn't exactly stay and see what happened, and felt I couldn't walk away, so I reached out my arms and asked him if he wanted me to help him down.

After that, when I saw him in the same situation, he would reach out to me. No parent in sight, I couldn't go looking for one at that time as I had 4 other children to take care of.

There was a ramp he could have very easily gone down, but he couldn't see to connect the dots to do that.

Also, when I say I helped him up the ladder, you know when you think a child can climb something by themselves but they need your reassurance to do it? Well it was like that, he had already started to climb, following my older children as he'd latched onto us by then. I didn't want to tell him not to or stop him so I hovered and then halfway up he would get scared and so I'd come close and say 'it's ok, you can do it.'

I was trying to avoid touching him or giving him instructions unless I absolutely had to.

I just didn't know what to do, the park is large and easy to lose sight of kids, and he was obviously a moving target so to speak, so that's why I didn't go and find a parent right away. I was also expecting a parent to show up any moment and I had my hands full.

But maybe since I'd already helped him before and he was listening to me, I should have gently removed him from the ladder. He could have come down via the slide or ramp, but I think he was nervous.

You definitely did the right thing! Wish there was more people like you looking out for each other 🙂

I had similar with DS. Early with gross motor skills and I let him take safe risks. Top of a giant climbing net, riding without stabilisers at barely three kind of child. I had a lot of parents try to discourage him, tell him he was too little, that equipment he wanted to play on was for older children, that he wouldn't be able do things, did he want help? I was always nearby watching.

Far better for people to err on the side of caution when they don’t know than to let a situation they feel is risky get out of hand. Once can be enough for a really traumatic accident.

@Kalevala

That's usually my attitude as well, and I could see that the boy would be able to climb the ladder with encouragement. But the father was nowhere in sight with a toddler on the edge of a large drop. In my opinion you need to be close by at that age. He didn't even have eyes on the child. I know that for a fact because we were at the edge of the park by the fence and there was no way any other adult had a visual on him due to the layout.

He never looked at risk, he was more competent at two than most children a year older. I can't think what they saw other than his age. Discouraging comments can harm a child's confidence so I did my best to step in quickly and ask them to please just let him play.

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant
Yes, I understand this situation was different. My comment was more a general one on other parents judging by age or size rather than observable ability and confidence.

You did the right thing OP. I keep half an eye on my eldest (5) but supervise my youngest who’s 2.5 near enough all the time. I often go to soft play and end up comforting a hurt child who’s parents are no where to be seen and who are getting knocked about by older kids.

I let mine take risks but supervise them.

@Kalevala

I do totally agree. I followed the same approach and I got comments from my boys' teachers on how they were further on physically and in confidence compared to others.

I was supervising, watching from a few metres away as appropriate to his ability.

That’s a totally different scenario to the one OP has set out in her post.