To challenge a person's parenting at the park

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

Sorry for the long post, don't want to drip feed.

TLDR is that I confronted a man for not supervising his young toddler at the work and my husband thinks I should have minded my own business.

Last week I was at the park with my kids. While there I noticed a small child, maybe around 2 or a little younger, completely unsupervised. I saw him close to the edge of play equipment high up several times, and assisted him down/warned him to be careful. This happened several times. Some of the drops were pretty significant. He also requested my help to climb up ladders etc. I felt a little uncomfortable as I was obviously a complete stranger to this child but I did so.

I was able to follow him around a bit as I was a little worried. My kids and their cousin are 7, 7 and 4 so I felt ok to let them run around while I followed this child with my 9 mth old in a pushchair. It just seemed unsafe to leave him.

For context, the park has a very dense play structure and you can't see through it to the other side very easily. There are also three areas designated by recommended age. This child was in the 'big kid's' area. There is only one entrance/exit to the park so I sometimes feel comfortable sitting there with my baby as I know I will see my boys if they try to leave the park. But definitely not when they were small toddlers. A large part of the big kid's area is not visible from the entrance.

Anyway, I eventually figured out this boy had an older sister (maybe 5). I saw her bang her head and be comforted by another family. Again, no parent in sight. Then I started to get really concerned.

After about 20 minutes of this I was ready to leave but I felt it was unsafe to leave this boy unattended. I asked the boy where his parents were, but he was too young to understand what I was asking. So I started looking around for someone who was the guardian of this child.

I went to the entrance of the park and saw a man sitting on his phone watching some kind of sporting event on his phone (I could hear it). He was completely engrossed. He was the only adult there not obviously supervising a child. As I debated whether to approach him, the little boy ran full speed out of the park and headed towards the car park, right past the man. I waited for him to jump up, but he didn't for a few seconds so I thought, oh he must not be the dad, I should go and make sure the boy doesn't leave the park.

At that moment the man got up slowly, stretched and casually hops over the bench. He slowly makes his way over to the toddler.

I decided to say something. I said 'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'.

He looked sheepish and gestures to his son, 'This one?'

I quickly gathered my kids and left, shaking a bit as I don't like confrontation. As I did this I noticed him following behind his child very closely.

My husband thinks I may have overstepped.

I think you did the right thing. It really does take a village to raise and mind children, and when a child is in a public place I personally believe it's the responsibility (to varying degrees) of every adult to step in if they see a child at risk. There obviously can be a fine line between this and busy-bodying, and I think some degree of freedom and positive risk taking is great with children and their play, but that's very different to a tiny toddler being completely unsupervised.

He wasn't parenting AT ALL!

I couldn't live with myself if I saw a child on their own and then something I could have prevented happened to them - even though that would have been down to the parent

You are nicer than me because I'd have told him he was endangering his child by not being with them and his child could have been hit by a swing or fallen off play equipment and he needs to be close by watching him.

OP, you didn't overstep. It's neglect and very risky.

You did NOT overstep!!! Are you joking!? I’d have lost my sh!t with that sperm donor…
Who the F leaves A BABY unsupervised in a park? In a big kids park no less… what if he had fallen? What if he broke his neck? What if he was paralysed? What if he picked up rubbish and tried to eat it? Or choked? Or 2 older kids led him away like in the case with Jamie Bulger!?

British culture is to just look away, even if a child is in danger, but it is that EXACT attitude that led to little Jamie being tortured to death. How many people thought it looked suspicious but DID NOTHING? How many witnesses were there that just assumed he was their baby brother so left him crying with them?

NO. British culture is sh!t. It’s frighteningly Sh!t actually and it’s only since being married to a Canadian that I’ve even noticed, as he happily challenges and calls out bad behaviour without any fear at all! He even jokes ‘how did you guys conquer half the world when you’re all so passive aggressive and sheepish!’ Lol

You absolutely did the right thing xx

He wasn't parenting differently though, was he. He was endangering his child by ignoring him. That's a form of parenting that isn't just a difference in emphasis or priority, it's neglect and it's everyone's business.

You absolutely did the right thing. Hopefully that dad will think twice next time!

You did the right thing, don’t overthink it.

'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'.

Wow - you really tore him off a strip 😂! That really isn't "challenging a person's parenting" OP, it is gently (and correctly) telling a man that he is a twat.

As is your husband, and the reason that 30 years after Jamie Bulger, people generally STILL have no balls to call people out because they risk getting shouting at, so would prefer to tut/raise their eyes/ walk away than say something.

We need lots more people like you. You should be proud of yourself.

You did the right thing watching out for this toddlers safety and it's disgusting dad wasn't given they need close supervision at that age and couldn't even clearly see to watch from a distance proved by how distracted they were they didn't even notice their child leave and run into carpark. I do wonder if he had noticed you earlier and was reassured someone else would keep an eye out for him so he could be lazy & watch sport. You politely highlighted he was a twat and he's lucky as I'm sure if the kid had ended up in hospital there would be some questions from authorities.

I can imagine a male may feel concerned about being labelled as a perv by interacting with a strangers child so be more inclined to mind their own business.

You didn't overstepped, at all. You did the right thing, of course. There are so many negligent parents out there... it's heartbreaking 😔
Another thing: by accompanying this child, with empathy, you may have showed him a glimmer of how things should be for him (a lovely and protective adult presence by him). That is huge for someone who doesn't have that kind of presence in their life: it may seem insignificant to you but, believe me, you have left a really good mark in that little boy's life. Thank you 💐

OP, I think you did the right thing.

I'm haunted by something that happened decades ago when I was an 18 year-old university student.

I was waiting for a bus on a busy city road. There was a greengrocers behind the stop, and some tomatoes had rolled down the pavement and were embedded in a huge dog poo (it was the 198os, when it wasn't so common for it to be picked up). I little girl - no more than 2 and a half (I wasn't much good at estimating ages in those days) wandered over to pick the tomatoes up and eat them. I was horrified and looked round for her parents. They were very young -probably my age - and engrossed in each other, totally ignoring the child, who was also dangerously close to the very busy road. I spoke to the child and said 'Oh, don't have those -they're dirty!' but she ran off to the parents, who continued to ignore her.

The bus came and I got on, but I was so upset by the thought of this child's home life, if her parents could neglect her to that extent. I was a pathetically naive 18 year old and wouldn't have known who to contact (and what good would that have done? I had no idea where this family lived).

I think of this child frequently and hope her life was OK.

You did what I would have done. I have 3 DCs and when they were younger I couldn’t spread myself thin enough to help all 3, other parents at our local park are great with this and I will happily help with young children, but if I saw a parent being lazy and a young child not supervised I’d say something. I would be careful though about how I’d say it depending on the type of person I’m talking to.

The main park we use goes from 40mph to 20 mph right outside the park, lots of fast cars go past, it would be so easy for a small child to run across that road. I think it’s completely irresponsible to say not my child not my problem if you see a young child unattended.

your comment obviously shamed into looking after his child, so well done.

You did the right thing and it was fortunate for that little boy that you were there to look out for him and possibly prevent him from having an accident. You were polite and concise when you rightly spoke to the parent.

How else are they going to learn and gain confidence if they are not helped up and down a ladder.? I did this when mine was young and have done it recently when taking a friend's little one to the park. This applies to all park play equipment, at first you help them on and off, then as time passes and they grow and change they are able to do it by themselves.

I had similar at the beach last year this little girl was about my kids age, the sea was quite choppy and she was getting scared went bit far out she screamed help so I helped her back to the shore. Her dad came running said thanks etc but I thought what If I hadn't been there. I don't blame you for saying something a toddler shouldnt be unsupervised in a park. I see lots of parents on their phones when out 🙄

Yeah you did the right thing calling him out and did so very politely in my opinion! I have a 2 (almost 3) year old and would never leave him on a climbing frame, even a small one. I never sit where I can’t see my kids even the 6 year old. You see a lot of parents like this sadly.

I do agree that you shouldn’t have got involved by helping the child, as it’s down to the parent, if the kid falls that’s on them. You should have either tried to find them earlier and got them to watch their kid or ignored it.

Yes of course it’s fine if it’s a kid in your care @Lifeomars What is not fine is helping this unknown toddler who you don’t know, up the ladder. The OP had no duty of care so what if she then got called away by her own kid getting hurt, and the toddler was stuck/fell.

fine to help your own kids up and down but you shouldn’t be getting involved to this extent with strangers’ children. Find their parent sooner if you’re worried about them.

You shouldn't have touched the kid, you should have looked for the parent right away.

Absolutely agree you did the right thing. Jesus I’m still nervous turning my back for one second when my (in 2 weeks) 4 year old is at the park!

I hope that was just a one off from the dad and I hope what you said made him think - he didn’t argue with you or get defensive (which I think is what we fear when we call someone out) so hopefully he knows what he did was wrong and won’t do it again!

There is a balance- kids need to take risks without a parent always hovering but from what you’ve said I’d have been concerned as well and the dad sounds like he was being negligent by letting the toddler on something well beyond his capabilities. My youngest was fearless with zero sense of danger at that age and she would have needed to have been within an arms reach as she often made a beeline for high things to follow her older sister.

We should all be looking out for neglected children. It’s all they have sometimes. Poor little thing.

He could have been snatched, your a perfect stranger and he latched onto you. You absolutely did the right thing.
I was almost neurotic when mine were small, if they left my eye line I was panic stricken, and that was when they were 4 and 5, younger than that I didn't leave their side.

You did the right thing OP.

Im just wondering about the sister after he followed the little guy out of the park … he was basically leaving her there. Honestly think phones should be banned in playgrounds. The London nannies used to sit on their at certain parks.