To challenge a person's parenting at the park

[HuckleberryBlackcurrant]

Sorry for the long post, don't want to drip feed.

TLDR is that I confronted a man for not supervising his young toddler at the work and my husband thinks I should have minded my own business.

Last week I was at the park with my kids. While there I noticed a small child, maybe around 2 or a little younger, completely unsupervised. I saw him close to the edge of play equipment high up several times, and assisted him down/warned him to be careful. This happened several times. Some of the drops were pretty significant. He also requested my help to climb up ladders etc. I felt a little uncomfortable as I was obviously a complete stranger to this child but I did so.

I was able to follow him around a bit as I was a little worried. My kids and their cousin are 7, 7 and 4 so I felt ok to let them run around while I followed this child with my 9 mth old in a pushchair. It just seemed unsafe to leave him.

For context, the park has a very dense play structure and you can't see through it to the other side very easily. There are also three areas designated by recommended age. This child was in the 'big kid's' area. There is only one entrance/exit to the park so I sometimes feel comfortable sitting there with my baby as I know I will see my boys if they try to leave the park. But definitely not when they were small toddlers. A large part of the big kid's area is not visible from the entrance.

Anyway, I eventually figured out this boy had an older sister (maybe 5). I saw her bang her head and be comforted by another family. Again, no parent in sight. Then I started to get really concerned.

After about 20 minutes of this I was ready to leave but I felt it was unsafe to leave this boy unattended. I asked the boy where his parents were, but he was too young to understand what I was asking. So I started looking around for someone who was the guardian of this child.

I went to the entrance of the park and saw a man sitting on his phone watching some kind of sporting event on his phone (I could hear it). He was completely engrossed. He was the only adult there not obviously supervising a child. As I debated whether to approach him, the little boy ran full speed out of the park and headed towards the car park, right past the man. I waited for him to jump up, but he didn't for a few seconds so I thought, oh he must not be the dad, I should go and make sure the boy doesn't leave the park.

At that moment the man got up slowly, stretched and casually hops over the bench. He slowly makes his way over to the toddler.

I decided to say something. I said 'excuse me, your little boy was playing in the big kid's area and nearly fell several times. You should really watch him more closely'.

He looked sheepish and gestures to his son, 'This one?'

I quickly gathered my kids and left, shaking a bit as I don't like confrontation. As I did this I noticed him following behind his child very closely.

My husband thinks I may have overstepped.

Yabu to help a child you don't know up a ladder, ladders at parks are natural barriers. If a child can't get up a ladder they won't get down it.

Absolutelyl the right thing OP

I'd totally help my son climb a ladder I like to teach him to do things safely rather than have him try and get stuck. I constantly help children get off things push them on the swings etc if they are playing with my son. My theory is that if the parents were that bothered they would be keeping a better eye on their kids.

Helping your own child climb a ladder is fine.
Helping another child means you are then responsible for them while on that equipment as you have overcome the natural safety barrier.
Helping children off things or pushing them on a swing is totally different.

This happened to me yesterday a very young toddler no older than two was in a pub playground and playing by a steam with long drops, rocks and slippy areas. There was also a very large slide and animals like chickens roaming. The child couldn't communicate with me so I felt I had to hang around and check on her. She then left the park area, went over a bridge, through the beer garden, across a rural road and into the pub.

I was astounded but didn't confront the parents as yes I don't like confrontation but good god there is no hope for that child

I think you did the right thing, the child could have been in danger.

Any parent sending a 2 year old off into that park (thank you for the picture @HuckleberryBlackcurrant ) and then not bothering about them is disgrace.
I don't think you did anything wrong Huck.

I think I'd have phoned the police when I didn't see any sign of a parent.
He needs a kick up the arse before something goes seriously wrong.
He deliberately placed himself away from the play park so that he wouldn't be needed, and so that he wouldn't be interrupted on his phone.
His children deserve better.
Anyway, OP, you sound like a very kind person and were totally RIGHT to say something.

Yes you did the right thing & parent needs reporting

It’s like they say, stick your nose where it doesn’t belong and risk being bitten. I’d have kept out of it, not your business and not your job to go about reprimanding people that don’t parent the same as you.

You were a lot more polite than I was last week when there was a baby of around 18 months toddling around London Euston Station.......3 adults having a good chat and nobody watching him. They didn't have a bloody clue where he was as they had their backs to him.

In your situation I'd have phoned the police stating there was an unsupervised child with no parent in sight........the shock of that happening may have given the kid a chance of surviving until adulthood.

So you don’t like correcting a child but you will correct a parent?

you encouraged that child to play with you from the sounds of it on equipment that was too advanced.

the dad should have been playing closer attention but you helped in creating the situation.

Your husband is being unreasonable. If he saw a small child about to run into the road would he just ‘mind his own business’?

God bless you! If there were more people like you, this country would have been a better place.

Within the borders of the playground it would take a hell of a lot for me to get involved - so I wouldn't have intervened with a child on play equipment like you did OP, for example. But anything related to running to the road is completely different and you totally did the right thing there - the man needed a serious telling off

Honestly it takes seconds for an accident or someone to take a child- well done

Well done! Sounds like you spoke to the Dad politely and handled it well, I’d have been a lot more confrontational but I don’t mind it when it comes to children. I’ve spoken out couple of times and I don’t regret any one of them.

Which is great till something dreadful happens then it’s could, would , should if someone had stepped in then we might not have had some of the dreadful cases we have had. Unsupervised children are a massive risk.I'm not a helicopter parent at all I agree we parent differently but basic safety if you haven’t got that what have you got?

Other than not assisting a small unattended child climb a slide for older children, I don't see the problem.
You felt the parent should have been supervising more closely and told him, he wasn't rude or aggressive, appears to have taken your comments on board.
Hopefully going forward he will pay more attention to his child & focus less on his phone.

He probably expected the 5 year old sister to look after the 2 year old! I'm so glad my dc are too old for parks as a lot of parents think it's a good place to socialise with other parents and ignore their dc.

Definitely the right thing to do. Kids that age need to be shadowed at the playground or they can really injure themselves. The dad needs to step up and put down his phone.

Do you know how many people saw Jamie bulger being walked away by his two killers?…. LOTS! lots of people have come forward and said they thought it was suspicious but didn’t want to get involved. Thought they should mind their own business.
personally I think saying something was the right thing to do… you’d feel much worse if you’d ignored him and he’d fallen and broken his back!

@HuckleberryBlackcurrant

I’ve seen similar situations in parks, and my instinct would have been to do the same as you.

However, I bet that child (if they don’t have an awful accident) will actually learn to become very physically able and have no
fear in taking risks.

You could have saved a child’s life. Not sure there is much more I can say, other than thank you.

Absolutely the right thing - I still keep eyes on my 4 year old in an open park, never mind a 2 year old where you can’t see them. I would probably have said a bit more than you did tbh!